Explore all emails from Nedra Tawwab

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/the-truth-in-our-actions I was reading Oh William! [ https://substack.com/redirect/5b4a6dff-4509-4ea1-992c-70aabfe9b938?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Elizabeth Strout, which centers on a woman questioning whether she married the right person. She likes her husband, but she’s also developing feelings for someone else, and it leads her to wonder whether she wants to stay in her marriage. There’s a line in the book that stopped me in my tracks: “When I don’t know what to do, I look at what I’m doing.” That line felt major. To me, it suggests that our current behavior signals what actions we’re actually ready to take. It raises an important question: is there alignment between what we say we want and how we’re living? For instance, if we say we want to leave our marriage, are we: Looking at apartments? Saving money on the side? Speaking as though there’s a version of our life where this person isn’t included? Or, conversely, are we coming home from work, kissing our partner, and curling up with them at night as we drift off to sleep? If we say we need to make a change, we have to ask ourselves whether our actions are affirming that desire. We have to examine whether our behavior reflects a genuine readiness to do things differently. Sometimes, though, we’re not ready. We’re just imagining. We explore possibilities not because we intend to act on them, but because they offer a kind of relief, a fantasy, or a mental exit. This shows up often in relationships, especially when someone is getting on our nerves. It’s natural in those moments to wonder, What if? We don’t always talk about these thoughts, so it can feel isolating. But as a therapist, I hear them all the time. They’re more common than we think. There are also times when we don’t make a change simply because we’re not prepared. Major life transitions require real groundwork. Think about what it takes to move from one city to another: Securing a job Finding housing Deciding what to take with you—and what to leave behind There are many moving pieces to sort out before we can follow through on a decision. And sometimes, the timing just isn’t right. We may know a change is necessary, but we have to sit with that knowledge until circumstances become more favorable. The important part is not punishing ourselves in the meantime. In Drama Free [ https://substack.com/redirect/be6047c5-50ac-4d6e-8a45-e48c9b83556f?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], there’s a diagram outlining the stages of change. Many people spend years in the ideation phase. Even when people go to therapy, it’s not always because they’re ready to make sweeping changes. They may simply want space to think and talk through possibilities. There’s no need to force change unless someone’s well-being is at risk. It’s okay to sit with an idea for a while. At the same time, some situations do require quick decisions. Not every choice carries the same urgency. Life asks us to be flexible in that way, to discern when to act, and when to wait. Journal Prompt What are some options you are currently considering? Do you feel like you need to make a decision? Why or why not? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week When Being Right Matters More Than Being Connected [ https://substack.com/redirect/e0e05e86-8428-4b69-b8ff-f39d1b7e8b52?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., and Haruna Miyamoto-Borg LCSW [ https://substack.com/redirect/113a0a79-33be-49fa-b2b4-b6bf1b01f622?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], in Psychology Today. What to Consider Before Switching Antidepressants [ https://substack.com/redirect/7926e935-4959-4549-9d41-d38cfe7f48fd?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Christina Caron, in The New York Times. 6 ways to give that aren’t about money [ https://substack.com/redirect/24628042-4fe2-44c0-83a6-88cb23707eaa?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Chris Anderson, on Ideas.TED.com [ https://substack.com/redirect/a391a6a9-c96e-4c28-8e9a-0231bbc281b7?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Crime 101. You can watch this movie starring Halle Berry and Mark Ruffalo on Prime Video [ https://substack.com/redirect/0428c814-f676-42aa-86a5-8bac3afe8c49?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. 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View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/breaking-the-cyle I see parenting anxiety show up for many of my clients who were not parented well. It tends to appear in three major ways: Not wanting to have children Typically, when I meet someone in this category, I reassure them that their anxiety is actually healthy and helpful. A lot of people have children without really thinking about what that means. So the fact that someone is giving serious thought to what kind of parent they could be puts them in a good position to do better. It means they are less likely to simply mimic the parenting they experienced, because they are already thinking intentionally about the kind of parent they want to be. This way of thinking creates an opportunity to be very different from the people who raised them. Being hyper-vigilant Children are born with different needs. We don’t know exactly what those needs are until we get to know them. And it’s entirely possible that our children won’t need what we needed. If someone grew up with parents who never attended their sporting events, they may decide to go to every single game. But their child might feel like, “You can sit one out, Mom.” They may not have the same need for that kind of presence because their emotional cup has already been filled. Trying to be the opposite of our parents We have to pay close attention to our children and the ways they need us to show up. If we become hyper-focused on being the opposite of the people who raised us, we may miss the opportunity to be exactly who our children need us to be. What’s important is the recognition that we want to do things differently from what we experienced. That awareness is the starting point. In all of these situations, when our parents see us parenting differently, they may embrace it, but there is also the possibility that they will feel offended. Some parents interpret the differences in our choices as a judgment of their parenting and want to know what was so wrong with the way they raised us (even if the answer might be: quite a lot). For example, I grew up watching whatever I wanted on TV. I watched all the HBO documentaries. There were no filters. Now, I pay very close attention to the ratings for what my children watch. I preview shows before they see them and check Common Sense Media [ https://substack.com/redirect/a4556e36-fecc-4166-a89a-85d8b9ac0b2c?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] to make sure they’re appropriate. Why? Because although it was fun to watch whatever I wanted, it also exposed me to information I wasn’t prepared to receive or process. I didn’t need to know those things at that stage of my life. None of it was useful at the time. It mostly led to inappropriate conversations and probably a few life choices that were less than ideal. So when their grandparents are around, I’m quick to say the TV needs to be turned off or the channel needs to be changed. We have filters here. We respect age boundaries. I want to honor that. I want my children to stay in their childhood for as long as they can. And part of doing that requires me to parent differently. There are people who never really consider what kind of parent they want to be. They simply fall into the same patterns they observed growing up and don’t even realize there may be another option. The cycle continues because they haven’t taken the time to reflect on what might have been harmful, how it affected them, and what could have been different. That’s why it’s beautiful when someone is thoughtful about the kind of parent they want to be and makes a plan to do and be better. This is also a wonderful time to go to therapy, read therapy books (I’ve written a few [ https://substack.com/redirect/ddd7d72d-86d0-47cd-a036-0318c3c56f76?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]), and do the work of repairing ourselves so we can parent well. We cannot undo the past, and we cannot create a better version of ourselves through our children. They have their own experiences, their own personalities, and their own paths. They are not us. Our job is simply to show up the best we can, in the ways they need us. Journal Prompt What is a practice your parents engaged in that didn’t serve you in your childhood? There are a few spaces left in my small group, Breaking the Family Pattern. Sign up here [ https://substack.com/redirect/88f08df3-b84f-4730-96f3-4210cf71909a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week It Will Never Happen to Me, by Claudia Black, Ph.D.. You can find this book on Amazon [ https://substack.com/redirect/463218e9-f42d-4e78-b668-d9c5cd9e2870?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] and Bookshop [ https://substack.com/redirect/3f7df50d-1c8b-4338-8358-3a953c0c6ef5?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. How to Recharge Your Social Battery, According to Therapists [ https://substack.com/redirect/fb18ce78-084b-4af1-ad03-cc2a41688cb0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Jenna Ryu, in SELF. Difficult People in Your Life Might Make You Age Faster [ https://substack.com/redirect/c74b319f-ed07-4e49-a62e-c47a6a312980?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Kathleen Felton, in The Washington Post. Six Things to Know if You are Estranged From Your Adult Child [ https://substack.com/redirect/c842471f-9891-4b79-a326-967693f6f7cb?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Joshua Coleman, in The Washington Post. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVORGd6TmpRNU1Td2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzJOelkyTmpRMUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EZ3pNREkyTkRVc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LnF4UFNFM1Rlc1ZjZzhxcEhaT0l4c2VZSXNSSUtPQWNVeTJ2Vm1BMlB6ak0iLCJwIjoxOTQ4MzY0OTEsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc2NzY2NjQ1LCJleHAiOjIwOTIzNDI2NDUsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.EkMknNKILkxd01ApLl5RHSRTLHwnVWOb1SnWOli-UPI?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/you-already-know-the-concepts If you’ve been following along, you already know that Breaking the Family Pattern is a 4-week small group experience designed to help you move from understanding boundaries to actually using them—with the people who make it hardest. I wanted to follow up because I know that for many of you, this isn’t a new conversation. You’ve read the books. You’ve listened to the podcasts. You may have even tried to have the conversation and it didn’t go the way you hoped. That’s exactly who this group is for. Family relationships are different. Old roles, long histories, and unspoken expectations don’t disappear just because you’ve done the work. That’s why I created this experience, not as a lecture or a passive workshop, but as a structured, interactive cohort where we work through the emotional and practical challenges of communicating differently with the people who know you best. Here’s what to expect: • 4 live weekly sessions — 90 minutes each • An intentionally small cohort • Space to ask questions, reflect on your specific family dynamics, and practice applying tools in real time • Reflection exercises and check-ins between sessions • A private environment — sessions will not be recorded, so we can speak openly and honestly Session Dates (Eastern Time) • April 28 — 3:00–4:30 PM • May 5 — 3:00–4:30 PM • May 12 — 3:00–4:30 PM • May 19 — 3:00–4:30 PM Because the group is small and intentional, space is limited. If you’ve been waiting for the right moment to do this work, this may be it. Be Well, Nedra Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVORFV5TVRBeU1pd2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzJORE0xTURnMExDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EYzVOekV3T0RRc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LlFZNkd3aURQZ2tZc083d21zRG5JLXFxcXRDUDh0OHFCWGpwUVo1QlhCZEEiLCJwIjoxOTQ1MjEwMjIsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc2NDM1MDg0LCJleHAiOjIwOTIwMTEwODQsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.O83PGdZ2hjmeFwwKla-WmEMMp9PM0P_kyfwiXfWQj2E?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/it-didnt-happen-for-a-reason When people are going through hard moments in life, we often say the wrong things in an effort to comfort them. In our defense, we’re usually just trying to say something that will make the person feel better, but the message just isn’t right for the moment. Most of us can think of a time when we’ve: Lost a loved one Broken up with a friend or partner Lost a job Gone through something really challenging, like a divorce Just as we can recall these experiences, we can also remember people saying some of the dumbest, most unhelpful, and sometimes even slightly offensive things in response to our circumstances. Think about when an elder in our life dies and someone asks, “How old were they?” only to follow up with, “At least they lived a full life.” While it may be true that our grandma was 82, we still miss her. We may not have wanted her to live forever, but we’re still allowed to sit with the sadness of her being gone. There can also be sadness even when we’re the ones who initiate the end of a relationship. Yet people will say things like, “I bet you’re glad to be done with that.” It’s really important not to assume how people are feeling, and not to assume that they share the same life story or perspective as we do. We need to move away from some of the phrases we tend to fall back on: Everything will be okay. It will all work out. There will be light at the end of the tunnel. This was just a setup for something bigger. Everything happens for a reason. All of those responses can be well-intentioned, but when people are in the midst of hard moments, hearing those things often isn’t helpful. It might be more helpful to ask, “What do you think you need to hear right now?” If the person needs us to get into our affirmation bag, we can do that with them. But if they want us to simply acknowledge how terrible things feel, we can do that too. It’s important to assess the tone and the vibe of the situation before offering a response. I remember when a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. When breakups happen, I’m usually the person who’s like: cue the Mary J. Blige, turn on Cardi B. Forget him, he’s no good. So when my friend and her boyfriend split, that’s exactly where I went. But she stopped me and said, “Actually, he’s a very nice guy and I don’t want to say anything bad about him.” Boy, did I get that wrong. So now, until they’re mad, I’m not mad. I wait for their cue. We can’t assume we know what people are feeling. The more life we experience, the better we get at supporting people through hard moments. And the more we learn about what we needed during difficult times, the better we become at sharing those lessons with others. Journal Prompt What do you want to hear from the people close to you when you’re having a challenging moment? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week Why Does Drinking Mess With My Emotions? [ https://substack.com/redirect/66116d6f-f9c7-4367-bfff-b2fac3af87cc?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Allesandra DiCorato, in The New York Times. When Honesty is Overrated in Relationships [ https://substack.com/redirect/fa1c31d0-e0a4-4b53-862f-6da064efa1d2?