Explore all emails from Susan Cain

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/are-you-a-highly-sensitive-person-1ad Many of you have requested that we devote a Candlelight Chat to the phenomenon of being a “highly sensitive person” - what it’s like to be one, its challenges, its unexpected rewards. So, we’re going to do that, tomorrow - from 1-2 pm ET, on Zoom! Please come with your thoughts, experiences, and questions (though as usual, you’re welcome to share them in writing, via the chat box, or not at all; that is, you’re welcome to participate purely by listening). Tomorrow’s Candlelight Chat will be “just us” – meaning, no esteemed guest this time - just a chance for us to talk to each other. As promised, we’re also going to discuss the poem, “The Peace of Wild Things,” by Wendell Berry. See below, to read the poem in advance. You’ll also be able to “ask me anything” - whether on the above topics or not (though as usual we won’t be covering politics). Here are your log-in instructions:... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.qyy012_E_hu8Bw6SKuls8ME6FbqSJVuWP8H0yt2-GkE?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/going-home-the-deeper-meaning-of Where are you on your life journey, and where and what is the home to which you are traveling? In honor of the new Odyssey movie, by Christopher Nolan, here is one of my all-time favorite poems, by Constantine Cavafy. Cavafy was a Greek poet who often wrote about events from ancient history and literature. This one is based on Homer’s Odyssey -- and Ulysses’ famous journey back to his homeland, Ithaka, after the Trojan war. The poem is a metaphor for the journey of life itself, with Ithaka symbolizing the fulfillment of that life journey. Read it through, and then I’ll give you my interpretation. Ithaka BY C. P. CAVAFY [ https://substack.com/redirect/8143fd38-8d31-4f88-82a4-2a4c7761a8cf?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]​ As you set out for Ithaka hope your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery. Laistrygonians, Cyclops, angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them: you’ll never find things like that on your way as long as you keep your thoughts raised high, as long as a rare excitement stirs your spirit and your body. Laistrygonians, Cyclops, wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them unless you bring them along inside your soul, unless your soul sets them up in front of you. Hope your road is a long one. May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, what joy, you enter harbors you’re seeing for the first time; may you stop at Phoenician trading stations to buy fine things, mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony, sensual perfume of every kind— as many sensual perfumes as you can; and may you visit many Egyptian cities to learn and go on learning from their scholars. Keep Ithaka always in your mind. Arriving there is what you’re destined for. But don’t hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so you’re old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way, not expecting Ithaka to make you rich. Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey. Without her you wouldn't have set out. She has nothing left to give you now. And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you. Wise as you will have become, so full of experience, you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean. As usual, Cavafy ends with a goosebump-inducing line: “you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.” And he’s already told us what they mean, with the OTHER goosebump-inducing line that preceded this final one: “Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.” In other words: this poem conveys the timeless idea that the journey, not the destination, is the ultimate point. But also: that the destination’s whole point is to facilitate the journey. But I think the poem has a spiritual element too, the same one that’s at the heart of my book Bittersweet [ https://substack.com/redirect/f1d23d73-2ff6-4d2f-a43b-1c5474401d6b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] and that I’ve been trying to share for years now. Early in Homer’s epic poem, the Odyssey, we meet Ulysses, weeping on a beach, longing for home (Ithaka). And the reader understands that it’s this very homesickness that sets his journey in motion; and that this longing for Ithaka represents the spiritual longing we all feel (whether we’re atheists, believers, or somewhere in between) to return to the perfect and beautiful world from whence we came. Freud interpreted this longed-for world as the womb. The Judeo-Christian tradition calls it the Garden of Eden. The Sufis call it the Beloved of the Soul, with whom they long for union. The Wizard of Oz calls it Somewhere Over the Rainbow. But it’s all the same thing. And this longing is what J.R. Tolkien called “our whole nature at its best and least corrupted, its gentlest and most human.” So please ask yourself: who or what do you long for, and where will your longing carry you? * Of course, there’s one big thing you have to overlook, in order to fully relish this poem: What about the people back home – Ulysses’ son, Telemachus, who longed for him, all the years of his absence, without the benefit of an exciting journey to distract and enrich him? What about Ulysses’ wife Penelope, trapped in her womanly role of weaving and unweaving all day and night, in an effort to fend off Ithaka’s would-be plunderers? Many poets have addressed this question. One of my favorites is Edna St. Vincent Millay’s “An Ancient Gesture,” which I came across in my 9th grade literature textbook, and which immediately seized me. An Ancient Gesture Edna St. Vincent Millay ​I thought, as I wiped my eyes on the corner of my apron: Penelope did this too. And more than once: you can’t keep weaving all day And undoing it all through the night; Your arms get tired, and the back of your neck gets tight; And along towards morning, when you think it will never be light, And your husband has been gone, and you don’t know where, for years. Suddenly you burst into tears; There is simply nothing else to do. ​ And I thought, as I wiped my eyes on the corner of my apron: This is an ancient gesture, authentic, antique, In the very best tradition, classic, Greek; Ulysses did this too. But only as a gesture,—a gesture which implied To the assembled throng that he was much too moved to speak. He learned it from Penelope… Penelope, who really cried. “Penelope, who really cried.” I think about that line, ALL THE TIME, when I see politicians or other public figures mimicking deep emotions for the crowd’s consumption. False tears won’t carry us home – but true ones might. Incidentally, one other person who has addressed Penelope’s situation is actually… me. My very first (unpublished) writing project, after leaving my law career at age 33 to become a writer, was a coming-of-age memoir. I wrote (parts of) it both in prose and sonnet form; and in the sonnet version, I rewrote Penelope’s story, imagining that she’d had many private, unrecorded, but equally glorious adventures of her own, during all the years she waited for Ulysses. Then I told my own story as a modern-day version of hers, concluding: “I’m Penelope’s descendant/Heiress to a life transcendent.” And this I believe: whoever you are, and wherever you are on your journey, you are heir to Homer’s Ulysses. And, you are Penelope’s descendant. And you will come to understand, if you don’t already, what all these Ithakas mean. * As always, I’d love to hear from you, if you’re inclined to share. *Where are you on your own life journey? *What is your Ithaka? *Are you inclined to read more Cavafy? You should! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.o0T0_zvPpMfunNtB2TCpqWoG-uykbleV88DoNllfxgk?