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Angela Haupt, in TIME. Every Day I Read, by Hwang Bo-Reum. Reading books about reading is such a sweet delight. In this gentle read, a few passages here and there offer helpful ideas about how to read often and with intention. You can find it on Amazon [ https://substack.com/redirect/d5f83930-b557-423a-b3c2-9d17ca3aa61a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] and Bookshop [ https://substack.com/redirect/c570edbd-06ba-45fd-bedb-9b9c06ce3b1d?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNemN3TnpRMk1Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzJNVFl4T1RnNExDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EYzJPVGM1T0Rnc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5Lk5POGxURHllLUxyaEpNOGpXbkZwdVJyci1KZEJhQ0JaZVQxTktKTm9fOUkiLCJwIjoxOTM3MDc0NjAsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc2MTYxOTg4LCJleHAiOjIwOTE3Mzc5ODgsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.36T00OXsDA1YgBPtt2A2Zmr5WeSYKfmrQQBxrYFHRQ4?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/the-burden-of-responsibility Before we start, I have two announcements: Family relationships can be among the most meaningful and challenging connections in our lives. If you’ve ever shut down mid-conversation with a parent, walked away from a sibling feeling drained, or set a boundary that no one seems to respect, Breaking the Family Pattern [ https://substack.com/redirect/19476cc9-ff6b-4a14-bd92-011908576f80?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] was made for you. This 4-week small group experience will help you identify what’s really going on, understand your role in the dynamic, and practice holding your boundaries even when family pushes back. If you’re ready to stop giving more than you have, this is your next step. Click here to register. [ https://substack.com/redirect/19476cc9-ff6b-4a14-bd92-011908576f80?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Join me in conversation with former Vice President Kamala Harris on April 13 in Greensboro, NC, at the Steven Tanger Center for the Performing Arts. Get your tickets now. [ https://substack.com/redirect/2d675440-6557-4fa6-a8e7-c7e86228836c?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Responsibility can be forced or chosen. Forced responsibility looks like: Having to do something because no one else will Being the only person present to take on a certain role Being the only one with the skills and capacity to do something that needs to be done Chosen responsibility looks like: There not being a real need for us to fulfill a certain function Not utilizing our support systems well and taking on more than is necessary There being other options, but we still insist on being the one to take something on Being in a season where we’ve decided we are “the responsible one” There’s a difference between taking on the identity of “the responsible one” and actually having to be responsible. We need to ask ourselves: Is this a situation where this behavior is absolutely necessary? Or is it one where we’re choosing it? While I was the youngest, I was also the person in my family who was considered wise and mature. I was often called upon to counsel one person or another. Because I had certain skills and abilities, I was expected to take on that responsibility. But ultimately, I rejected it. I embraced that role throughout my twenties, but now I’m like, “Leave me alone.” I don’t want it. I’m not choosing that anymore. I decided that the people in my family were going to have to be responsible for themselves. And I also decided that if they didn’t want to take that on, that was okay too. Some people don’t want to be responsible for themselves, but that doesn’t mean I have to do it for them. We can’t be the voice in other people’s heads. It requires too much of our energy. Even if we’re great at it, we can still step back. It may even have been necessary for us to assume that role at one point, and we can still step back. I started writing Set Boundaries, Find Peace [ https://substack.com/redirect/76d26483-7f72-41b7-a035-207790e96722?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] over five years ago. In the introduction I wrote: “Last year I received a text from a relative asking me to help them fix someone. I knew I’d grown when I wrote back, ‘This is not my job, and it’s not your job either.’ After many years of trying to save the same person, I quit.” That’s a true story. That was me. That job was thankless. No pension. No benefits. I wrote that in 2019, and that person still has the same problem in 2026. We were not put on this earth to be case managers for our relatives. To let go of our chosen responsibilities, we have to adopt new beliefs, like: Things will not fall apart if I’m not the one doing them. Other people can help. Other people can learn and put into action what I’ve been doing all along. I’m not uniquely capable; I’ve just had more practice. Other people can practice too. Sometimes we’re responsible simply because we’ve had a lot of practice being responsible. But eventually, we need to let someone else do it. Our tenure is up. We’ve served enough terms as Responsibility President. We can let somebody else hold that title. Move on down to Treasurer. Journal Prompt What chosen responsibility can you release yourself from? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week Why You Should Ask Your Friends for a Performance Review [ https://substack.com/redirect/bd6186af-aa86-4ec1-87aa-d5e9872efd5a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Ellen O’Brien, in SELF. The Art of Spending Money, by Morgan Housel. This was an insightful read for those who want to learn about finance beyond the basics. You can find this book on Amazon [ https://substack.com/redirect/290c7e30-1ba1-4947-888c-a05763853d3a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] and Bookshop [ https://substack.com/redirect/b66f0038-58a4-4e70-b9cc-6c03208c6735?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. How to Sleep Better While Traveling [ https://substack.com/redirect/b8e612ac-4f26-4caa-97e0-b5738b866f87?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Lisa Strauss, in The Washington Post. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNelF4TXpnMU15d2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzFOVFUzTURVMUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EY3dPVE13TlRVc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5Lmp6RDF0bXdFN01OY3l0NGpMOXJjUjU4M283SU4yczJzTW1qMV92S0RUdFEiLCJwIjoxOTM0MTM4NTMsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc1NTU3MDU1LCJleHAiOjIwOTExMzMwNTUsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.qX8uMYJ0BmIzG_zuWuxYcZJY6FPuRIFPo9pVND54Yio?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/breaking-the-family-pattern I’m excited to invite you to a unique opportunity to work closely with me in a small, guided group experience designed to help you navigate some of the most difficult conversations you’ll ever have—those with family. Many people understand boundaries intellectually, but when it comes to parents and siblings, old roles, expectations, and family history can make it incredibly hard to actually speak up or change the dynamic. Breaking the Family Pattern [ https://substack.com/redirect/5fee10da-f22b-4f75-b59f-780719a683e0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] [ https://substack.com/redirect/5fee10da-f22b-4f75-b59f-780719a683e0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]is a 4-week small group experience designed to help you move from understanding boundaries to practicing them in real life. This is not a lecture or a passive workshop. It is a structured, interactive cohort where we will work through the emotional and practical challenges of communicating differently with the people who know you best. A Small, Intentional Cohort Working directly with me, this group will be limited to 20 participants so that everyone has space to engage, reflect, and receive meaningful support. You’ll have the opportunity to: Ask questions Reflect on your specific family dynamics Practice applying the tools we discuss Learn alongside others navigating similar challenges Format 4-week small group experience Live weekly sessions (90 minutes each) Check-ins Reflection exercises and homework Interactive discussion and practical tools Because we will be discussing personal family dynamics, sessions will not be recorded. This allows us to create a space of privacy, trust, and honest conversation. Group Schedule Sessions will be held live on the following dates (Eastern Standard Time): April 28 — 3:00 PM – 4:30 PM May 5 — 3:00 PM – 4:30 PM May 12 — 3:00 PM – 4:30 PM May 19 — 3:00 PM – 4:30 PM Who This Group Is For This group is especially helpful for people who have: Read books on boundaries or family relationships Listened to podcasts or consumed personal growth content Tried to have difficult conversations with family but felt stuck You understand the concepts—but applying them with your own family still feels hard. A Limited Opportunity [ https://substack.com/redirect/5fee10da-f22b-4f75-b59f-780719a683e0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Because the group will be intentionally small, space is limited to 20 participants. This is a rare opportunity to work together live in a focused, supportive environment dedicated to helping you change long-standing family patterns. If you’re ready to approach family relationships with more clarity, confidence, and emotional steadiness, this group is for you. If you’ve been waiting for the right moment to do this work, this may be it. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNekF4TWpFNU1Td2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzFNakU0TURRNExDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EWTNOVFF3TkRnc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LjRBYV93X2hKaWRyOEI1NzdXdWJYY0FwUWJrRHB4TXJtLVF5N0syMzVNR28iLCJwIjoxOTMwMTIxOTEsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc1MjE4MDQ4LCJleHAiOjIwOTA3OTQwNDgsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.y26EaSYr7XbTmtLR9xHjzio4zB2IJHjDYoE1NOmaBr8?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/between-us-nedra-glover-tawwab-esther Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNams0TlRnNU55d2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzFNVFV5TlRJM0xDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EWTJPRGcxTWpjc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LmhqZ3JBSzhLMWs3WWVkVXFBVUFjWlJYMzd3V3dDam9aU0xONUl2S0lkaHciLCJwIjoxOTI5ODU4OTcsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc1MTUyNTI3LCJleHAiOjIwOTA3Mjg1MjcsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.2qcZ0MKIv0zMKBV2mCJB4xJE_n-NBLvwDf1VdMpZEHg?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/tell-the-whole-story When we share only parts of our story and omit other pieces, it can make it difficult for people to help us, whether that’s a partner, friends, family members, or even a therapist. We have to get comfortable sharing the more challenging parts of our stories. Sometimes that’s easier to do in hindsight, after we’ve grown past the experience. But while we’re in the middle of it, we may not be able to engage in the level of truth-telling needed to gain valuable insight from others. If you’d like to support my work, purchase a subscription to this free newsletter. Your support helps me continue creating these posts and sustaining the newsletter. We don’t always know ourselves as well as we think we do, so it can be helpful to seek perspectives from other people. Those perspectives can help us acknowledge that the way we were processing something wasn’t helpful, or perhaps that we were wrong, and that realization can be life-changing. For many of us, when we realize we’re wrong, we try to pretend that we’re not. Sometimes we even try to convince ourselves. It would benefit all of us to practice asking: What are two things I could have done differently? Sometimes I work with people who are unhappy about how a situation unfolded, a breakup, for example. They might tell me at length about how terrible their partner was and everything their partner did wrong. I always ask them, “What was your contribution?” It’s easy to point the finger, but we have to ask ourselves how we may have shown up in ways that contributed to the outcome. It’s easy to think: They didn’t like me. They’re being mean. They’re being unfair. What’s harder is asking ourselves, Was any of what they said true? We have to consider the role we played, because that’s where the opportunity for growth lies. We all have things about ourselves that we’re either unaware of or tend to ignore. We all have blind spots. Sometimes these parts of ourselves are easy to spot in others, but much harder to see in ourselves. Journal Prompt What was a time someone brought something to your attention that you hadn’t noticed about yourself? How did you receive that information? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week Kin, by Tayari Jones. Mother wounds manifest in different ways, taking two friends on an interesting life journey. The relational impact of the wound and how it shows up within ourselves are key themes in this book. You can find it on Amazon [ https://substack.com/redirect/01f8c3d5-9024-4e8f-831a-a0d5efa004f1?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] and Bookshop [ https://substack.com/redirect/3bd80343-d376-4897-96b3-e0d143c62a64?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Radical Honesty Isn’t Emotional Intimacy [ https://substack.com/redirect/d4675263-9d22-421c-ad3b-3d419615901b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Jill P. Weber, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. Paradise. Season 2 is back with some exciting twists and turns. Sterling K. Brown has the most infectious on-screen presence; he nails it. I get emotionally involved when I see his tears. You can watch it on Hulu [ https://substack.com/redirect/be5828a4-98d2-48bd-b29b-96ce5b174e7a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNakF5TXpjMk9Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzBPVFUxTWpVMUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EWTBPVEV5TlRVc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LlpNWmxkUXl5aE5UVElGSWoyRllzbFA1T19KZzF2N2pQa3paU0R3ZDRvOTgiLCJwIjoxOTIwMjM3NjgsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc0OTU1MjU1LCJleHAiOjIwOTA1MzEyNTUsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.PfTfiAK5RAp_lvpLwWCvhUe2Elq_irOSy5kTeqA9LJo?