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/the-most-actualized-people-arent Have you had the feeling I do, that the deepest life, the most authentic life, occurs far away from the spotlight — and that the constant bidding for you to become more visible is actually leading you AWAY from such a life? (I realize, as I write this, that I am officially a public/online person, but, you know, not really. Or at least, not completely.) If this resonates with you, you’re going to love this essential new essay by the great psychologist (and friend of The Quiet Life), Scott Barry Kaufman. The essay discusses Abraham Maslow’s essential research on the elements of an “actualized life” - and how Maslow’s findings directly contradict everything you’re told today about the importance of connectivity and visibility. SBK shows us why today’s sages are ignoring Maslow’s findings - and how to resist them. I urge you not to miss this one! And, to follow SBK’s “Beautiful Minds” newsletter [ https://substack.com/redirect/2d12da78-6ed7-4fcb-bcf8-3c33637c1cce?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. Here’s SBK: “In Chasing Productivity, We Lost the Inner Life... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.lIQA261NyRv6oxvcwj5U--r5La1qdE4x6bEDSR3kAPQ?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/the-magic-of-candlelight-chats-and “I don’t easily express my feelings, nor do I even know what they are 99.9% of the time, but in these Candlelight Chats, something always hits me so deeply that I feel it practically in every bone in my body, and that makes it easier for me to express my feelings.” - a Quiet Life member. I always feel a little nervous about hosting these Candlelight Chats, because by nature the role of “host” is not my forte. And yet. And yet. These Chats are one of the most meaningful things we do at The Quiet Life (TQL). And so I appreciated the above feedback from a TQL member; and so I look forward to hosting our next one. This next Chat will be on Sunday, July 26, from 1-2 pm Eastern time, on Zoom, and it will be “Just Us” - i.e., no guest speakers. It will be a chance for us to talk to each other, and listen, and be together as we think - write - experience quietly. As always, there will be no pressure for you to come onscreen and speak, though you’ll be welcome to, if you’d like. You can also participate via commenting in the chat box, or simply by watching and listening. Log-in info will be distributed to Quiet Life members the day before the Chat. If you haven’t yet subscribed, you can do that here: One thing we’ll talk about for sure is the Wendell Berry poem, “The Peace of Wild Things,” which I find myself continually recommending to individual TQL members - so much so that I think we should discuss it (and find solace and inspiration in it) together, as well. Here’s the poem, which you can start contemplating now: The Peace of Wild Things, by Wendell Berry When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. As always, I’d love to hear from you: *How do you feel generally about our Candlelight Chats? Who has been your favorite Candlelight Chat guest (or topic) so far? *Do you have a dream guest you’d like me to interview in future? *Do you prefer “Just Us” Chats? *Is there a question or topic that you’d like to discuss at the upcoming “Just Us” Chat? All of us at The Quiet Life are so honored, and thrilled, that you’re here. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.hR2cG9hgPUU7j1gz84HlmqeWqsDnrIC_fTDOHflUZZE?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/i-am-aware-of-how-little-i-know “We can choose to dispose our attention in a certain way, and depending on how we dispose it, we find a different world.” — Iain McGilchrist This weekend I’ve been immersed in the work of the great author and psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist [ https://substack.com/redirect/c596dcd9-1272-4703-9126-5483b83998c8?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], including the profound insight above. But it’s not actually his work I’m sharing with you today; today, I just want to share this reflection of his, on his own shyness. This is for you if you’re shy too, or if you have imposter syndrome, or if you’re a writer or researcher who tends to feel that you’ve never learned quite enough and that there’s still one more study you really should read, one more point you really should make, to ensure that your argument is airtight and able to withstand the slings and arrows of the most formidable imaginary PhD examiner. I don’t know why we love so much to know that we’re not alone in our idiosyncrasies, but we do. So here’s Iain: “I cannot account for it: my parents did not in any way undermine me, they rather supported me, and would have given me confidence. And at school, I certainly wasn’t told I was not good enough, or anything like that. But I’ve always gone through life with the, you know, what they call the ‘imposter syndrome’. I am aware of how little I know. And so you feel like you’re skating on thin ice all the time. And you can never have enough knowledge of an area. So when I’m writing, I’m drilling down and gathering in and trying to make sure that what I’m saying is grounded on something that is very hard to refute. I’m a shy person, but I’ve developed a persona as many shy people do for performing. And it’s interesting to me as a psychiatrist that some of the people who have what’s now diagnosed as social phobia (in the past, they would just have been said to be rather a shy, retiring person), often take jobs that involve them being on stage. Or being a DJ is another famous one. You’d think you’d have to have a lot of confidence to do these things. But actually it’s a kind of way of performing which is not too threatening.” - Iain McGilchrist The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.oZD13lhPjOmNP7LXiuoF2mSyA2sf0xp1ee49b4gh9CA?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/why-anxiety-feels-so-convincing “We imagine the full impact of what might go wrong, but don’t imagine our own resilience.” - Howard Hertz It’s not so often that I read an essay that gives me multiple new ways of understanding something as familiar as anxiety. But this one did! Today I’m so happy to share with you this piece by Substacker Howard Hertz , on the evolutionary roots of anxiety. Hertz’s essay is chockfull of useful insights (some of which I’ve bolded and annotated for you — see below). Even if you’re already familiar with the idea that the humans who survived and passed their genes on to us are the ones who reacted with greater alertness to real and imagined threats, I guarantee you’ll find other important gems - including insights that will help you outwit unwarranted anxiety. Read on!... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.2ShLv9hameaw07GInB6lkXzH4a7RKgfWNESnuPik_9E?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/does-a-quiet-life-help-anyone Today, we’re discussing the pull between going out into the world to help, vs. the desire to stay home and lead a quiet life. This past week, I received a fantastic e-mail from a new member of The Quiet Life (Welcome, Dan!). It was fantastic, not just because of its honesty but also because it asked a question that many of us wonder about but don’t say out loud. Rather than answer Dan privately, I asked if I could share his query and my response with you, here. He graciously agreed. Here’s Dan’s question: “I am a 62 year old man, partly retired, with very strong introversion tendencies. I now have the time to be helping out or contributing, physically, in the world. But due to my introverted tendencies, I really don't want to be doing that. I have no guilt or bad feelings about being an introvert, this is what I am and I love being this way. Staying home reflecting, thinking, writing, etc, gives me tremendous pleasure, and I feel no guilt at all about not socializing more than I do. But I do feel guilt about not helping, and the nagging thought persists in my brain that these introverted days benefit no one but me and that feels bad. I give money to the causes I care about but I don't give of myself - my time or energy. And I really don't want to do that, not deep down in the most honest part of my soul. But not doing that and quietly staying home feels like I am not doing my part. Perhaps this question has already been answered or addressed earlier before I joined, but I am very interested to know if any other introverted people feel this way, or what I can do about it. Thank you so much. Dan Haverstock (name shared with permission)” And here’s my answer:... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.M2upS7RGj5uwudrL8nqLMcDZ2iF0TPi_atJS1vGqDy4?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/have-you-heard-of-simis Have you ever come across the term — and concept — of SIMIs (the Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions of Everyday Life)? If you’re an introvert, especially, you might not be inclined to pay much attention to these interactions. You might (as I am) be inclined to focus mostly on your deeper relationships. And I do believe that going deep, relationally, is a deeply satisfying way to live. But I like the concept of SIMIs too - the constellation of minor interactions that round out our days. To recommend paying attention to SIMIs is not to urge us to be more social than we actually want to be; it’s more akin to stopping to notice a flower or cloud formation. I came across the concept of SIMI’s from a new book by internationally bestselling author Dr. Amir Levine, called Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/4b3bd6f7-7afa-4c47-a9c4-22d590a4ec9d?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. Dr. Levine is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center whose patented findings hold potential for innovative treatments for psychiatric disorders in adolescents and adults. And I’m so happy to have the chance to bring an exclusive excerpt of the book to you, right here. Here’s Dr. Levine: “One August morning, Ava’s husband collapsed on the floor. All attempts to resuscitate him, first by her and then by the Emergency Medical Service that quickly arrived at the scene, failed, and he was pronounced dead from what appeared to be a massive heart attack. For a long time, Ava couldn’t comprehend it. One moment they were having breakfast, sipping coffee, and talking about the news, and the next, he was gone. Sometimes she would wake up and instinctively look over to her husband’s side of the bed expecting to see him. Other times she thought she heard him coming up the driveway or walking softly about in the next room, only to remember that he was gone and sink into despair. She was full of sadness and anger and often just felt numb, disconnected from the world she had always known. Days went by without her doing much of anything. It didn’t help that they lived in a small town where everyone knew them as a couple. One day, Ava decided that she needed to change her environment if she was ever going to overcome her grief; she simply couldn’t stay in their home anymore. She packed up and moved across the country to a quiet neighborhood lush with gardens and greenery. Each morning, she woke to the sound of birds chirping in the backyard and would lie in bed watching rays of sunlight peek through the trees. After a few weeks, Ava decided to visit the nearby community center. A yoga class was about to start, and she surprised herself by joining. As she moved through the asanas with the others in the class, she found herself breathing into the challenge as the yoga teacher instructed. And it helped her feel a little better. At the end of the class, a group of women greeted her. No one knew her history; they didn’t even ask. They were just nice for the sake of being nice, not because they felt sorry for her. It was a breath of fresh air. They told her about other gym classes at the center that were worth attending and invited her to join them for lunch. She felt so welcomed and included. And that was just the beginning. Over the next few weeks, as she ventured out of her home more and more, Ava discovered the strangest thing. Everyone, literally everyone, she passed by waved hello and smiled at her. And it wasn’t just pedestrians; people passing in their cars all waved hello, too. The first few times she was thrown off. She even looked behind her to see if they were waving at someone else. But she soon realized this was the norm here. Even complete strangers greeted you in this community. A little time went by, and then one morning she woke up and was struck by an unexpected feeling — a spontaneous sensation of unexplained well-being and joy. Unbeknownst to her, Ava had created an enriched environment for herself that helped her overcome her grief and heal. If you pay close attention to Ava’s story, you will see that her enriched environment consisted of many small interactions that on a day-to-day basis changed her life for the better. I’ve come to call these small interactions the seemingly insignificant minor interactions of everyday life, or SIMIs for short. What most people don’t realize is that our SIMIs, the ones that often escape our attention because we believe they are of little consequence, are actually of huge importance in the process of changing your brain and your life toward greater security. THE SEEMINGLY INSIGNIFICANT MINOR INTERACTIONS OF EVERYDAY LIFE (SIMIS) Oftentimes when people seek professional help to overcome emotional and social difficulties, they think of sifting through their early childhood experiences with a therapist as the main vehicle for healing and change. Seldom do people pay much attention to the minutiae of their day-to-day social interactions. But from the point of view of the brain, the minor interactions we have with people not in the past but in our present, everyday lives — whether close allies, significant others, friends and family, or even just colleagues, acquaintances, or passersby on the street — can be a powerful avenue to achieving radical transformation. Change can, in fact, come from taking command of the SIMIs of everyday life. Change can, in fact, come from taking command of the SIMIs of everyday life. Neuroscience studies reveal that SIMIs have the potential to shape and reshape our brains countless times. They can either strengthen existing neurocircuitry or overwrite it to create new pathways. Positive SIMIs can provide us with the opportunity to heal past adversity as new experiences overwrite the old. But negative SIMIs can further solidify past relational experiences that did not serve us then and will not serve us now or in the future. Each positive SIMI is an opportunity for neuroplastic shift, which means that the right SIMIs have the potential to alter the brain on the most fundamental molecular level — helping you attain a richer, more satisfying life. While most animals, driven primarily by instinct, have very limited control over whom they will interact with and how, human beings have a greater degree of freedom. In our society today, we don’t have to stay at a certain company or in a certain job, nor do we have to stay in relationships — whether romantic, familial, or platonic — that are harmful to our brain. We can remove ourselves from one social milieu and try our luck in another. And we can try to change a certain dynamic within an already existing social context; this, if successful, can result in dramatic improvements in well-being and happiness.” OK, this is Susan writing again. I hope you enjoyed this piece as much as I did, and am very curious to know: *Had you heard before of the concept of SIMIs? *Do you take kindly to the idea, or does it feel to you like more urging to be more extroverted than you prefer? *Note that Dr. Levine also recommends taking charge of which SIMIs constitute our days — and making changes to our daily lives so that we actually enjoy the people we meet. Have you ever made such a change? Please do leave a comment—and join the conversation! Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly90aGVxdWlldGxpZmUubmV0L2FjdGlvbi9kaXNhYmxlX2VtYWlsP3Rva2VuPWV5SjFjMlZ5WDJsa0lqbzBNekExTVRReE9UZ3NJbkJ2YzNSZmFXUWlPakU1TlRFM09EZzVNaXdpYVdGMElqb3hOemd5TXpJeE5UZzVMQ0psZUhBaU9qRTRNVE00TlRjMU9Ea3NJbWx6Y3lJNkluQjFZaTB5TURVd09UQXhJaXdpYzNWaUlqb2laR2x6WVdKc1pWOWxiV0ZwYkNKOS5Ma25qSUxCS0M3ZGhPazhDdHRhQmExUmNmTFJDWmlHeG55N2dMbDk5Q1hrIiwicCI6MTk1MTc4ODkyLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJmIjp0cnVlLCJ1Ijo0MzA1MTQxOTgsImlhdCI6MTc4MjMyMTU4OSwiZXhwIjoyMDk3ODk3NTg5LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMCIsInN1YiI6ImxpbmstcmVkaXJlY3QifQ.u_a1pLtLJXTIkAQmyOMI40YqtI0vgMnzyIAlsgtQkL4?