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/relationships-need-loyalty-programs Taking relationships for granted is something I don’t think we talk about enough. When we first enter relationships, we tend to show a higher level of flexibility, intentionality, and endurance. The people in relationships with us see that we have the capacity to show up in these ways. So when the relationship gets older or begins to wane and those behaviors are no longer present, or begin to fade, people are often frustrated and confused by their disappearance. This dynamic even shows up in professional settings. When you interview for a job, no one says, “This is a place where we work people to the bone. We say it’s a 40-hour workweek, but it’s actually 70. We call people at night and on weekends and constantly stress them out. It’s part of our culture.” No one says that. Instead, they tell us, “It’s lovely here. We believe in work-life balance. We offer great benefits and perks.” Then once they have us, once we’ve settled into the job, six months down the line we begin to realize just how stressful the environment actually is. Nedra Nuggets is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Sometimes I understand the impulse. We want to get people in the door. We want to put our very best foot forward. But the drop-off after we’ve secured them needs to be less severe. We need to maintain our people. Nothing gets me more upset than “new customer deals.” They’re easily in my top ten list of pet peeves. I have called companies on a fifteen, well past a ten, because here I am paying my full bill every single month at some outrageous rate, and then I come across an offer saying new customers can get $30 off. That makes me feel taken for granted. I’m not saying they have to give me $30 off too; I understand they can’t build a business that way, but could I at least get a $20 discount for being a customer for five years? If companies are going to offer new customer benefits, there should also be a loyalty program. As we think about our relationships with people and reflect on how we showed up in the beginning, it’s not that we have to continue at the exact same pace. But we do need to be thoughtful about how we continue to show up. It becomes problematic when we’re over the top in the beginning and then drop off almost entirely a few months or years later. Sometimes we do this because we think we’ve secured the person or the situation. We assume there’s nothing more we need to do to maintain it—but that’s simply not true. People will leave relationships because of poor maintenance. People will leave their internet company or their job because they believe they can do better elsewhere. So what does being taken for granted look like? Not caring for others properly Not paying attention Not dedicating time A lack of flexibility Whether the people we’re in relationships with express it or not, they need a certain level of care, and that need doesn’t diminish just because the relationship isn’t new anymore. Meeting people is good. Maintaining our relationships with them is better. Journal Prompt What relationships in your life need more care? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week The Art of Spending Money, by Morgan Housel. This was an insightful read for those who want to learn about finance beyond the basics. You can find it on Amazon [ https://substack.com/redirect/858b984c-875b-466e-857c-0a0543fda608?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] and Bookshop [ https://substack.com/redirect/0a857dda-c330-4cb1-ba51-cb3b0cd09ccf?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. St. Denis Medical. This is a good laugh if you like shows like The Office or Parks and Recreation. You can watch it on Peacock [ https://substack.com/redirect/6cd65ff3-f0e2-4b84-a3a6-d7499e669ba7?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Why “We Should Hang Out” Won’t Make You Real Friends on the Life Kit podcast. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts [ https://substack.com/redirect/9fa4602b-1f02-4a0c-8384-d2135a7f2f84?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] or wherever you stream podcasts. Nedra Nuggets is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNVEUwT1Rjek5Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56YzBNelEzTkRZd0xDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EVTRPRE0wTmpBc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LlZ1Zm5SWXJ0dU9ndk80ZF9FVjFEdmxPby1vUHJKVFZONkR2RWR1YXhvaVUiLCJwIjoxOTExNDk3MzQsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzc0MzQ3NDYwLCJleHAiOjIwODk5MjM0NjAsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.bXffDV8_RrQAJrCm8aRQ6DScudzIns_PJkZQuSAs7Fw?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/boundaries-cant-rely-on-people-changing Washington, D.C., I will be in conversation with Yung Pueblo on Friday, March 20th. Get tickets here [ https://substack.com/redirect/cc6834d3-59bb-4527-8ffc-716252e5634a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. When we choose to remain in relationships with people who refuse to respect a boundary, what we’re essentially saying is, “I love you, and I want to be here with you despite your unwillingness to honor my boundary.” Sometimes we feel like we can’t make that choice. We may believe that people have to respect a boundary in order for us to remain in relationship with them, but that’s not always the case. Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend. I was telling her about a person in my life who never respects a particular boundary I have. As a result, I have to maintain very strong boundaries with them and be strategic about how I enforce them. I know they will not honor my boundary because of their temperament and their desire to please other people. So my boundary sounds something like this: “There are certain relationships I don’t want to be involved in, and I would prefer that you not bring any information about those relationships into my orbit.” Nedra Nuggets is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This person cannot respect that boundary because they themselves feel obligated to stay in those relationships. They believe everyone should maintain certain relationships, and they struggle to say no. So I maintain my boundary by staying out of those scenarios while recognizing that I cannot force them to do the same. Would I prefer that this person didn’t behave this way? Of course. Would I prefer that they respect my boundary? One thousand percent, two thousand percent, even. But I go into the relationship with my eyes wide open, understanding that I am choosing to remain in it even though they do not honor this boundary. Some people cannot change, and that has nothing to do with us. Their issues likely have nothing to do with us. They may still impact us, and we have to find ways to navigate that, but it isn’t personal. The boundaries we set with those people may need to be extra strong. In reality, though, our boundaries aren’t about them; they’re about us honoring and respecting ourselves. I can honestly say that I’ve practiced the guidance in books like Set Boundaries, Find Peace [ https://substack.com/redirect/b6dc1dee-79ed-485c-913b-a195a6a42e06?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], Drama Free [ https://substack.com/redirect/24e5551b-8b5f-44b2-8f79-6e23d3a40b34?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], and The Balancing Act [ https://substack.com/redirect/ef414d40-7b5a-4612-91e8-e78731ef61c1?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Because of that, I’m operating in a well-practiced environment. My superpower is understanding that I’m not going to change anybody, not their personality, their beliefs, or their values. Trying to do that would be a violation of their boundaries, and I don’t want to violate someone else’s boundaries in order to honor my own. So even when people don’t honor my boundaries, I: Continue to restate the boundary Honor the boundary through my own behavior Disregard requests for me to shift my boundary Sometimes a person not honoring a boundary can look like this: If we have a loved one or friend who has had issues in their relationship and we no longer want to be around their significant other, we cannot make them end that relationship. We can’t force them not to bring that person to events. What we can do is choose not to attend events where that person will be present. We can spend one-on-one time with our friend in settings where their partner isn’t there. But we can’t change their relationship status. If we have a family member who is always late and we value punctuality, we cannot make them be on time. That has to be something they want for themselves. What we can do is tell them an earlier time so they arrive closer to when we actually want them there. We can also get comfortable with them missing out on things. If someone we know has a habit of gossiping and that’s not something we want to engage in, we can’t force them to stop gossiping. What we can manage is how we participate. When they start with, “Girl, did I tell you…,” we can interrupt and say, “Girl, did I tell you I’m about to go watch Paradise [ https://substack.com/redirect/98095ed4-ca1f-4e0b-8f9c-5374659c7580?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]?” We may not be in a place where we want to end the relationship. We may not want to stop talking to someone who has many other wonderful qualities. That means we have to manage our boundaries in a way that doesn’t rely on them to change. If you’d like to support my work, purchase a subscription to this free newsletter. Your support helps me continue creating these posts and sustaining the newsletter. Journal Prompt How have you adjusted a boundary to manage a relationship with someone who won’t change? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week My Son And His Wife Fight Dirty. Should I Get Involved? [ https://substack.com/redirect/c88fd09f-3880-4a14-8be9-e33c6c28e252?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Lori Gottlieb, in The New York Times. How to Recharge Your Social Battery, According to Therapists [ https://substack.com/redirect/ed8729ba-d410-452e-82cb-390ee3203d12?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Jenna Ryu in SELF. Accused. This is a good series that you can pick up or leave; each episode does not build on the last. This has been great to watch when I don’t want a serious commitment. You can watch it on Hulu [ https://substack.com/redirect/bbe069f6-79c7-44d1-8ae8-9832e3f13e1c?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Nedra Nuggets is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNVEUwTlRZME5Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56Y3pOelF5TmpVeUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EVXlOemcyTlRJc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5Lk5SUkNKODhRWVZmQU9BclI2OE5SSFBwLUFFX1kyeDFuaEhQTVd2RGtXZ28iLCJwIjoxOTExNDU2NDQsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzczNzQyNjUyLCJleHAiOjIwODkzMTg2NTIsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.FgGUffx9zmHsGL6r4XoM7iAy7UukVBPKqbkPt26KVaI?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/it-might-be-time-to-stop-repeating There are times when repeating yourself is a healthy strategy for ensuring that others hear and understand your needs. However, I often get asked, “How do I know when I’ve repeated myself too much?” If you’re asking yourself that question, it’s probably a sign that you have. The other day, my daughter asked me what my pet peeve is. I told her, “Repeating the same thing over and over.” By that, I mean repeating the same instructions daily. For example, if I have to say, “Put your plates in the sink,” every single day, it becomes exhausting because I expect that to be automatic by now. This also happens in our adult relationships. We might tell someone, “I’m not dating anyone right now, and I don’t want to talk about it,” yet they continue to bring it up. That kind of repetition becomes frustrating because we’ve already given clear and direct information. Sometimes, people simply aren’t listening. They make no effort to understand or respect what we’ve communicated. If we’ve shared a boundary or expressed a need, and the person keeps trying to make us ignore or dismiss it, they’re showing a lack of interest in what we’ve said. I often experience this when someone tries to schedule a meeting with me. I’ll say, “I’m not available on the 22nd,” but they’ll come back with, “How about the 22nd at 2:30 or 3 p.m.?” At that point, it’s clear their agenda is more important to them than what I’m saying, and they’re trying to force a situation that won’t work. When you’ve had to repeat yourself so many times, it might make you question the relationship or dynamic. While you can’t leave your kids, and you may not want to leave your partner or your job, you may need to try a different approach. You might have to: Stick to what you’ve said Be clear and concise Stay firm Continue pursuing the outcome you desire Some people do need reminders to respect our boundaries or stay on task. Other times, we might decide we’re no longer willing to accept the behavior, and that’s when we must consider whether to continue the relationship. When it reaches that point, it’s helpful to reflect on what we can do differently. Often, we set boundaries and ask others to respect them without fully owning those boundaries ourselves. We need to recognize the power we have to change the situation. For example, if you tell someone not to call you after 9 p.m., you have the power to simply not pick up the phone. If you tell someone that certain times aren’t good for visits, you can choose not to let them into your home during those times. We must recognize our power when we find ourselves repeating the same requests. Journal Prompt What is something you are tired of repeating? What could you do differently besides continuing to repeat yourself? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week 7 Memoirs Therapists Think You Should Read [ https://substack.com/redirect/3efad97b-f044-4f62-85f2-532d1e69200d?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Louisa Kamps in The New York Times. Be Humble. It’s Good for Learning and Your Relationships [ https://substack.com/redirect/03ff7bd0-49d4-4b7f-a0cd-cdf6109d8b63?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Richard Sima in The Washington Post. How to Destroy Everything podcast. You can listen to this show on Apple Podcasts [ https://substack.com/redirect/072c16c8-f57c-4afb-a3e3-92af5254bff9?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], Spotify [ https://substack.com/redirect/41bd1cd1-a192-40ae-9149-212c2b00f476?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], or wherever you stream podcasts. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTVNRE01T0RFMk1pd2lhV0YwSWpveE56Y3pNVE0zT1RrNUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EUTJOek01T1Rrc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LndrdkE3ZDdJenA4RTVCa1ppM2xURVNORk1UVG9pTFNwbTV1TGhXeURRM3ciLCJwIjoxOTAzOTgxNjIsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzczMTM3OTk5LCJleHAiOjIwODg3MTM5OTksImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.wgHf2j_XVNN-5WVDS8s6TNMkPaH7Yu4DBxS5onSUtBw?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/you-belong-here I was asked to be part of Vice President Kamala Harris’s 107 Days Tour, and I had a moment that might not immediately be labeled as imposter syndrome. Still, I found myself wondering, “How did she find me?” “Does she know who I am?” and “Am I really the kind of person who speaks to the Vice President?” When we think about imposter syndrome, we often associate it with feeling undeserving. But it can also show up as disbelief about our circumstances, even when we have done the work to earn our place. There can be awe mixed in with the fear—a sense of “Wow, how did I get here?” That moment of amazement is not always insecurity. Sometimes it is simply the shock of realizing how far we have come. Imposter syndrome can come from our own internal dialogue, but it can also be shaped by what we have been told by others or by the conditions we grew up in. If we were raised with scarcity, limitation, or messages about what was possible for us, success can feel disorienting. When something good happens, we may think, “Whose life is this?” It can feel almost like an out-of-body experience. When imposter syndrome shows up, we might: Quit We may believe the opportunity is too good to be true, or feel afraid to step outside our comfort zone. Resent our position We might feel irritated about being asked to do more or to stretch in new ways, complaining instead of recognizing the opportunity as a gift. Feel anxious or depressed Imposter syndrome can trigger worry, uncertainty, and self-doubt. Over time, that confusion can develop into anxiety. Feeling like we do not belong can also lead to isolation, which may contribute to depression. On the other hand, some of us respond to imposter syndrome by: Putting in more effort to fully own where we are We practice, study, and prepare so we feel ready for what life has placed in front of us. Claiming our place We center ourselves in the belief that we deserve to be where we are and recognize the opportunity as the result of sustained effort and growth. Affirmations can be especially helpful when imposter syndrome arises: I am where I have worked hard to be This is useful when imposter syndrome shows up as disbelief. We may question how we arrived where we are or why we were chosen instead of someone else. Others see something in me that I struggle to see in myself This can help when imposter syndrome shows up as awe. Sometimes we are so accustomed to our own skills that we do not recognize their value or the expertise they require. Whatever skills I lack, I can learn This is helpful when imposter syndrome shows up as feeling unprepared. Few roles come without a learning curve. Most require us to learn new systems, work with new people, and adopt new practices. Growth takes time, but learning is always possible. Sometimes our early programming places limits on how far we believe we can go in the game of life. But it may be possible to level up beyond anything we once imagined. Journal Prompt Does Imposter Syndrome show up for you as disbelief, awe, or feeling unprepared? How do you move through these feelings? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week ‘Bridgerton’ Tackles the Orgasm Gap [ https://substack.com/redirect/b2e42470-6b70-44f0-b722-924d214cbc2b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], [ https://substack.com/redirect/b2e42470-6b70-44f0-b722-924d214cbc2b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Catherine Pearson, in The New York Times. Couples Are Using ChatGPT to Resolve Arguments. Is That Lazy or Brilliant? [ https://substack.com/redirect/a0cfb110-670a-4d4e-8219-14453801a50d?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Brittany Wong in HuffPost. Why “We Should Hang Out” Won’t Make You Real Friends on Life Kit podcast. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts [ https://substack.com/redirect/678bcc47-ae0c-4924-ae0f-d063bf62f1cb?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], or wherever you stream podcasts. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTRPVFk0TnpVeE9Td2lhV0YwSWpveE56Y3lOVE0yTmpJNExDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EUXdOekkyTWpnc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5Ljd3WV9TZV92UUZNSnVZU0tUZkJjSlhFc283bjRrWGNUeFBlLUpfaE44a1EiLCJwIjoxODk2ODc1MTksInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzcyNTM2NjI4LCJleHAiOjIwODgxMTI2MjgsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.XvgrLRKzd6JQDnRL3ZDXdz3yWupqWGZ8AyUAK4uNkl0?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/when-no-contact-is-the-last-option Two more stops on the tour. A virtual event tonight [ https://substack.com/redirect/03fbae1a-5f39-41c5-b8bd-ff2c7c7847f6?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] and in Charlotte, NC, on Thursday [ https://substack.com/redirect/03fbae1a-5f39-41c5-b8bd-ff2c7c7847f6?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. When I decide to leave a relationship, I have already explored and exhausted many options to stay. The decision is not abrupt, even if it appears that way to the other person. Even when the circumstance that ultimately leads me to leave does not seem like a big deal on its own, there is usually a long history behind that choice. In the past, I allowed things to go on far too long. What I have learned is that when we repeatedly tolerate harmful behavior or remain in situations that are clearly unhealthy, the other person often comes to believe they do not need to change. Sometimes they even grow resentful when we finally ask them to do so. There is a common belief that going no contact is impulsive or thoughtless. Between my conversation on Oprah’s show, the many conversations I have had with clients over the years, and speaking with people who have been on the receiving end of no contact, I have heard the same refrain again and again. They do not understand why someone cut them off, or they believe the incident that triggered the decision was minor. In reality, there is usually a long list of behaviors that came before that final moment. The last incident may be big or small, but it pushed someone to their enough point. By the time that point is reached, the person has often already tried to work through it many times. The other party may not recognize those efforts, but that lack of recognition is part of the problem. People who are shocked when someone goes no contact are often people who have not been listening. Or, if they were listening, they were quietly deciding that what was being shared did not warrant their attention. In relationships, we do not get to decide what another person’s tolerance for our behavior should be. I once told someone that I could no longer tolerate their behavior, and they responded by saying, “You are supposed to be a therapist.” It was said as if that meant I should be able to endure an unlimited amount of nonsense. The only people I imagine might be built for that are spiritual leaders who fully embody their teachings. I am not a monk. I am not a pastor. They did not teach me how to tolerate nonsense in school. They taught me how to write treatment plans and create case plans, but tolerating harmful behavior was not part of the curriculum. It is not something I learned, and it is not something I am interested in learning. Sometimes people decide for themselves what should qualify as a big enough reason for no contact, and that mindset prevents real listening. We may be in the middle of a no contact surge, but we are also experiencing a no listening surge, and that part often goes unexamined. I understand that people are upset about losing relationships, but the real question is whether they were listening before the relationship ended. Many people insist they deserve to be heard, while refusing to hear the other person. Some people become fixated on being right. They insist that the person who went no contact is wrong. But right and wrong stop mattering when a relationship is lost. Whether it is fair or unfair, the loss is still real. There are people who go no contact who would be open to repairing the relationship, but the other person refuses to apologize or take accountability. The relationship could be restored if being in it mattered more than being right. When the relationship is the bigger picture, we have to be willing to ask ourselves: Is there any truth in what the other person is saying about me? Do I have a blindspot? Am I missing something? If I asked five people, without giving them any back story, whether this is true about me, what would they say? The saddest part is that some people are willing to die on the hill of refusing accountability. I have worked with aging clients who had not spoken to their children in twenty years and claimed they had no idea why. Multiple children, no relationship, and no explanation. That does not add up. Refusing to take responsibility becomes another form of harm, because denying someone’s reality is, in itself, a form of abuse. That is what the absence of accountability does. Journal Prompt What is your experience with no-contact relationships? How would the presence of accountability have changed that situation? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week 5 Conversations to Have With Your Aging Parents [ https://substack.com/redirect/4a219d77-7b63-4f9e-9a01-662405115976?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Simar Bajaj, in The New York Times. A Lot of Women Don’t Realize They’re Lonely. Here Are the Subtle Signs [ https://substack.com/redirect/867bf185-6547-4dc4-8c37-37cf45875a10?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Korin Miller, in SELF. If you’re a therapist or want to share with your therapist, my thera-friend Earl Martin created some free resources [ https://substack.com/redirect/05671b44-9dc3-4dc5-93db-9a90ec8c2758?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. ‘Weaponized Incompetence’ Can Harm Relationships. Here’s How to Counter It [ https://substack.com/redirect/b7c00f2a-2b1c-41a9-ba48-ec7bb0fcde7e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Jelena Kecmanovic, in The Washington Post. Why ‘We Should Hang Out,’ Won’t Make You Real Friends on the Life Kit podcast. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts [ https://substack.com/redirect/0f627084-cf18-4ac8-9926-5d05c577ab50?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] or wherever you stream podcasts. 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View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/learning-to-bend When I was a baby (early in my career) therapist, I worked at a company that supported families through reunification after children had been removed from their homes through the foster care system. While I was there, we transitioned to an electronic record-keeping system. Instead of handwriting notes and billing statements, we were now required to enter everything into a computer. One of my coworkers, about twenty to thirty years older than I was at the time, flatly refused to switch to the new system. She said, “I’m just about the age where I can retire. I’m not about to learn this new thing,” and she quit. Thanks for reading Nedra Nuggets! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. That experience taught me an important lesson. Some of us are not unable to change—we are unwilling to. And it doesn’t actually have anything to do with age. It has more to do with discomfort and resistance to doing things differently than we are used to. Even when there are clear benefits, we can cling tightly to what feels familiar. In this case, it didn’t matter to my coworker that electronic records were safer and more secure. She opposed them simply because they were new. For some of us, instead of going with the flow of life, we resist it, and that resistance can sometimes leave us behind. One way to become more flexible is to get curious about why we feel resistant. We can ask ourselves: What are three ways this change could be positive? What are the benefits? Why am I so offended by this change? Why does this feel like a personal attack? Am I capable of learning new things? Some people become so fixed in their ways that they adopt the belief that all change is bad. That mindset can make it harder for others to: Work with us Communicate with us Be in relationships with us I have noticed that when I introduce changes now, I often say, “Thank you for your flexibility,” because I have come to recognize that flexibility is a skill, not something everyone has naturally. Earlier this year, when I opened Zoom, there were at least seven new features. At one point, I raised my hand in a meeting and animated rain started falling on my screen. That feature definitely was not there in December, but I could not just give up on Zoom. I figured out how to turn it off and kept it moving. All long-term relationships require adaptability, because people change. Our children change. Our partners change. Our friends change. If we lock people into who they used to be, we do not give them room to grow. It is okay if they do not like pink anymore. It is okay if they cut their hair shorter. It is okay if they switch from glasses to contacts. We do not need to keep reminding them of who they used to be. We have to let people be. Change is not always good, but treating it as though it is always bad is just as limiting. It is a natural part of life. The real work is discerning whether a change is truly harmful, or whether there is some good in it too. Creative ways to support the book or tour: write a review, share with friends in your group chats if you can’t make it to a tour stop buy a ticket for a friend in that city get a signed copy of the book from one of the bookstores i’ve partnered with on tour post a photo or a favorite quote from the book on social media and tag me request the book at your local bookstore or suggest it to your book club or workplace reading list Journal Prompt What are ways you have changed that you wanted other people to accept? How were your changes received and how did it make you feel? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week 107 Days, by Kamala Harris. I found this book to be direct and concise. It’s not often we hear the true feelings of politicians, but this book offers just that: honesty. You can find it on Amazon [ https://substack.com/redirect/63099499-3535-4018-a4c3-746142242a25?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] and Bookshop [ https://substack.com/redirect/dc234bae-de6a-4c4e-abc1-909d2342f514?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. You’re Not Lazy or Broken. You’re Numbing Out [ https://substack.com/redirect/70d58675-eb47-4d68-9864-fe546c89466d?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. by Cecily Mak in SELF. Therapy Should Be Hard. That’s Why AI Can’t Replace It [ https://substack.com/redirect/b8eb43f0-aca1-4d00-b075-c1a89cfdb512?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Dr. Jesse Finkelstein and Dr. Shireen Rizvi in Time. A Lot of Women Don’t Realize They’re Lonely. Here Are the Subtle Signs [ https://substack.com/redirect/30ca0f91-f5f3-444b-9abf-4431179a29f4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Korin Miller in SELF. The Pitt. This series is intense, but the fast pace creates a show that you can’t look away from and leaves you craving the next episode. You can watch it on HBO Max [ https://substack.com/redirect/15cbdeab-49f6-4b03-b8b2-d097e866a00e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Thanks for reading Nedra Nuggets! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. 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View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/the-tour-is-rolling-and-theres-a Hi, The first two stops of the tour were wonderful, and I had the chance to meet quite a few newsletter readers—such a beautiful surprise. If you’ve been thinking about grabbing a copy, now is a great time. Amazon is offering 50% off one book when you buy two [ https://substack.com/redirect/7e92cfb0-bd70-4fec-afcd-4275d013049e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], perfect for sharing with a friend, coworker, or loved one. Upcoming Book Tour Dates February 15 — Los Angeles [ https://substack.com/redirect/ec06eab9-0f66-4f4f-ba46-3a5ac3b60be0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 17 — Atlanta with Dr. Key Hallmon [ https://substack.com/redirect/ec06eab9-0f66-4f4f-ba46-3a5ac3b60be0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 19 — Houston, TX, with Dr. Anita Phillips [ https://substack.com/redirect/ec06eab9-0f66-4f4f-ba46-3a5ac3b60be0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 21 — Miami, FL, with Peaceful Barb [ https://substack.com/redirect/ec06eab9-0f66-4f4f-ba46-3a5ac3b60be0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 23 — Greenville, SC, with Alexis Carter Thomas [ https://substack.com/redirect/7e92cfb0-bd70-4fec-afcd-4275d013049e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 24 — FAN (Virtual Event) [ https://substack.com/redirect/7e92cfb0-bd70-4fec-afcd-4275d013049e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 26 — Charlotte, NC, with Kobe Campbell [ https://substack.com/redirect/7e92cfb0-bd70-4fec-afcd-4275d013049e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Washington, DC — March (dates coming soon) I hope to see you at a stop along the way. All the best, Nedra Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTROemcyTVRZeU9Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56Y3dPVGswTXpNMUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1ESTFNekF6TXpVc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LkllYktkaWNmQTlBeDJVcjlWYThjSFNiRGcwOGlnU0RCUmlZd3Rfa3NuOG8iLCJwIjoxODc4NjE2MjgsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzcwOTk0MzM1LCJleHAiOjIwODY1NzAzMzUsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.0uuyBEwY1Pp54V5tOcDYV6cybuLX_r5Ejkk0Vv5gLIY?