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/sometimes-your-mind-exaggerates-the Do you generally notice that you have an inner voice that’s speaking to you all day long? Many of us don’t. Or we notice The Voice some of the time, but the rest of the time, it speaks and speaks and speaks, shaping our moods, shaping our days. The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. The Voice tells us stories. And we don’t even know it. We just think we’re experiencing reality. Today’s Kindred Letter is about becoming aware of The Voice, and taking control of the stories it tells. We’re going to do this courtesy of an excerpt from Eric Zimmer’s new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/e246e5a3-11d3-4f4d-899c-0bc8765f48bb?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. We were lucky to host Eric recently as a Candlelight Chat guest; he’s an author, teacher, speaker, and the creator of The One You Feed podcast [ https://substack.com/redirect/c52ff547-35b0-49a0-bda5-d72044d7c20c?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] — an award-winning show with more than 75 million downloads. Most of all, he’s a treasure trove of hard-earned wisdom, which he loves to share generously — including here in the Kindred Letters. Here’s Eric: “As I sit here and write this my back hurts. I’ve had the good fortune to be traveling for a bit and have been walking . . . a lot. So I woke up, as is often the case, with a sore lower back and shoulders. And what my brain says to me is “My back is killing me.” If I am in a less than fully aware state, this is what I wander around saying to myself. If I stop and actually check in with the signals my back is sending, however, the reality is much more like “my lower back is kind of tight right now.” Which of those two messages do you think is more useful for my state of mind? Extreme language produces extreme emotions. Even if something like “it’s killing me” is obviously hyperbole, to use that script internally is to reinforce that what’s happening is fairly dire. To disrupt this, I use the basic perspective exercise from the last chapter, asking myself, What am I making this mean? and then What else could it mean? Then, following George Kelly’s personal construct theory, I ask myself a third question: What meaning is most useful to me right now? This is where middle-way thinking comes in. This morning I realized that the best way to move forward with my day was to scale back how I was describing the pain to myself. (Internally, the whole conversation went more like “*eyeroll emoji*—I feel your pain, Eric, but a tight lumbar is unlikely to be your cause of death.”) Take another situation all too common for some of us. Your two-year-old has another tantrum and you say, “I can’t stand it!” It’s a throwaway line, but it’s also emotional code for “This is relentless. I’m completely overwhelmed. And if this is what parenting is, I might not be cut out for it.” Now imagine saying to yourself something more like: “Raising a toddler is an exercise in absurdist theater, where one finds oneself negotiating with a tiny tyrant over the existential importance of wearing pants. It will pass.” Not an easy thing to remember in the moment, I know. But parents—tell me that’s not the truth. “I can’t believe they did that!!” Think about that statement. You mean you genuinely, as an intelligent human being, have an inability to believe that someone’s done something that you didn’t want them to do? Now let’s come back to the truth. You can believe it; you just would have chosen for that person to act differently. Try rephrasing to “I wish they hadn’t done that.” If you’re auditioning for The Real Housewives you may want to stick with the original, but assuming you want a calmer existence, the reframe is the right way to go. Again: Extreme language produces extreme emotions. Whether we’re talking to ourselves or anyone else, more measured language creates space for a more balanced, middle-way perspective. Even our most basic linguistic tics can reveal deeply ingrained tendencies—so prepare to get dramatic with the grammatic. (Sorry.) Adjectives, Adverbs, and Pronouns I never thought I’d be treating the lessons of third-grade English like a red-string conspiracy board, but here we are. Adjectives (which modify nouns), pronouns (which replace nouns), and adverbs (which modify verbs and adjectives) can, if we’re not careful, become little bombs of extremity in our descriptions of reality. An example of an adjective to watch out for is horrible. This one is a favorite of my mom’s (sorry, Mom), although it’s pronounced more “haaaarrible” when she says it. Describing things that are unpleasant or tedious as “haaaarrible” can tip our negative feelings over into despair or hopelessness. Similarly dangerous words include disastrous, unbearable, awful, and disgusting. Less common, but among my favorites to say (no one said drama-queen words weren’t fun): flabbergasted, flummoxed, catastrophic, astronomic, and preposterous. Among adverbs, suspects worth questioning are always and never. Want to turn a discussion into a fight? Just accuse the other person of always or never doing something. It works like a charm. Why? Because when looking at our own behavior we know that it’s a patchwork, not an on-off switch. I have not forgotten to do the dishes every day, which is what the statement “You never do the dishes” would cause me to rebut. Or I don’t always get grumpy after work. Adverbs like these provoke defensiveness and shut down the productive, nuanced conversations that should happen about not only the dishes but why the dishes have been causing resentment in the first place. These wonder twins of adverbs don’t just mess up our communication with others, they skew our internal monologues. I’ve seen this with countless coaching clients: “I never finish anything I start” . . .which, of course, is not true, but certainly keeps us feeling like failures. Or “I always mess up” . . . which is the reverse of the above but contains the same seeds of an anxiety spiral. We can add constantly, completely, absolutely, utterly, and totally to our mix. Pronouns (she, he, they) seem innocent enough at first glance, until you add everyone and no one to the mix. “No one loves me” is a classic of the genre. “Everyone thinks I’m stupid,” you say after a presentation to five people goes a little less well than you had hoped. When you notice yourself using any of these red-flag words, experiment with substitutions that reflect the nuance of reality. We could replace my mom’s old standby, horrible, with something like “That doctor visit was unpleasant.” We could say “I’m having a hard time right now” instead of “Everything is terrible” (two red-flag words for the price of one in that sentence). Describing a family visit that didn’t go well, try replacing “He astronomically miscalculated the impact of teaching his parrot swear words” with “Grandma did not like the colorful avian commentary.” And if your first thought is “You never listen to what I say,” try instead “Sometimes I think you don’t give me your full attention.” Note that our goal here is not to gloss over things that are difficult or make us unhappy. It is to remind ourselves that reality is rarely black and white, and that there are a lot of benefits to seeing in full color.” OK, this is Susan writing again. I hope you enjoyed Eric’s ideas as much as I did, and would love to know: *When reading Eric’s words, did you suddenly realize that you actually do use overly extreme internal language? *Do you generally NOTICE that you have an internal voice speaking to you, or do you identify your thoughts and inner monologue as reality? *If you do notice your inner voice - what does it generally sound like? Is it friendly? Is it critical? Is it thoughtful? Other? Please, share your thoughts! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.jEyTdB0LWkLxPA1l1PBd4lbJWaOB_x3pqrD-6rg9ZRs?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/do-you-apologize-for-things-that Last week, I took a car service to the airport. Traffic was heavy, and the drive was unusually long. When we arrived, I offered the driver a cash tip. He shook his head and said: “The gratuity is already included” (something no driver has ever said before; I greatly appreciated his honesty). I said, “I know, but that’s OK,” and added: “The trip to the airport was so long” — meaning, he deserved the extra tip. He nodded, and put the money in his pocket. And then he said “I’m sorry”. I didn’t know why he was apologizing. It was only after I walked away that I realized that he took my remark about the length of the trip as an accusation, rather than what I’d meant it to be: a nod to the terrible traffic, and a reassurance that he deserved the extra money. This was in keeping with his behavior throughout the ride, which had been accommodating to a fault. He’d even told me that I should think of the car as belonging not to him but to me. And what had happened to him to make him so quick to apologize, to feel so undeserving? And if YOU are overly quick to apologize, if you instinctively accommodate, or worry that you’ve burdened someone — why is that? I don’t know the driver’s story, and I don’t know yours; but if you apologize a lot, it’s likely NOT because you’re constantly in the wrong. Here’s what’s probably happening, and how to change it. Do you remember the incredible Candlelight Chat we did, where our guests were the hosts of This Jungian Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/c4065f9a-4cc3-4b28-92af-9a3c5d2c7e37?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] (which has since become one of my favorite podcasts)? In one episode, Lisa Marchiano, Deborah Stewart, and Joseph Lee explore the reasons that some humans over-apologize:... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.9QQLIAWWLRJ3rO1SI22e53ww3PpAmS9tFKSeNr_ldiY?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/on-becoming-the-ocean Fear It is said that before entering the sea a river trembles with fear. She looks back at the path she has traveled, from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding road crossing forests and villages. And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter there seems nothing more than to disappear forever. But there is no other way. The river can not go back. Nobody can go back. To go back is impossible in existence. The river needs to take the risk of entering the ocean because only then will fear disappear, because that’s where the river will know it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming the ocean. -Kahlil Gibran ”Nobody can go back. To go back is impossible in existence”: This sounds, at first, like such a forbidding statement. It speaks of closed doors, and finality. But I find this idea so comforting, because without it, we feel that we should at least try to go back to all the good people and situations that lived and happened in the past. We experience a kind of magical thinking: if only I protest loudly or compellingly enough about this change, about this farewell, if only I make the right call, if only I travel to the right destination, if only I perform the correct ablutions: then things can be as they once were. We know rationally that we can’t go back, but we feel as if, if only we worked at it hard enough, we could. And all this trying, and the futility of it, is so much more painful than the letting go itself. It also stops us from becoming the ocean. What do you think? What has your life experience been? Unsubscribe https://substack.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.NQHJKzm8NB0pgzG3ey5a9sapLNn4Le6xufGaGBgy8jc?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/5-ways-to-respond-when-someone-asks Following our last “Just Us” Candlelight Chat, I received this note from one of our Quiet Life members: “Thank you so much for hosting this lovely gathering. It’s always such a treat to connect with fellow kindred spirits :) I have a question: how to best respond when people say “you’re so quiet”? I’ve never really understood why people feel compelled to point it out. It seems less about making me aware of it and more about their discomfort with my communication style. It’s not exactly an insult, but it’s not really a compliment either, especially given the way it’s often said, usually with a bit of a grimace. I once had a leader walk by my office and say, “You’re so quiet it drives me crazy!” 🤷‍♀️ What I also find interesting is that I’ve never heard the same kind of comment directed at someone for being “so loud.” 🤔” I was about to launch in and give an answer but it occurred to me that so many of you have asked a variation of this question over the years. So I’m sharing my response with all of you: five ways to respond to the “why are you so quiet” question — and even more important, what tone to take, as you respond:... Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly90aGVxdWlldGxpZmUubmV0L2FjdGlvbi9kaXNhYmxlX2VtYWlsP3Rva2VuPWV5SjFjMlZ5WDJsa0lqbzBNekExTVRReE9UZ3NJbkJ2YzNSZmFXUWlPakU1TnpjME1UZzBNeXdpYVdGMElqb3hOemd3TlRjNE9UVTNMQ0psZUhBaU9qRTRNVEl4TVRRNU5UY3NJbWx6Y3lJNkluQjFZaTB5TURVd09UQXhJaXdpYzNWaUlqb2laR2x6WVdKc1pWOWxiV0ZwYkNKOS40MDhsQWZEWGNISFhJdlZxVTQ0cm1LZzZVajQzM3BEZ0k3SkhsUjVNMkNNIiwicCI6MTk3NzQxODQzLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJmIjp0cnVlLCJ1Ijo0MzA1MTQxOTgsImlhdCI6MTc4MDU3ODk1NywiZXhwIjoyMDk2MTU0OTU3LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMCIsInN1YiI6ImxpbmstcmVkaXJlY3QifQ.yA2OnWDpdeP8Y-6KbZRSIaCeOlGg36r7KNNULnlwGDI?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/its-publication-day-for-lucky-and I’m very excited to share with you all that today is publication day for our new children’s book, Lucky and Norman [ https://substack.com/redirect/73503950-1ab6-4207-946c-c6af3f0649ff?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] - and the reviews are wonderful! This children’s book, which I wrote together with three generations of the Cain family, tells the true story of a friendship between our kids and two donkeys they met on vacation - and how learning to say goodbye to Lucky and Norman taught our children about love, sorrow, and resilience. This children’s book was also inspired by my grown-up book, Bittersweet [ https://substack.com/redirect/3fbae763-341d-4ecf-97a7-aa3cd266e208?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. You can order the book here [ https://substack.com/redirect/9639abbe-3e9f-4541-9ee3-76d7126a5299?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]! And here are some of the reviews: “The emotional core of the book is handled with grace. Lim’s watercolor, pencil, and digital illustrations couldn’t be lovelier. Soft greens and golden fields are bathed in changing light, from bright blue days to dusky blue-violet evenings. Her donkeys are the stars of the book: Their enormous, soulful eyes and reactive bodies register wariness, delight, and heartbreak with astonishing expressiveness. Lim varies her spreads and includes intimate vignettes and sweeping pastoral panoramas that give the book visual rhythm. Rooted in real experiences, the story carries the warmth of something genuinely lived.” —Kirkus “When spring arrives, a family drives to the country, where they stay for a week on Mr. Santiago’s farm. While the parents enjoy the peaceful setting, their sons explore the farm. Their host, Mr. Santiago, introduces them to the two donkeys, Lucky and Norman. Though the boys are initially awkward around them, they yearn to play with Norman and Lucky, and they follow the farmer’s advice to earn the donkeys’ trust by feeding them apples and carrots, a practice that helps them eventually befriend the animals. When the animals are finally friendly, the boys spend each day running to the field and romping with the donkeys until it’s time to go home. Their awesome week turns bittersweet when they realize how much they will miss their new friends. Created using watercolor and pencil as well as digital elements, the illustrations sensitively depict the donkeys as well as the people in this quiet yet engaging family story, which was written as a collaboration involving three generations of family members fondly recalling their week in the country with Lucky and Norman.” —Booklist We hope you love reading Lucky and Norman [ https://substack.com/redirect/73503950-1ab6-4207-946c-c6af3f0649ff?