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/the-lessons-we-learn-more-than-once It’s Launch Day! Please review The Balancing Act [ https://substack.com/redirect/7f349347-a8cc-474b-8dae-3f0536755eb4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]on Goodreads, Amazon, Target, and Barnes and Noble. Early reviews help a lot. Get your tickets to see me in Philly and later this week in LA. [ https://substack.com/redirect/99652816-307e-4a89-83c5-c9504166013b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Sometimes we have to learn a lesson more than once. To truly embody it, we often need to be reminded. It may be a different year with a different person, but the message is the same. These moments are reminders that we already know something and need to stand by it. We may tell ourselves: I should know better. That was supposed to be the last time. I have been here before. How am I back here? But, the truth is, needing to repeat a lesson does not necessarily mean we are hard-headed, even though that is the easiest conclusion to draw. Sometimes we try the same thing again because we hope for a different outcome, and honestly, that does work on occasion. It is not a completely hopeless strategy. Still, we have to be willing to notice when we are doing the same thing and getting the same result, and at some point, we have to pivot. Embodying a lesson is difficult because, deep down, we often just want to do what we want in a given situation. Many people assume a therapist’s job is to tell people what their problems are; but more often than not, people already know. Sometimes we are not ready for the lesson because we are not ready to accept what it actually is. We want a different lesson. We want the Hallmark movie version of the lesson. We do not want the one the universe is trying to teach us. When I enter a new relationship, I have gotten better at recognizing red flags and leaving quickly when I notice them. Where I struggle is applying that same standard to long-standing relationships, to the people who have already been grandfathered in. Letting those relationships go is slow and painful, no matter how many red flags are present. To be fair, change is hard. We have to live with the consequences of a shift, and we have to do the work that change requires. If we are not ready for that, we will continue repeating the same behaviors until we reach our enough point and are truly prepared for a different outcome. You may not know what your enough point is yet, but you will recognize it when you reach it. It will feel unmistakable. You will know, today is the day. I am over here with this open-air cup, and I think I am finally at my last straw with it. I am just about ready to go back to a secure lid where nothing can spill. I probably need about five more spills to fully commit, because I love bending over with a water bottle in my hand. I have had this bottle for almost two years, and only recently started thinking, “You do not have to live like this.” Until we are ready to do something differently, the lesson will keep showing up. Journal Prompt What is a lesson you had to repeat before you were ready to learn it? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week My Friend Is Depressed. Does That Excuse Her Flakiness? [ https://substack.com/redirect/99728988-4cba-4cb1-b4c9-de86488aacb9?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] [ https://substack.com/redirect/99728988-4cba-4cb1-b4c9-de86488aacb9?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]by Lori Gottlieb in The New York Times. How We Healed Our Friendship After 3 Years of Silence [ https://substack.com/redirect/336dbbe3-30b9-40a5-ac08-3165a0a9bfc6?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Jenna Ryu in SELF. More of Us Are Parting With Our Relatives. That’s Good. [ https://substack.com/redirect/80069e28-6480-423a-99fd-f0292ff343c0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Eamon Dolan in Psychology Today. Landman. I started two seasons in, and this show has been a great late-adoption watch. If you want a clear example of enmeshment, focus on the mother-daughter relationship, and for co-dependency, focus on the relationship between Billy Bob and his wife. The son is characterized as a black sheep, outside of the family’s dysfunctional flow, creating his own path. You can watch it on Paramount+ [ https://substack.com/redirect/932c867a-1688-4d23-bdd6-225d70536517?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTROelEyTXpZMk9Td2lhV0YwSWpveE56Y3dOekl5TWprNUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1ESXlOVGd5T1Rrc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LjBraXRWbGhUNzl6WTM3VkRWeG1tQlQxUlJHMTRFU1JGeWNGd1ZiNUNMcXciLCJwIjoxODc0NjM2NjksInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzcwNzIyMjk5LCJleHAiOjIwODYyOTgyOTksImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.V0VANzqdWu5fFFjrVLpYM_O3TK8ohF5BPGfyF290THk?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/one-day-to-go-a-sneak-peek-inside Hi there (again), There’s just one more day until The Balancing Act [ https://substack.com/redirect/a8f2e1de-bcdd-4cb0-b1cd-b6b0c1319b44?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] officially launches, and I couldn’t be more excited for the week ahead. I’ll be on more podcasts, traveling to in-person events, and celebrating this book with readers everywhere. If you haven’t grabbed your copy yet, now’s the time. I can’t wait for you to dive in and see yourself in these pages. When your book arrives, feel free to share it on social media—if that’s your thing—and don’t forget to tag me. I love seeing your posts and celebrating with you. In the meantime, enjoy this preview of chapter 6 from The Balancing Act. Warmly, Nedra The Challenges of Enmeshed Relationships From the ninth grade through their undergraduate years at college, Chrissy and Lola were inseparable. They were roommatesand spent breaks visiting each other’s families. Although they both had siblings, no other relationship felt as close as their connection. After college, however, they didn’t spend as much time together. Both were dating and working full-time in their respective fields, so their time together mainly consisted of texts and video chats. For Chrissy, this arrangement fit her needs in life. For Lola,it was hard to digest that her close friendship had shifted. Chrissy began forming other relationships with coworkers, but whenever she talked about her time with them, Lola would say,“You don’t have time to spend with me, but you have time for other people.” Chrissy wasn’t trying to hurt Lola. She simplyenjoyed learning about her career and discovering new parts of herself. Lola could never be replaced, but it was becoming clear that time apart and separate interests were problematic for Lola. In new friendships, Lola compared everyone with Chrissy. There was no shared humor, no shared history, and so much new information to remember. She knew it was reasonable for Chrissy to make new friends, but she couldn’t always make friends as easily. Lola feared they were growing apart. Instead of gracefully trying to carve out time with Chrissy, she complained but hated being needy. She wanted their friendship to be like it was before, when they did everything together, even running errands. Chrissy didn’t say she wanted to end the friendship. Yet, she pulled back, reaching out less often and spending less time with Lola. Afraid to be direct, Lola allowed this pattern to continue for three years. Getting together went from daily to every other day to a few times a month. Nothing major happened in the relationship, but as time passed, the distance grew bigger and bigger. The two had always talked about being maid of honor at each other’s wedding. But when Chrissy told Lola she was engaged, she also told her she was choosing another friend to be her maid of honor. She still wanted Lola at the wedding, but Lola was crushed and considered ending the friendship. Lola was at an impasse. She could either accept her new role as a friend, but not the best friend, or she could walk away. What Happens When You No Longer Want the Same Thing When there are no boundaries and a lack of autonomy in a relationship, enmeshment is the inevitable result. These relationships work as long as the people in them commit to remaining in lockstep. The relationship structure is fractured once aperson desires autonomy or shows independent thoughts. Enmeshment isn’t necessarily unhealthy or damaging as long as it’s agreed upon. Many adolescent friendships are enmeshed because young people often invest so much time and energy into their connections. However, as people move through life, the time and attention they once gave a teenage friendship usually diminishes. For Chrissy and Lola, what was normal for them in their late teens and early adulthood was no longer viable as they entered full-blown adulthood. When we don’t want the same closeness anymore, but we lack boundaries in a relationship, the enmeshment that was once mutual becomes problematic. At the beginning of relationships, we may experience a temporary state of enmeshment. In most cases, the shift back to spending more time apart is mutual. Romantic partnerships are often very enmeshed in the beginning, as people enter a cocoon-like silo with their new love. But after a few weeks or months, most people naturally return more to themselves. The relationship may continue, but with less enmeshment and more individual autonomy. This becomes a problem when one person returns to themselves and the other person remains enmeshed. Relationships usually become strained or end when we can’t agree on the level of enmeshment and autonomy we want. Signs of Enmeshment in a Relationship • No presence of boundaries • Joined emotions • Blended ideas • Little time apart • Excessive involvement in decision-making • No sense of self separate from the other person From the moment Monica and Carson met, they were inseparable. Monica’s friends began to feel the impact of her relationship, complaining about not seeing her anymore. Eventually, they stopped trying, unable to compete with the intensity ofMonica and Carson’s bond. Carson was now the focus of Monica’s world, and her friends and family saw less and less of her. This impact on her social connections is a sign of an enmeshed bond. In healthy relationships, you can maintain connections withothers without losing your own identity. As we form our identity from early adolescence to adulthood, it is typical to seek confirmation from others about who we are. Like Chrissy discovered, when we expand our sense of self, we might desire more space to explore other parts of ourselves autonomously or with new people. To remain true to ourselves, we might have to disrupt patterns that no longer support what weneed. Chrissy explored while Lola waited for their friendship to return to what it was. If their relationship was to survive, theyneeded new ways to connect with each other. How to Communicate That You Want Time Apart (Verbally and Behaviorally) It’s never fun to bring up sensitive subjects with people we care about. We might hope they figure it out without a direct conversation. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way, and uncomfortable discussions must happen. When you want some time apart, you might say something like this: “We have spent so much time together, and I’ve appreciated it. You will see me spending more time with new people. It’snot about you; it’s just what I need right now.” “Meeting you has been amazing, and I’m ready to get back to myself. That might look like me going back to my weekly Pilates class instead of us hanging out on Thursdays.” “I’m sure you’ve noticed a shift in our time together. Our relationship is important to me, and I also want to discover new things about myself.” Whatever words you use to describe your desire for less connection, affirm that you are still interested in the relationship ifthat’s what you desire. If you don’t want to remain in the relationship, don’t affirm the relationship, of course. Doing so will givea false sense of hope, and the person will not understand that you’re trying to back away from them entirely. When you want some time apart, your actions may look like this: • Being less available to connect in person and by phone • Making plans with others • Having shorter interactions (instead of thirty-minute chats, you have fifteen-minute chats) • Exploring new ideas • Defending your new point of view Some of us may feel uncomfortable about being verbally direct and more comfortable taking actions that convey we want more time apart. Even when we are verbally direct, we sometimes must take action for the other person to adjust. Some people will need help understanding how the changes will work. Should you tell people that you want to pull back? If you think you’re safe enough to disclose it to the other person, it’s probablya good idea. However, if you’ve tried to have less contact but your friend became demanding, it could be a sign that telling them would end the relationship. Here are some instances when you might need to speak up: • You ate lunch daily with your coworker, and they expect that will continue even though you’re moving to a new department. You will likely need to say, “I’m adjusting to a new job, and my lunch break is no longer the same.” • Your sister moves into your neighborhood and expects that the physical closeness means that she can drop by anytime, that you’ll run errands for her, and that she can spend the weekends with you. So you will likely need to say, “I’m excited that you’re living closer. I look forward to seeing you more often, but sometimes, I want space. Let’s talkabout what that might look like for us.” Once a rhythm, not always a rhythm. It makes sense to renegotiate the structure of your relationships over time. If, at some point, you find yourself wanting more connection, you can see if the other person is open to it. End of Chapter 6 preview Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTROek0wTXpFMk5Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56Y3dOamN3TWpFeUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1ESXlNRFl5TVRJc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LjVEcTZzQ2E0eFo4SzhNUURkN3dJUm04ZDNTMjJHZzJkbDFTMEZ3MnZlem8iLCJwIjoxODczNDMxNjQsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzcwNjcwMjEyLCJleHAiOjIwODYyNDYyMTIsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.tyS0bpIgPTOjaFX01ypQT4QJNIkRnuN8fjyHfDCys5I?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/you-dont-have-to-choose-between-independence Hi there, It’s Launch Week, and I’m excited for you to meet my new book, The Balancing Act. This book is all about finding healthier ways to show up in our relationships while creating space for both connection and independence. If you haven’t done so yet, take The Balancing Act Quiz [ https://substack.com/redirect/c59f44ac-7ef6-4a65-b3be-0abd967f69d3?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]! To celebrate, I’ll be heading out on my upcoming book tour. Here’s a list of dates—please note that the New York event is SOLD OUT. Book Tour Dates February 10 — New York City with Dr. Becky February 12 — Philadelphia, with Amanda White [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 15 — Los Angeles [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 17 — Atlanta with Dr. Key Hallmon [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 19 — Houston, TX, with Dr. Anita Phillips [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 21 — Miami, FL, with Peaceful Barb [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 23 — Greenville, SC with Alexis Carter Thomas [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 24 — FAN (Virtual Event) [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] February 26 — Charlotte, NC, with Kobe Campbell [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bfa554a-4004-419b-9a08-826a653e3799?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Washington, DC — March, Dates coming soon If you’re curious, check out the special preview chapter below to get a feel for what’s inside. Thank you for being part of this journey! I can’t wait to share this book with you! P.S. If you can’t make the tour dates and would like a signed copy of the book, you can get signed copies [ https://substack.com/redirect/630034fa-da31-4de8-a05e-55646c16fb74?