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] to the little ones in your lives, as much as we enjoyed creating (and living) it. xo Susan, Ken, Grandma Bobbi, Grandpa Al, Sam and Eli Unsubscribe https://substack.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.AIBidUpM3waRd94LsSph7X23uOXDaMcqL7n_xEGUrtE?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/how-to-heal-the-pain-of-separation A few weekends ago, our son attended Admitted Students Weekend at a West Coast university, and our whole family came along. The weekend was jam-packed with people and activities, pride and excitement. We went to sample lectures and new restaurants, we toured the campus and town, we chatted with other expectant parents (I chose the word “expectant” purposely - it’s usually used for birth, and this stage of life is a new kind of birth, even if it feels like a leave-taking.) There wasn’t much time to think. But then Sunday morning came. I had to continue on to a speaking engagement in Ohio, while Ken and the boys flew home to New York. The way our flights worked out, they left town a few hours before I did. We said goodbye and I wandered around our now-empty Airbnb, fully aware that this was a precursor to the bigger goodbye that looms in our future, the one that’s coming this September. And that’s when it set in: the Pain of Separation. The exact same one I wrote about in Bittersweet [ https://substack.com/redirect/39bd188a-72df-4190-b377-5217f7043762?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] and now Lucky and Norman [ https://substack.com/redirect/f0e69552-1c9a-4076-a0c0-dd055479d121?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] (our new children’s book teaching kids how to say goodbye with resilience). Luckily, I recognize this particular pain so well by now - if you’ve lived this long (I’m 58) you’ve been through it many times. You’ve also learned that it will likely subside. I knew that, as soon as I was in motion myself — heading for the airport, en route to Ohio — I’d feel much better. All of this made me ask myself what else I know, by now, about how to deal with the Pain of Separation. And the answer, I think, is quite a lot. Here are seven of my tried-and-true strategies for saying goodbye to your beloveds: whether due to an empty nest, a breakup or any of life’s vagaries (and you can ask me, this September, how well I’m implementing these strategies!):... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.sS5iP76SNjS235w6lIa3U0Eem4--Ldw_A7-uTVoFzzw?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/family-photos-from-the-making-of I’m so excited to share a new children’s book that three generations of my family wrote together! It’s called Lucky & Norman [ https://substack.com/redirect/e28fc323-82e0-4d4d-882b-06ff6c83cb33?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], and it was written by my husband Ken and me, our sons Sam and Eli, and beloved grandparents Bobbi and Al Cain. It’s a story for kids and families, and it touches on some of the same themes as Bittersweet [ https://substack.com/redirect/e9e03b6a-7eab-4dc7-a6ee-81ba3364d0b2?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. The book also has adorable illustrations by the magnificently gifted Stella Lim. The book tells the story of Sam and Eli’s friendship with two donkeys they befriended on a family vacation - and the sweet sorrow of parting from those donkeys. It teaches little ones (and adults) about impermanence, bittersweetness and resilience - and how to say goodbye to something or someone you love. Lucky & Norman [ https://substack.com/redirect/e28fc323-82e0-4d4d-882b-06ff6c83cb33?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] arrives in stores on June 2 -- but you can preorder your copy now [ https://substack.com/redirect/e28fc323-82e0-4d4d-882b-06ff6c83cb33?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]! In the meantime, I thought I’d share with you a little photo montage of the making of Lucky and Norman [ https://substack.com/redirect/e28fc323-82e0-4d4d-882b-06ff6c83cb33?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]: Unsubscribe https://substack.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.wj-c65VopDo1Sl4LTCHFcDbYuVgnDX75AsUSUzv6rgs?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/the-wonderless-age One of our Quiet Life community’s favorite Candlelight Chat guests was Alexandra (Lexi) Hudson [ https://substack.com/@civicrenaissance ], author of the important book, The Soul of Civility [ https://substack.com/redirect/c1915002-d237-4db9-9a64-86e21b1f1210?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] and the excellent Civic Renaissance Substack [ https://substack.com/redirect/1078e2ac-0c02-46ec-9395-6c80cb99a334?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. Lexi is an advocate for deep civility over superficial politeness, and today she’s back, having graciously offered to share with us her essay, “The Wonderless Age”. I wanted to bring you this piece because it focuses on a topic that affects us all: the end of awe, the rise of cynicism, and how to reclaim your own understanding that the world actually IS a magical place. Here’s Lexi: “Gracious reader, While attending Redefining Classics this past weekend, a conference dedicated to celebrating overlooked voices and experiences in The Great Conversation, I met Junius Johnson, a Yale Ph.D.- turned independent scholar who teaches fascinating courses directly to incurably curious lifelong learners. [ https://substack.com/redirect/ce239a43-3b37-48ac-a222-6c7166b256d0?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] He shared that he’d written a book on why fantasy literature is so good for children. It’s called On Teaching Fairy Stories: A Guide to Cultivating Wonder in Students through Great Literature [ https://substack.com/redirect/d3628870-4134-4910-9b6c-d8e8bf1bdafe?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], and I can’t wait to read it. “Why do you want to teach kids that the world is a magical place?” I asked him. “Because the world is a magical place,” he replied, wonder in his eyes. And he meant it—not in a sentimental or escapist sense, but in the deepest, most reality-rooted way. He offered an example: scientists have discovered only about 15% of the animal life on Earth [ https://substack.com/redirect/a994620a-883d-4836-a35c-d24e1672c875?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. The rest remains a mystery—hidden in ocean trenches, forest canopies, forgotten caves, mountain peaks, and unknown valleys. We truly have no idea what might be out there. For all we know, creatures we think of as myths—dragon-like beasts, glowing birds, transparent frogs—may exist. The planet remains mysterious, brimming with life, possibility, and awe. And yet, despite this possibility for wonder, many of us have forgotten how to see it. Children Are Born With Wonder Children enter the world as natural philosophers. Curiosity is their native tongue—an instinctive drive to wonder, question, and explore. Yet all too often, we stifle it—unwittingly smothering their awe with our cult of utility and efficiency. Curiosity doesn’t always chart the most direct path from point A to point B—but that’s precisely its power. Left unhindered, a child’s day is a litany of astonishment, a symphony of small revelations. • “Why is the sky blue?” • “Where do birds go when it rains?” • “What does the moon eat for breakfast?” They are masters of awe, fluent in curiosity. A dandelion is a marvel. A shadow is an enigma. A cardboard box becomes a rocket ship, a pirate’s cave, or a secret treasure chest. They are constantly awed by everything. But this awe isn’t just charming—it’s foundational. Wonder is how children learn. It’s how they love. It’s how they begin to understand the world and themselves. Wonder is the operating system of a young mind. Cynicism: The Enemy of Wonder The opposite of wonder is not boredom. It’s cynicism. And cynicism is not intellectual sophistication—it’s spiritual fatigue. It’s the feeling of being certain, so certain that nothing can surprise you anymore. Cynicism is the refusal to be impressed. It’s a shield we raise when we’ve been disappointed too many times. It’s the result of overstimulation, over information, and