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] here. P.S.S. Stay tuned! Since it’s launch week, you might hear from me a bit more, and you’ll still receive a fresh newsletter this week. Warmly, Nedra Chapter 7 The Hyper-Independent Person and Relationships Xavier traveled three to four days per week for work, which he believed made it hard for him to maintain relationships with others. His job brought out his best qualities: hard work and focus. When he wasn’t working, he was thinking about working. When he was on vacation from work, he brought his laptop to the beach. As a leader of a global team, he thrived on being needed at all timesand wanted to be available. He encouraged his team to have clear boundaries between work and home, but since he didn’t have much of a personal life anyway, he excused his own poor boundaries. Xavier wasn’t close to his parents, siblings, nieces, or nephews. He enjoyed solo vacations and spent only a day or two with family during holidays. At the last family gathering over Labor Day weekend, Xavier felt lonely. Seeing his slightly older brother with a partner, his oldest brother married with three kids, and his younger sister married with two, he wondered why he hadn’t focused more on building a family. When people there spoke about themselves, their lives sounded full of social gatherings, friends, and hobbies. Xavier dated, but never the same person long enough to bring them around the family. His love interests said he seemed guarded, too busy, and preoccupied with work. Friends had tried to keep in contact with him, but when his job became more demanding, promotion after promotion, he pursued his career and neglected these relationships. He didn’t honor his promises to call people back. He declined invites, saying he was too busy or tired. After a while, people gave up and stopped inviting him, and for years, he didn’t notice. Suddenly, nearing his forty- fi#h birthday, he wanted connection, and it hit him hard. He realized how much time he’d spent focused on his career versus focused on his personal life. Xavier began therapy to discuss his growing feelings of loneliness. He wanted to have deeper relationships with his family and friends with whom he’d lost touch, and most importantly, he wanted to start seriously dating. As we dug deeper into his upbringing, we discovered a pattern. From being class president in high school, to working afterschool, to being at the top of his business class in college, Xavier was intimately familiar with busyness. While life was less demanding in his twenties, he managed to have a social life. In his thirties, he started excelling in his career and couldn’t keep up with a social life combined with work. He chose work. Once he was earning more and at the height of his career, he missed the parts of life he hadn’t pursued, such as relationships. In his family, Xavier felt like the odd one. His interests were dissimilar to everyone else’s. Although he had needs and was the youngest, his sister commanded attention. He couldn’t compete with her. Instead, he found satisfaction in being good at things and kept busy to fill the void from the lack of attention he received from his parents. He desired connection but didn’t know how to create it or maintain it. When Victor was growing up, whenever he’d ask his parents for help, they’d say, “Ask your brothers.” His oldest brother, Donald, was short on patience and seemed irritated whenever he was called for help. Xavier knew this wasn’t Donald’s fault, but it made Xavier feel so uncomfortable that he tried to avoid needing anything, including attention, from others. As a result of this, he learned to push people away. When Xavier was ready to have people in his life, he struggled with the discomfort of vulnerability and rejection. Needing Others Is Healthy We move from complete dependence—needing someone to help with everything when we’re infants—to some dependence, to needing emotional support from others in adulthood. Somewhere between infancy and adulthood, we unconsciously learn and implement how we want to need others and if we want to express our needs. What we implement may or may not be healthy. For example, we have needs even when we aren’t aware of them and don’t express them. Unnamed needs are ones that have not been honored. Xavier tried to diminish his needs after receiving the message that they were inconvenient for others, particularly his brother. But siblings are not caregivers. Despite being old enough to babysit, they may not be emotionally equipped to handle the needs of their younger siblings. Reasons You May Struggle to Ask for Help • You don’t want to seem needy. • Needing help was thrown in your face. • You were praised for figuring it out on your own. • Resources were limited, and you had to figure things out yourself. • You don’t want people to see you fail. • You think people will say no or decline (possible rejection). • You worry your expectations won’t be met. • It feels too vulnerable. • You’re unable to fulfill a similar request for the other person. • You aren’t clear about your needs. You Don’t Want to Seem Needy In Gwendolyn Brooks’ poem “We Real Cool,” she examines the notion that being a cool kid entails exhibiting behaviors that are self-harmful or off-putting to others. This reminds me of some students in my elementary and middle school classes who were too cool for school. This meant they were more concerned with how they appeared to others than with embracing academics. Being smart, a nerd, per se, was much worse than the potential fate that came from being unemployable and hard to get along with. Rather than ask questions, they’d go on without understanding. Rather than request a tutor, they’d fail the exam. Somewhere in them, there was a need to know without knowing. This wasn’t their fault. Someone made them feel that being needy was a bad thing. Something said too loudly or too often: “Figure it out.” There weren’t enough people saying, “I have time to teach you” or “Let’s learn together.” We are all needy, and we should be. Those who deny this about themselves are needy and often experience loneliness since they fear revealing their needs to others. When someone says you are too needy, they likely can’t honor your needs. It isn’t you; it’s them. Turning it on you absolves them of nurturing your needs. Needing Help Was Thrown in Your Face If we believe people are supposed to need help, we will be less likely to throw a request for help in their faces. As college students attending a commuter school in Detroit, Michigan, my peers and I were often reprimanded for needing help. On one occasion, I recall seeking government assistance to help cover my food costs. I was told, “If you leave college and get a job, you’ll be able to pay for food.” College was my path to getting a better job and eventually being able to support myself. In the meantime, I needed support while trying to improve my life. Although I was upset when told to leave school, I processed the social service worker’s words and decided they weren’t meant for me. Seeking help coupled with shaming deters some people from seeking it again. Helping without shaming is imperative if we support the idea that all people need help. The result of not having people to help you is doing things on your own. After you struggle to teach yourself what you need to know, perhaps someone praises you for doing all the work independently. This, in turn, teaches you that doing things on your own is something to strive for and is worthy of praise. On the HGTV show Help! I Wrecked My House, homeowners take on major home renovations on their own and call in the HGTV host/team/contractors after the projects go unfinished or create more damage than at the start. Hiring a professional contractor and watching a home improvement show or YouTube videos will yield different results. Of course, there are people inherently talented at home improvement projects, but most of us are not. Sometimes, it’s best to hire a professional, and certainly, once you realize you’ve gotten in over your head, call for help. Some things can be do-it-yourself, and some cannot. Doing everything or most things on your own is unhealthy. Resources Were Limited, and You Had to Figure Things Out Yourself Finding help for certain things might be impossible when your resources are limited. At one time in life, resourcefulness may have been a helpful skill. Later, when you are more stable, it’s imperative to wonder if you’re doing things yourself out of habit rather than necessity. In season four of the 1990s TV show Living Single, three roommates—Synclaire, Khadijah, and Regine—notice that when their careers take off, no one has time to clean the house. Even with a chore schedule in place, none of them can reasonably keep up with their assigned tasks. So the roommates decide to get a housekeeper. As they attempt to get comfortable with the idea of having household help, Synclaire starts cleaning behind the housekeeper’s back to show that she can manage the task and do it better. Sometimes, the biggest hurdle to accepting help is the belief that we should be able to keep up with an inhuman number of tasks. When you have the means to afford more help, however, consider that paying for assistance is a way to support someone else’s household. Synclaire ended up apologizing to the housekeeper, affirming his ability to care for their home, and encouraging him to continue his job as their housekeeper. You Don’t Want People to See You Fail Accepting help can feel like failure when you believe you can and must do everything yourself. We wonder why some celebrities can seemingly do many things at once. Their secret is assistance from others. There are other people behind the scenes helping them manage their lives. Beyoncé can change costumes quickly during a brief pause in a show because she has people helping her and touching up her makeup. Most of us don’t have a team to help us. However, family and friends may be available to fill in some gaps. Allowing others to help is not failure. If celebrities didn’t use a team, people would be standing by with no work to do. That’s precisely how some of your friends and family might feel. They are there but haven’t been assigned a task. You Think People Will Say No or Decline (Possible Rejection) People have a right to say no. So having multiple people to depend on can increase your chances of finding someone to say yes. It’s important to learn how to deal with hearing no, however, and to not take it personally. If you avoid ever being told no, you won’t improve your ability to face rejection. It’s hard to know when someone can meet your needs. Even when they have a caretaking role in your life, such as a parent, their help may not always be available. One rejection can lead you to believe your needs are a problem for everyone, but this isn’t true. A rejection from one person or a few people is not a rejection from all. You Worry Your Expectations Won’t Be Met If you evaluate your expectations, you can determine if they are truly reasonable. Remember, however, not to measure others against what you are capable of doing yourself. Everyone’s capabilities are different, both physically and emotionally. Instead, evaluate your expectations based on who the other person is and what they’ve been capable of doing in the past. Here are some ways to evaluate your expectations: • Has the person demonstrated the ability to meet this expectation with others? • What evidence do I have to support their ability to meet my expectations? • Have they verbalized or demonstrated an inability to follow through with my expectations? Sometimes, the expectation itself is not unreasonable, but the person you’re asking to meet that need simply can’t do it. 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View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/reclaiming-reality We are one week away from the launch of The Balancing Act [ https://substack.com/redirect/1df2d6af-ce92-4d8b-a6f0-4e0618406502?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Preorder your copy now. With all the information people have access to today, gaslighting is somehow still going on. At the same time, our ability to catch dishonesty is also increasing. Text messages, emails, and recordings make it less likely that we second-guess ourselves when gaslighting occurs, because we often have proof of what actually happened. Gaslighting is a process through which someone tries to manipulate us into believing a different version of reality. That said, not every mistake or disagreement qualifies as gaslighting. For example, if someone says, “I talked to you on the 22nd,” and we respond that it was actually the 26th, and they genuinely believe it was the 22nd, that alone is not gaslighting. Memory errors happen. However, if they insist it was the 22nd, attempt to change your mind, and continue to claim you are wrong even when presented with proof, that crosses the line. At that point, they are attempting to rewrite reality. Gaslighting is not: Being dishonest occasionally Misremembering how something happened Embellishing a story for effect Gaslighting involves an attempt to change how we understand events or perceive ourselves, often with malicious intent. People who gaslight tend to have a pattern of doing so, not just with one person, but with many. One sign we may be dealing with a gaslighter is the urge to seek validation from others. We check in with friends, therapists, or family members to confirm that what we remember is real. Some examples of gaslighting include when a person: Changes their story when confronted Claims you said or did something you did not Alters the context of an interaction to suit their narrative Denies behaviors they regularly engage in Invents or reshapes rules to benefit themselves A woman once shared a story with me about being honest as a child and then being punished for it. She told the truth in front of others, went home, and received a whooping. She was deeply confused, because she had always been told to be honest. What actually happened was gaslighting. She was punished for doing what she had been instructed to do and then made to believe she had done something wrong. I realized some time ago that there comes a point in certain relationships when I need to step back. For me, that point arrives when I feel like I need to: Have a third party present Record conversations Communicate only through text Seek confirmation of my version of events from others When I reach this stage, I am no longer having conversations freely. I am gathering evidence. I am bracing myself for distortion, because the constant flipping of facts is destabilizing. At that point, the relationship is no longer safe. We have to recognize when we are in these situations and remove ourselves from them. There is no reasoning with a gaslighter. No amount of proof will make them stop trying to rewrite reality. We have to trust our own understanding of what happened and accept that we may never get resolution from that person. To reclaim our peace, we have to believe our own story. Journal Prompt What is a truth you’ve learned to trust despite someone’s efforts to gaslight you? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week How to Break Up with Your Therapist [ https://substack.com/redirect/5f1db791-6fd4-432b-95d4-e405b39eb54a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Malia Wollan in The New York Times. Love Is Not a Luxury [ https://open.substack.com/pub/myleik/p/love-is-not-a-luxury?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web ], by Myleik on the MYLEIK Substack. The Past Explains You, But It Doesn’t Define You [ https://open.substack.com/pub/drsamanthaboardman/p/the-past-explains-you-but-it-doesnt?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web ], by Dr. Samantha Boardman on The Dose Substack. 6 Compliments That Land Every Time [ https://substack.com/redirect/6296f9aa-26f7-4e0f-a77b-cd505ae5d3a3?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Angela Haupt in TIME. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTROalkzTmpnME15d2lhV0YwSWpveE56Y3dNVEUzTkRJMUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1ERTJOVE0wTWpVc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5Lk1oV1BKWmhTX042aVlpcUVOVndfWm9Bbm41YWpuZ3hmQXg5amdRRFhBamciLCJwIjoxODY2NzY4NDMsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzcwMTE3NDI1LCJleHAiOjIwODU2OTM0MjUsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.6EKfB26FxbjAQljx2OF3BbSOFAO64zEF_L2QyTJqrf8?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/breaking-the-cycle-without-breaking I am notorious for being a person with multiple jobs. I worked through high school and college. When I got out of college, I had a part-time job and a full-time job. When I was in graduate school, I had a job and an internship. It was complete insanity. I was so focused on getting to the next thing that I didn’t realize I was in the next thing. The cycle breaker in me kept saying: I’ve got to get out of this low-income situation. I have to graduate from college. I have to get a job. I have to break the cycle of substance abuse. It was a to-do list that went on forever. My biggest work has been sitting down and allowing myself to bask in the fact that I broke the cycle. We have to recognize when we have broken a cycle, and allow ourselves a little rest. We get so focused on the achievement that we are constantly raising the bar and never end up getting there. There is a fine line between being an achiever and being an overachiever. There has to be a point where we get to a place and think, “This is it. This is what I wanted.” There has to come a time when we can celebrate the space we’re in. For me that looks like being a little more selective of the types of activities I participate in. I still work multiple jobs. I’m still a therapist. I write books. I do speaking engagements. But I don’t put in the same number of hours I used to. In our attempts to be overcomers, we have to make sure we don’t get fixated on becoming and end up not being present in the process. We also need to set markers for ourselves. We need to identify the milestones or steps we’re trying to get to. If we don’t identify what “this is it” looks like for us, we’ll never get there. That’s not to say that getting there means we have to stop achieving, but we have to get to a place where we can slow down. I still want to be successful, but I can allow myself a slower morning. We can still want to achieve, while also incorporating other things into our lives that honor the fullness of our humanity. The pace we were keeping may have been required at some point. The things we didn’t do, the things we chose to do, the nights we didn’t go out with friends—all of that may have been necessary at some point, but maybe not anymore. Book Tour Dates 📍 SOLD OUT — February 10 | New York City with Dr. Becky 📍 February 12 | Philadelphia with Amanda White [ https://substack.com/redirect/6bc75d6e-1eef-4601-972c-4bcab8e05499?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 15 | Los Angeles [ https://substack.com/redirect/7245b45e-9344-4d30-901c-24e6c590ce3c?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 17 | Atlanta with Dr. Key Hallmon [ https://substack.com/redirect/a7b364fe-f67f-4def-b30e-3e81796857dc?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 19 | Houston, TX with Dr. Anita Phillips [ https://substack.com/redirect/976268a8-c856-4321-8b76-fdf26964f711?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 21 | Miami, FL with Peaceful Barb [ https://substack.com/redirect/05260597-9555-428c-b076-8b4e8ed5f0e2?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 23 | Greenville, SC [ https://substack.com/redirect/0759c949-734d-4011-9617-c03932771597?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 24 | Virtual Event (FAN) with Natalie Moore More details coming soon ✨ 📍 February 26 | Charlotte, NC with Kobe Campbell [ https://substack.com/redirect/78ef2b35-e668-4eeb-9d77-a8b1a5c6c7e4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 March | Washington, DC Dates coming soon ✨ Journal Prompts What cycles have you broken? What have you achieved that deserves celebration? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week Life Can Feel Scary. What a Fear Expert Recommends You Do to Face It [ https://substack.com/redirect/aa42c93d-d786-4f68-bdbe-42b8e028351b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. by Teddy Amenabar in, The Washington Post. The Past Explains You, But It Doesn’t Define You [ https://substack.com/redirect/8ff807c3-530c-4d36-b5a3-dbb67d46920e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Dr. Samantha Boardman on The Dose Substack. My Ex-Friend Keeps Bad-Mouthing Me. What Do I Do? [ https://substack.com/redirect/af25dbc7-2297-44eb-abea-d4373d5a7d00?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, in SELF. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTRNelU1T1RZeE5Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56WTVOVEV5TmpZNExDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1ERXdORGcyTmpnc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LmtBOXJocGN2RGFQWlc1aTB3bGpYc3JsSG01LTlTYV9Odm00NjJOb3kzbWciLCJwIjoxODM1OTk2MTQsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzY5NTEyNjY4LCJleHAiOjIwODUwODg2NjgsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.hjiFRJUgZuvS5IjsUFKeyZ21fmhdV3Atj2wuH5fXOg4?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/permission-to-be-imperfect Preorder The Balancing Act and gain access to a Masterclass with me! [ https://substack.com/redirect/ccb2dd4a-0254-48cd-97f1-64da97f6d376?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] [ https://substack.com/redirect/ccb2dd4a-0254-48cd-97f1-64da97f6d376?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Recently I took a class with a calligraphy artist because I want to improve my signature and be faster at signing books. When I did my book tour for Drama Free [ https://substack.com/redirect/51019cd3-68f2-4c81-8ff3-01ba0498a2f4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], I developed carpal tunnel from signing so many books. I just hopped right into it. I didn’t do any hand warm-ups, or anything. What I’ve learned from this class is that there is a process to writing that can make things easier on your joints and muscles. My new signature is beautiful, but I suck at writing it because I need to practice. When I think about what it could look like and what it looked like on the first day of practice, sometimes I wonder how I will get there, but I know that if I keep practicing I will. Thanks for reading Nedra Nuggets! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. Something about being an adult makes it really hard for us to be bad at something. We have beginner’s anxiety and want to be immediately good at things. It’s really important that as we try new things as adults, we: Give ourselves grace. We’re not going to be perfect on Day 1. We may not even be great by Day 30, and that’s ok. Note our progress. We can keep track of where we started and where we are now. That’s such a useful tool. Be patient with ourselves. We have to practice patience. Part of that is accepting that we won’t be good at everything right away, and when we are that’s a gift. Practice. Even experts practice. LeBron James still practices basketball. He’s very good, better than most, but he also puts in the work. It’s ongoing. Doing things we’re not good at takes us out of our comfort zone. Some of us don’t want to try anything new. We don’t want to watch anything new. We don’t want to listen to anything new. We don’t want to do anything we haven’t done before. We want to do only the things that we’re good at and accustomed to, which makes us stale. It also isn’t great for our community when we aren’t willing to try new things and have new experiences. When we do this, we’re also giving up on ourselves. We’re saying that we don’t believe that there’s any chance we could ever develop the ability to figure this thing out. We don’t need to hang on to “I can’t,” “I shouldn’t,” “I’m not good at…” There is no utility in holding on to that. We have to be willing to be bad at things in the beginning. Whatever our new thing is, we may not be good at it right now, but if we are open to it, it’s something we can develop. Journal Prompt What is something new that you’re willing to try? What has held you back from trying up until now? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week You’re Bored Because You’re Boring (And That’s Fixable) [ https://substack.com/redirect/0f75fe6f-d417-43b0-bc8a-27bd10c641cd?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Myleik on her Substack. This article is excellent. It dives into the fact that people are often boring because they’re unwilling to try new things or be around new people. 2 Things You Can Do to Make Experiences Less Painful, According to Experts [ https://substack.com/redirect/c481a532-705c-447b-a27d-c78de4119ba6?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Richard Sima in The Washington Post. 3 Reasons to Start Embracing Silence in Your Relationship [ https://substack.com/redirect/bbc22b04-a112-4725-9bf7-888b46cbf119?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], Mark Travers, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. Thanks for reading Nedra Nuggets! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTRNelU1T1RBMU9Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56WTRPVEEzT0RNd0xDSmxlSEFpT2pFNE1EQTBORE00TXpBc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LmJGT0NqS3ZteG1BSm5kQ2hEMFhDbno5NG5fdFhvSWVjbEpPRXZpa1kzWkkiLCJwIjoxODM1OTkwNTgsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzY4OTA3ODMwLCJleHAiOjIwODQ0ODM4MzAsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.d4fcbI4kL3oc3nxCkGvzkopW_JNSKgbI9szO4P7qwgo?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/its-not-the-relationship-its-the There are times when burnout shows up as wanting to quit. When we apply that to our relationships, we tell ourselves that if we just quit the relationship our lives will drastically improve. Sometimes, though, what we actually need to do is: Improve the way we show up in our relationships Evaluate our giving capacity Be honest about our ability to receive Be clear about our expectations, with ourselves and with the people we’re in relationships with In family relationships, we often neglect to set expectations. We’re just in the family. As we mature, we may want to set some expectations because now we know ourselves better. We know what we need, and we know what we can and cannot tolerate. Instead of getting burnt out from this person, this is an opportunity for us to have a conversation. If we have already tried that, then we can consider how we can step back without stepping away. Stepping back from a relationship can look like communicating less. We can go from talking every day to talking every other day and see how that feels. It’s almost like an elimination diet. If every other day still feels like a lot, we can pivot to every three days or once a week. We have to find our sweet spot with people; sometimes we think that because we’re in a certain rhythm that means we have to stay there, but we don’t. We can back away without breaking up. Maybe we love talking to our grandma, but sometimes she goes down a dark path. So it’s for the best that we don’t talk with her before work, even though that’s when Gladys likes to talk. We have to figure out what rhythm keeps us from feeling worn out. We don’t want to dread our grandma’s calls. This can take some maneuvering to figure out in any relationship. Sometimes our relationships with people end because we are just beyond our capacity. They’re out of tokens; they have no lives left with us. Sometimes that happens before we’ve even had a conversation or before we’ve set any boundaries. They’re out of tokens, and we haven’t even tried to use any strategies to reduce the strain. It’s the small things in relationships that accumulate to become big things. I don’t know if folks remember the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff [ https://substack.com/redirect/ef73c963-f057-4e45-80d5-b353341bbcf6?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]” books, but while that’s a really great concept, we all sweat the small stuff. The small stuff is what tears us apart. The buildup becomes so big that we don’t know how to get ourselves out of it. I was going through some Christmas lights last month. I don’t know who put them away—it was probably me—but they were really tangled. I was so tired of trying to unknot them that I just threw them all away and ordered new lights. I felt like there was no hope. In the back of my head, I knew my husband is great at untangling things, but I was so caught up and depleted, I just couldn’t deal with them anymore. That’s what happens sometimes with our relationships. We just throw them away rather than finding a way to maneuver [ https://substack.com/redirect/53d924f6-9afa-4329-9397-b459d41dbd33?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] through the burnout. Here’s the thing about burnout. When we leave something, we can’t go back to it and repeat the behaviors that led us to be worn out in the first place. We have to change something about the conditions. There needs to be something different about us or the situation. When we don’t work on acquiring new relationship skills, we end up facing the same test in another relationship. Something about us needs to shift. Journal Prompts What are signs that you are headed for relationship burnout? What strategies do you use to manage relationship burnout? A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week I Hate My Boyfriend’s Therapist, But He Won’t Stop Seeing Him [ https://substack.com/redirect/82aea7dd-5674-4295-9ba0-28bdfcbe4abc?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Joshua Coleman, in The Washington Post. Relationships Aren’t Fair [ https://substack.com/redirect/33a414b6-7b50-4e36-9c6e-78e984581cfc?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Phil Stark LMFT, in Psychology Today. What’s Your Advice for Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships? [ https://substack.com/redirect/f6e206d9-e307-4189-84cf-a25033b58a98?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Shannon Doyne, in The New York Times. 6 Tricks for Introverts Who Want to Be More Social [ https://substack.com/redirect/a6f9b80f-2364-4614-b54e-210593e8965e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ], by Jenna Ryu, in SELF. aNedra Glover Tawwab on Setting Boundaries and Finding Balance in Relationships, on The Connection. You can listen to this on WHYY [ https://substack.com/redirect/26c537b2-5f88-41c1-871a-5eb38107cf3b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTRNelU1T0RRMU15d2lhV0YwSWpveE56WTRNekF6TURReUxDSmxlSEFpT2pFM09UazRNemt3TkRJc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5Ll84YU5tLWpKV21CMVhCT1FoSTFjTk5reGFDMmxYb1FSbF9FNVlwT2VfUGsiLCJwIjoxODM1OTg0NTMsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzY4MzAzMDQyLCJleHAiOjIwODM4NzkwNDIsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.Ots6nsYGAAg7zERQ80VvE_N02tqdATRNDhjqzE6FxtI?