under-delight. It often masquerades as wisdom, but it’s more often a kind of despair: the decision that nothing new under the sun is worth our time, our joy, our reverence. We don’t become cynical overnight. Children lose their wonder gradually, through: • Over-scheduling: Structured, achievement-driven environments that leave little time for open-ended play and exploration. • Screens and algorithms: Which offer instant novelty and dopamine, short-circuiting real-world curiosity and slowing attention spans. • Education that prizes answers over questions: The goal becomes scoring well, not marveling well. • Adult modeling: When the grown-ups around them are distracted, disenchanted, too busy to look up at the stars or down at the ants, children learn that wonder is something we outgrow. And so awe fades. Adult Awe We need wonder just as much—perhaps even more—as adults. Wonder is not a luxury. It is a vital nutrient for the soul. It softens us. It reminds us we’re part of something bigger. It awakens humility, delight, and gratitude. It calls us out of ourselves. Adults who cultivate wonder: • Are more resilient. Awe increases our ability to cope with stress and setbacks. • Are more generous. Wonder has been shown to make people kinder and more collaborative. • Are more alive. Wonder reintroduces depth, mystery, and surprise into lives flattened by routine and responsibility. And the good news is—we can learn it again. Children can be our teachers. Let the Children Lead Us Children don’t need to be taught how to wonder. We do. What they need is for us to protect and preserve their sense of awe—and, whenever possible, to let it spill over into our own lives. We can start by: • Watching how they look at the world. Try seeing things through their eyes. A puddle is an ocean. A caterpillar is an alien. A balloon is magic. • Following their curiosity instead of always leading it. Let them set the pace on a walk. Let their questions become the curriculum of the day. • Limiting distractions. Phones, schedules, and stress pull us away from awe. Practice being fully present with them and the world around you. • Asking more questions. Not to get the “right” answers, but to linger in mystery: What do you think the moon is thinking about right now? And then: look up. Look down. Look long. Recovering Wonder: A Beginner’s Guide 1. Look Up at the Sky Whether day or night, the sky is a free, ever-changing masterpiece. Watch the clouds shape-shift or the stars flicker into view. Let yourself feel small in the best possible way. 2. Ask Childlike Questions The more we ask, the more these questions will arise naturally within us. In time, we’ll begin to soften—loosening the grip of our fear of failure or of looking foolish—and gradually reclaim the childlike wonder we once knew. Instead of rushing for answers, ask a question you don’t know the answer to—Why do leaves change color? What’s inside a cloud? How old is the oldest tree in the world? Stay in the curiosity. 3. Go on a “Wonder Walk” Take a short walk and set the intention to notice five things you’ve never observed before—textures, colors, sounds, smells. Move slowly. Let yourself be astonished. 4. Watch a Child Discover Something If you have children in your life, join them in their play. Let them explain something to you— don’t rush them. Their delight is contagious—and instructive. 5. Read a Myth, Fairy Tale, or Fantasy Story Step into a world of talking animals, magical quests, or enchanted forests. These stories remind us of the deep truths that reason alone can’t explain. 6. Keep a “Wonder Journal” Every evening, write down one thing that surprised, amazed, or delighted you that day—no matter how small. Over time, you’ll train your mind to find the miraculous in the mundane. 7. Stargaze or Watch a Sunrise These moments remind us we live on a spinning rock in a vast universe. Just five minutes of skywatching can reset your whole sense of time and place. 8. Turn Off Your Phone for an Hour Silence the noise. Disconnect to reconnect—with your senses, your surroundings, and your own mind. Wonder requires space to breathe. 9. Touch Nature Run your fingers over bark. Smell the soil. Watch a bee at work. Nature is not just beautiful—it’s strange, intricate, and endlessly mysterious. 10. Let Yourself Be Moved Listen to music that gives you chills. Read poetry aloud. Stand before a work of art. The Magic in the Mundane “Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” —Kafka The extraordinary is hidden in the ordinary, for those with the eyes to see it. Embrace this invitation to pay attention. The world is still full of dragons and dreams, hidden creatures and invisible forces, unanswered questions and unexplored paths. The world is a magical place—not in spite of its reality, but because of it. We do not need to manufacture wonder. We simply need to learn how to see again. And the children in our lives—if we let them—will show us the way.” OK, this is Susan again. I’m curious to know: When is the last time you turned your phone off for an hour? (I must say that I don’t do this nearly enough, myself.) How did you feel? In a typical day or week, do you experience more cynicism or wonder? Which of Lexi’s strategies struck you as the most achievable? Please do share! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.72Gqwe7VX7qA61i0g8TVPmdxzMwvJVgqoe1BOTYGRP8?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/the-most-moving-parts-of-last-sundays Here were some of the questions we covered during last Sunday’s amazingly warm and intimate “Just Us” Candlelight Chat: *How should one handle pressure from a significant other to be more outgoing? *What to do when you’re burned out from a role, and want to quit, but feel guilty about it? *Is it possible to be open and authentic at work while also drawing … Unsubscribe https://substack.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.LFAmeX7mOArUMglVlB_TnIaw08yieku7NRtUUUAJh28?

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/o/87f93c4f66c260b7/p.gif?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwNTA3MTczMzQ0LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5nNGE3Z2tqdEBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJ0b3AiLCJpYXQiOjE3NzgxNzUyMjQsImV4cCI6MTc4MDc2NzIyNCwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.6TOcC1USlq2_fEa4c-vD4vckwjhtC8dPKlGSpAm6x2s] The Quiet Life with Susan Cain subscriber chat ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­   [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] Susan Cain just started a thread Join the chat for The Quiet Life with Susan Cain [https://thequietlife.net/] now in the Substack app [https://substack.com/app/app-store-redirect?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] or web reader [https://substack.com/chat/2050901/post/deefbbbf-4d3b-4700-af7c-719e365032fd?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email]. [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!YqGs!,w_24,c_scale,f_png,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Ficon%2FLucideCornerDownRight%3Fv%3D4%26height%3D24%26fill%3Dtransparent%26stroke%3D%2523808080%26strokeWidth%3D4] From Susan Cain’s subscriber chat Susan Cain As always, it was wonderful to see so many of you at the Candlelight Chat last Sunday! The “Just Us” chats have their own special rhythm and vibe, and I’m so glad we did this one. We briefly touched on the question of “highly sensitive” characters in literature, and some of you gave your own favorite examples. Quiet Life member Niki Mathias has compiled the list for us, and here it is. Please add other suggestions below! Bridge to Terabithia, by Katherine Paterson The Bone People, by Keri Hulme The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett My Brilliant Friend, by Elena Ferrante Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, by Gail Honeyman The Elegance of the Hedgehog, by Muriel Barbery Chasing Redbird, by Sharon Creech The Real Me, by Betty Miles The Maisie Dobbs series, by Jacqueline Winspear Books by C.S. Lewis (including Lucy of Narnia) Books by Madeleine L’Engle (her granddaughter is an HSP) Books by Frederick Bachman Books by Paula Danzinger Join chat [https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/deefbbbf-4d3b-4700-af7c-719e365032fd?