View this post on the web at https://nedratawwab.substack.com/p/no-reinvention-required Before we dive into this week’s newsletter, I’m excited to share my book tour schedule. Tickets are available now, before the announcement opens to the public. Book Tour Dates 📍 February 10 — New York City With Dr. Becky 🎟️ Get Tickets [ https://substack.com/redirect/1c97ff07-911f-4600-b725-6fa2c743c721?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 12 — Philadelphia With Amanda White 🎟️ Get Tickets [ https://substack.com/redirect/f50a12b8-e29f-4519-8fae-c3120a950cab?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 15 — Los Angeles 🎟️ Get Tickets [ https://substack.com/redirect/664c1568-0319-4dc5-a363-5417f6c5c8b5?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 17 — Atlanta With Dr. Key Hallmon 🎟️ Get Tickets [ https://substack.com/redirect/8deab74d-7406-4702-bfce-0d8d65fb24f1?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 19 — Houston, TX With Dr. Anita Phillips 🎟️ Get Tickets [ https://substack.com/redirect/0b5f45fd-86f9-44d5-aac2-e13d4ffe993e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 21 — Miami, FL With Peaceful Barb 🎟️ Get Tickets [ https://substack.com/redirect/55c46f93-d86b-4c50-b005-fc6a88723a96?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 February 23 — Greenville, SC More details coming soon ✨ 📍 February 24 — FAN (virtual event) More details coming soon ✨ 📍 February 26 — Charlotte, NC With Kobe Campbell 🎟️ Get Tickets [ https://substack.com/redirect/a53e1bab-d6a4-4353-8410-ac50e5c77d3b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] 📍 Washington, DC — March Dates coming soon ✨ At the top of the year I like to write a reflection on the previous year. I don’t focus on what didn’t happen or could have happened because it’s a new year, and with that comes the opportunity to do better. So, in my reflection, I focus on: Things I tried that were amazing New friends I made or relationships I maintained Fun experiences TV shows that I found to be superb Books I read that were really good for me Another thing I do at the top of the year is review my finances. I go through all my subscriptions to see what I’m paying for, what I’m actually using, and what is clearly a waste of money. I have a running list of my monthly bills. So, I go through that list for my personal life and business and ask myself what is working and what might need to be replaced or removed. Even if you don’t do this at the start of the new year, it’s good to have a consistent time of year when this happens. Here are a few reminders as you plan 2026: Think small Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Very often people try to have these Jenny Jones makeovers [ https://substack.com/redirect/c21a8937-2486-4e58-89e4-e0b681541584?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] in January, but those are ambitious. For those who don’t know, Jenny Jones was a talk show host, and when she did a makeover on a guest, it was a really big deal. It was my favorite type of episode to watch. In any case, some of us want to embark on this huge evolution of who we are, when maybe a small step in the right direction would be enough. We can just commit to stopping our workday at 5:30 p.m. every day, rather than stopping our workday at 5:30 p.m., going on vacation, losing 20 lbs, and getting our nails and hair done once a month. That is so many things to do, and very often when we are focused on a bunch of things at once, we can’t really focus on any of them and do them justice. Expand on what’s already working Maybe you don’t need to do something new. Maybe you need to do more of what you’re already doing. Often we’re trying to look for a replacement or an upgrade when what we have works just fine. We don’t actually need a new TV, or car, or any of those things. There’s nothing wrong with the ones we have. It’s important that we consider what resources are already available to us and how to better leverage them. Apply what you already know As the author of seven books, I am telling you, you’ve already read the book, now just go do the thing. Please read all my books [ https://substack.com/redirect/05cfe1b0-a857-4161-8890-e386c3fc8d00?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] AND use the techniques you’re already aware of. Sometimes we’re looking for a book to teach us something when in fact we already know that we overcommit, but we want someone to tell us in writing. Make it your mission to use what you’ve learned from the books you’ve already read. Take one thing and do it. Many of us use the new year as an opportunity for self-improvement, which is great, but we shouldn’t feel like we have to. We can use this time however we want. Maybe we treat it like it’s just another day. The calendar changes from December 31st to January 1st, and that’s it. On the other hand, the new year could mean a lot to you, and you could make a big deal of it. There’s more than one way to handle this time of year, and the best way is the one that works for you. Journal Prompts This time last year, what were you hoping would be different about the year ahead? Is there a goal you already have that you would like to expand on or continue pursuing? What’s not broken and doesn’t need fixing? What’s going well? A Few Offerings That May Be Especially Helpful Right Now 30 Days to Better Boundaries. [ https://substack.com/redirect/61d97ce3-6fc8-474b-a3aa-491a6c2fcb99?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] Start today with brief daily insights—each ending with a gentle nudge to help you apply what you’ve learned. Reach Your Goals: 7 Personal Development Exercises to Build a Life You Love [ https://substack.com/redirect/82620e4c-09f3-4c54-8372-cddb247187fa?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. I taught this class on Skillshare about how to set goals, which can help you as you prepare for the new year. Intentions Worksheet [ https://substack.com/redirect/414147cb-02b4-43ae-9711-2fc15e759287?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]. This worksheet on my website can help you reset your mind and figure out where you want to focus your attention. Here are my top 5 books of 2025—in no particular order. The In-Between [ https://substack.com/redirect/6ebd87c5-48cb-4f99-8359-b7109e680752?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Hadley Vlahos An enlightening, reflective read that made me pause and reconsider what truly matters at the end of life. Hour of the Heart [ https://substack.com/redirect/dd06adf0-6a33-4839-9694-51a669f38c6a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Irvin D. Yalom A thoughtful exploration of the power and effectiveness of brief therapy, told through deeply human clinical stories. The Vanishing Half [ https://substack.com/redirect/2f493b4d-cd0e-4c26-8a69-ac07bb8e2120?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] [ https://substack.com/redirect/2f493b4d-cd0e-4c26-8a69-ac07bb8e2120?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]by Brit Bennett A compelling story about leaving home, reinvention, and the cost of creating a new life as if the past didn’t exist. Buckeye [ https://substack.com/redirect/7e4610fc-52da-480a-8caf-24b98fc02084?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] [ https://substack.com/redirect/7e4610fc-52da-480a-8caf-24b98fc02084?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ]by Patrick Ryan Rich character depictions set during a time when anything outside the status quo was socially unacceptable, a powerful read for understanding and accepting difference. The River Is Waiting [ https://substack.com/redirect/246d3ce6-46b5-4bfe-9ca1-13c3dec1e8ab?j=eyJ1IjoiNzF4cDQwIn0.VLQsNiiAawz-DS2VtWTrcrG2IFeLIxnWNFcK9akSjpY ] by Wally Lamb Heartbreaking and heavy, yet an honest reminder that sometimes things don’t get better and that truth, too, matters. Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9uZWRyYXRhd3dhYi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20vYWN0aW9uL2Rpc2FibGVfZW1haWw_dG9rZW49ZXlKMWMyVnlYMmxrSWpvME1qWTFNVFV3TkRBc0luQnZjM1JmYVdRaU9qRTRNelV3TVRVMU9Dd2lhV0YwSWpveE56WTNOams0TWpRMkxDSmxlSEFpT2pFM09Ua3lNelF5TkRZc0ltbHpjeUk2SW5CMVlpMHhNVFk0T0RreUlpd2ljM1ZpSWpvaVpHbHpZV0pzWlY5bGJXRnBiQ0o5LmVma3FzN21VNDNfMkt3V3g0SHpWUjN5LWJ1bklWTWEyMzlmOTJ5OGN1TW8iLCJwIjoxODM1MDE1NTgsInMiOjExNjg4OTIsImYiOnRydWUsInUiOjQyNjUxNTA0MCwiaWF0IjoxNzY3Njk4MjQ2LCJleHAiOjIwODMyNzQyNDYsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoibGluay1yZWRpcmVjdCJ9.chR13BDVI0u3E1lr3RTyRpfSH3D8HQFDVxRC-BEhMts?

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjUxMjE3MTM1MzIxLjMuODlkZmY4MGU5YjI1NTVhOS5xd3Y0c2FkdkBtZy1kMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20-IiwidSI6NDI2NTE1MDQwLCJyIjoiYkBlbWFpbC5nb21vZHVsci5jb20iLCJkIjoibWctZDEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tIiwicCI6bnVsbCwidCI6bnVsbCwiYSI6bnVsbCwicyI6MTE2ODg5MiwiYyI6ImZyZWUtd2VsY29tZSIsImYiOnRydWUsInBvc2l0aW9uIjoidG9wIiwiaWF0IjoxNzY1OTc5NjAxLCJleHAiOjE3Njg1NzE2MDEsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoiZW8ifQ.1qL3tn9IBxIYF2e0-SykaeayTgWIyrAlO4cZlZUgnQM] Thank you for subscribing to Nedra Nuggets ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­ Nedra Nuggets [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!ZPs1!,w_80,h_80,c_fill,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0a69ff93-3f67-4ca9-802c-07ef9762093e_256x256.png] First and foremost, thank you for your interest in my work and for signing up for my free resources to take the first steps toward healthier relationships. Let me catch you up on what you’ve been missing! TOP-FIVE MUST READS 📣 Honoring the Season We’re In Some of us have a really hard time letting go of how things used to be and who we used to be. Life moves in seasons, and each one has its own pace. Read more on how to take inventory on the stories and things you might have outgrown. [https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxU0E2O4yAQBeDTmJ0tfgyBBYvZ5BpWAWUHjYEMP7H69qN0bzrrUr336XnoeJT6ZfeKOF94-pKQBCuMo9orgpbdlDQ3oygjmCCe24EZK3QMG_RfV8E0eViq6e4NiECVCFJrBopz2NW-oxJwoyRaTrlknN2YkIKzRSzahH3XFI3jUkowy7_rtTYIr2ml6ZgDW9pwrYP_u_iSSGzbG_u22F4HktM-en-2SfyZ-H3i94yhQofrAvfxOfH7c-L3R8mlxnzM_YFzQ2glzxdWnGMmz-E2X1IaOfavDTO4E8NPy3O4M3roseQtBsuY0tpwUq2bVvqtWY6SShhn_Wa24UJJELP95SH9c-jRsL7TVq4kk3Sl5GX5_wAAAP__vYyFjA] The Truth About Emotional Regulation Emotional regulation isn’t about shutting down feelings—it’s about managing them in a way that serves you. Read more on how you can maintain your calm and what that requires. [https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxU0E2OpSAQB_DTyE4DKD5YsJiN1zCFlEoGxMHimb79xNeb7mWlvn75L0C45fJl14LY3hiXnJB52xvH9TIytOI1KvMyIxcME4Q4b3hgAUI_A_3o9kKz3WKvXxJGY7jyngttcADlEQQK4VajWLCSSyWkeIle9VJ0faeNX1fN0TiplALT_bvfwwX-3Qw8ba0X3VXdRbD87ZacWLjmB_tYLJWKLNqd6Lya_k8jp0ZOB_oCBPcN7tdmI6ezkRPt2FKptLfgcqUWU6aQD4htwa1GeAp2VjcvOaV6BPqa8QAX0X-_O6uLYfmMzcFbIUatjWTFumbgH1a35ZR9jeXjvarzOUE47A8Yo9-J1wvLc22QoxKKD5y9rfwfAAD__-N0iXI] Maybe You Need More Friends In relationships, different people offer different things. If you’re feeling a strain on your relationship with someone, it may be that you’re asking too much of them. Read more on the importance of diversifying your relationships [https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxU0DmOpTAUBdDV4AzkEezAQSdsA3l4UFZjm_bwEbtv_aqkfvz07j26zjQ4cnn0XgDGG06XIyCvmbJYuhmBJsss1KJmTBBEE87tgATFNPCbab-ujEj0pRVzcjEYCFZ8V4sCwXcqJRGMzNwuDAVNMRWEkoUwwSiZ2CSV33eJQVkqhDBq-ne_eDX-NXAcj9GTqXZbm3F_J5cjCnV7Y98W3UoHdOqv1q46sD8DXQe6JvDFNHPfxn58DnS9BrpG81gYn9zHBODHmAuMewmQfEVXt5vLMfYU2rNBMvYE_9NydXsGZ1rIaQteEzJLqSgq2g4cf2umI8fs-1m-mbVbn6MJSf_yoPY5dK9Q3mmczoIIzDF6afo_AAD__7BEhKE]. Managing Quarter and Mid-Life Crises It's natural to reflect on where we are in life, but when those reflections turn into dissatisfaction, it gets tough. The gap between what we want and what we have can stir up frustration, sadness, and even anxiety. Read more on handling the self-imposed pressure that comes with getting older [https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxU0MuOpiAQBeCnkZ2Gi4gsWMzG1zAFlDYZAZvLb_rtJ3_PpntdqXO-HAcNz1y-zFEQxwcvlyMSb4S2dHULQcPUIrXSC2UEI4RrPzFhgYZ-h_bjKthKPow4KEehHBMgqVRKHwseSim3sBU1KhIMp1wyzhQTUnA2iWnV_jhWitpyKSXo6fN5zRX8a5hpPEfPptptbeD-Ti5HEur-xr4tppWO5DIfrd11EH8Gvg18S-gLNHgesL8-B77dA98iJDhDOsfPDqVhGSH5MQY_XuHA0ZVQsZK7293lGHsK7WvHBPZC_7_u7vYKDlrIaQ_eMLasq-akGDvM9Js1nTlm36_y7a3d-hwhJPMDRtrvxXvF8k6b-SKZpDMlL8P_BQAA__84CYiZ]. Declining an Invitation Without Ending a Relationship You might find yourself in a season where you need to dish out a lot of NOs. That’s ok, and that also needs to be communicated. Read more on thoughtfully communicating our needs with the people around you. [https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxU0c1u5CAMwPGnCbdEGEICBw6VuiPtU0QGnClqArN8TNS3X033sj1b-vtn2WOjey5fdi9E40WHzyexYKVxXPuFkYV1UWY1CwdGJ8Zju1Oigo3Chu2_qQTNPizsQZugVuNwXbkmLwFFII8Ai1PBs2gFFwoErCCVFDDJSZuw75qTcUIphWb6cz3niuE5zPy8jwGm2l1t6D8nn08W6_bCviy2lU7ssB-tPeog3wZxG8Ttuq4p5RZzmmoexO294N5GUJ_jWw-RkqfxdwrZj79ejRGMnncuTNBm0dxpLWdHq1nVIrne0Qzy9njWQb4LYI_uNp_Ps6fYvjZK6A4K_xSP7o7o8bV2i8ECLFobwYp1w8y_tdM9nzn0o3yfUbsL-cSYbKJQsOF1oWPt5yN6pfKqzWJRoPjM2dOKvwEAAP__PxOL1g] Going forward, you can expect to get my newsletter every Tuesday where I cover various topics on mental health and creating healthy relationships. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy. I’m glad to finally have you here! Warmly, Nedra © 2025 Nedra Tawwab 904 E. 8th St., Charlotte, NC 28204 Unsubscribe [https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxU0sluqzAUBuCngV2QB8YFi070uipEbbkZukGeSJxgINjETZ_-Krmbdn10fv3n0-HUyt0wXfJ2knLhZMcHLX2R44yBlMe-zGESR1mSxQD6UlPVNTvZy4laKRpqf0wxTP19niAcwiyL4zDhjEmKUZthBiUGcZK1EPgqRwBFEMEE4ggjGOAgzUTbpkBmDEVRRLPg5M6hoeLshUDvFgIGZmbGUn4M-KB9ZZpr2WuX3E6z9Lt8b-1oPHznocJDRS_FRC11jrJfmx4qKLdq6D1UCGUo62Rzi_FwYYej7D38KC8vkKPVZYO6IzkMoDxsYVn_ddXjnSH9_Znj95au39RSR5A9O0N0txcPJC5rjqr6iJf11pUfTn1u9o4chq_q-4ir-glWh7uv14eXkeNSLdWLE2tiy_oJLR93UamIIX0Ft4rERL-PHBWKPa_azzXc07VT7VtQlavnxf23c5v3S7LdkNrU_Uo-LF4RWpGP5Z_TmOjNyRTgAPxxZg0ftJ57ZS-N7K93iv9S48w6xenVoFEihzBO0wz5U868ENwogt2gBzF3043azEwMmqo-_2Hq29_PMhs5XdNCFEcwAiHwzzn6FwAA___pdcZ1] Get the app [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!IzGP!,w_262,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Fimg%2Femail%2Fgeneric-app-button%402x.png]https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxUkU2O5CAMhU8Du0T8JFRYsBipVdeIDDhp1AEyxFSpbz-q6k3Pxpv39PmzHIBwr-3bbQ1xeOIRakYenbZeLMFwdPJmZnuzRkiOGdKx7liwAWFcgX6lWi7802nc0HpjpcDJTGICUNuivb9ZAWhs5MkpoWap5E3qWSs56nGxcdsWgdareZ7Bjn-fj-mC-GCTyPsQ5Xh1fxGErzHUzNO1vmRfLo5aR364T6LzYvoPU3em7r_bTN3hPH_mcFFtODSMqWEgpu-d8hogn5D2wvTHq5OhfSGlsjNl3nEthIWY_nhvHLZaCdvgO1Et_Ox-DTXnXhJ9r1jAHxh_rM7ujxSAUi1rik5KsyxW8eY8m8SbNe4119iP9j7r6j7WDKm4grEBwfMJntP_j-kXthdtUmaWs5gEfzj1LwAA___XQZdKStart writing [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!LkrL!,w_270,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Fimg%2Femail%2Fpublish-button%402x.png]https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/c/eJxskU2O3CwQhk8Du7b48w8LFp_kry-QA1gFlD0oBhwM3ZnbR-7JRBMpS15ePfWUykHFLZd3sxbE2xN3lyNSb6S2bHIDRcPHodejHhinGCHsy4YJC1T0C9Qvv5JP9M1YDoJbzy1wOflRK6-RDV5oxRXgqGkwgomeCz5y2UvBO9lN2q_rxFBb0fc96O7H86FO8A-iWNxunndns2cF971zOdJwLpfs5WJqaUh381brcRL5HxF3Iu5f29czbKkdRN5bjcuZW3FI5PxZImK48og-tEjk_OL-Dl1OFVMlcl5zrlg-Y4gHhC0ROUOreQ37jv72p3LJfXvN_P_FkrMlir243ZZj9m0vH2pDIXIe-c9DMXo0u7gcY0uhvi-YwO7oP_Y7mt2DgxpyWoI3nA_TpAUt5t9cejbrc4SQTEJfoMLzCZbWv0_cTiwXTYmh5z1TjD6M-BUAAP__TkGwCA [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjUxMjE3MTM1MzIxLjMuODlkZmY4MGU5YjI1NTVhOS5xd3Y0c2FkdkBtZy1kMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20-IiwidSI6NDI2NTE1MDQwLCJyIjoiYkBlbWFpbC5nb21vZHVsci5jb20iLCJkIjoibWctZDEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tIiwicCI6bnVsbCwidCI6bnVsbCwiYSI6bnVsbCwicyI6MTE2ODg5MiwiYyI6ImZyZWUtd2VsY29tZSIsImYiOnRydWUsInBvc2l0aW9uIjoiYm90dG9tIiwiaWF0IjoxNzY1OTc5NjAxLCJleHAiOjE3Njg1NzE2MDEsImlzcyI6InB1Yi0wIiwic3ViIjoiZW8ifQ._8DAWCeMbGUVVWIFYW7rdCUcbv0TwI8bjmlHDgY8uUk][https://email.mg-d1.substack.com/o/eJxU0EtuwyAUheHVhFksLi-bAWuxLnDtohrT8oiV3VfJoGrHR_r06wTstJf6dFslul90hJKJRSet50swjBzMRtvZGg6MMqZj3emkip3iiv3PKmFhHw7BGNhAc8mD5BKU8Ra3mULUcUbFWXKCCw0CZpBaCpjktNi4bQsn64XWGu30fT1Uw_i4KZ73e4SpDd86hs8plMxSW1-xrxbX6yD2NfwaSs7jTP250on-oPg7HSlgT-VcU3QAZlmsYNX5m-JvYtpLLnEc9W234WPJmE53UqzY8brQs_7_ndGovjQljAbNFWcPJ34CAAD__2nvatM]