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] © 2026 Susan Cain 570 Piermont Road Suite 174, Closter, New Jersey 07624 Unsubscribe [https://thequietlife.net/action/disable_email?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo0MzA1MTQxOTgsInBvc3RfaWQiOm51bGwsImlhdCI6MTc3ODE3NTIyNCwiZXhwIjoxODA5NzExMjI0LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA1MDkwMSIsInN1YiI6ImRpc2FibGVfZW1haWwifQ.T4OYwhbvnHCj-QQvcN94fbR-GLHAlbIMMhdQfojri6Y]   [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/o/e1223d2574cfb981/p.gif?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwNTA3MTczMzQ0LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5nNGE3Z2tqdEBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJib3R0b20iLCJpYXQiOjE3NzgxNzUyMjQsImV4cCI6MTc4MDc2NzIyNCwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.vkvoz0X4jauWj15yBmHlXT7JPxwVYDSd88-IcGfyyOE][https://email.mg1.substack.com/o/eJxU0EFuwyAQheHThF2tAYPHXnAWaximDo2BCkOl3L5KNlXXv_Tp6TF1OWp7er5T_-j3JhRV9ICGMSjxGnHV6IxZlGRK535IkUZd4k79r1q0i7p7w5_sojMBV1y0zGxwQ8BoRHTABVTyBswCDlDjPFs7zRO6CJum4NhFvc52Oizh8fjqNwv50NM1wtWJHxPXrL5H2LnmPErqz10KhVOi723IK52Jqada9hS9AQcbaNV8vll4b5-OmmscZ3tT1wixZkrFX-OiwpSK6v9uGJe0F2VncNrqbVU_3vwGAAD__zTHYSo]

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/how-to-make-better-decisions When it comes to decision-making, are you more of a “maximizer” or a “satisficer”? And what do these terms mean, anyway? And why does the answer matter so much, when it comes to leading a rewarding life…and making good decisions? If you’d like to know the answers to these questions, today’s Kindred Letter is for you. It’s a sneak-peek excerpt from my friend David Epstein’s brand-new, out-today book, “INSIDE THE BOX: How Constraints Make Us Better [ https://substack.com/redirect/5b572b6f-92e3-4801-b4ab-ebba75dfab69?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]”. In case you missed it, earlier this month I republished David’s article: Why you choke under pressure [ https://substack.com/redirect/1e94a958-6c14-4126-8b6d-444e25260083?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. I hope you enjoy! Here’s David: “If I had to choose a single thinker whose work most influenced this book, it would be Herbert Simon. Simon was trained as a political scientist, but a handful of disciplines claim him. He won the highest award in computer science (the Turing Award), and in psychology (Outstanding Lifetime Contributions), and in economics—the Nobel Prize. When a graduate student once asked Simon to explain his mastery of multiple fields, Simon replied that he was actually just fanatically exploring a single topic: how humans make decisions. Simon showed that decision-making departs from what he had learned in economics courses because people are always faced with imperfect information about their options and equipped with limited ability to anticipate the consequences of their choices. Rather than “maximize,” or make the best choice from all available alternatives, Simon showed that humans must “satisfice”: consider a limited menu of options and choose one that is “good enough.” Simon applied his findings in a practical sense to himself. He was, in his own words, an “incorrigible satisficer.” True maximizing is impossible anyway, and “searching for the best can only dissipate scarce cognitive resources,” Simon wrote. Here is his eldest daughter, Katherine, recalling his lifestyle: “He wore one brand of socks, thus, after the first purchase, never having to select the color or style of what he put on his feet each day. He mostly wore plain white dress shirts or simple pale-colored sports shirts and very dark navy blue (almost black) trousers. From my earliest childhood, I remember hearing him remark that one needed only three sets of clothing: one on one’s body, one in the wash and one in the closet ready to wear. . . . His black beret (the only kind of hat he ever wore) was made at a particular haberdashery in Belgium. He owned only one beret at a time. When it began to look worn, he’d order the next, or, when he was abroad, he’d stop by the shop to buy a new one. The same with shoes. He wore black leather Oxfords in cold weather and sandals in the summer. He owned one pair of each that he wore until they wore out; then he’d get exactly the same kind to replace them. My father also simplified his life in terms of his daily habits, thus eliminating the need to make little decisions about everything.” Simon always had the same breakfast (bowl of oatmeal, half grapefruit, black coffee), and lived in the same house for forty-six years. He didn’t agonize over keeping his options open. When he had to make a decision, he considered a few alternatives, sometimes solicited advice, chose, and then remained open to lessons but not to dwelling on regret. “I was never aware that he changed his mind or re-thought options after deciding on something,” Katherine wrote. “Once made, his decision stuck.” Simon knew maximizing was unrealistic, and so he eagerly satisficed, saving anxiety and cognitive bandwidth anywhere he could. “The best is enemy of the good,” Simon wrote. One might be tempted to accuse him of a lack of ambition, if not for his trophy case. Psychologists who followed up on Simon’s work have demonstrated the formidable wisdom of his life philosophy. Maximizing may be impossible, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. Not long after Simon passed away in 2001, a team of psychologists created a maximization scale, a survey to measure how much of a maximizer or satisficer one is. As it turned out, it is usually bad to be a maximizer. Maximizers are less satisfied with their decisions and their lives, less optimistic, less happy, more prone to regret, and more likely to endlessly compare themselves to others. It’s not that relative satisficers have low standards; they can have high standards. It’s that they have standards at all other than “best imaginable,” so they create the possibility of satisfaction with their choices. Unsurprisingly, maximizers are more likely to feel overwhelmed by choice. In the abstract, more choice is always better. In practice, not necessarily. The drive to maximize in a world of never-ending choice is the heart of a short story by one of my favorite writers, Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami. In it, a lonely young boy and girl meet on a street corner and intuitively realize that they are the “100% perfect” match for one another. It’s a miracle. They walk to a park bench, hold hands, and talk for hours. “As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one’s dreams to come true so easily?” They decide on a test. If they really are perfect for one another, they can walk away and they’ll inevitably meet again. Then they can be absolutely sure that they’re the 100 percent perfect match, and will get married then and there. The boy walks off west, and the girl east. They really were perfect for each other, but, sadly, they never meet again. It is OK to be satisfied. In a world of enormous choice, in fact, it is critical for well-being. As Simon pointed out, if we counted the cost in time and energy of evaluating options, we would see that satisficing actually is the maximizing strategy. OK, this is Susan writing again. I hope you appreciated this piece as much as I did, and am very curious to know: *Do you tend to have trouble making decisions, or do you make them easily? *Do you see yourself as more of a “maximizer” or “satisficer”? *Can too much freedom indeed be paralyzing? When have you experienced this in your own life? *What kinds of constraints (time, budget, rules) tend to spark your best thinking? Please, leave a comment, and share! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.dG2fc6Ehybfe22G8Q_kCNKPr8u5TKzBcW_QUUGVrpog?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/our-next-just-us-candlelight-chat Hello all, It feels like it’s time for us to do another “Just Us” Candlelight Chat! So: let’s do it. This Sunday, at 1 pm Eastern time. We’ll go for up to an hour, for as long as you have questions and discussion topics for me. We’ll send out the log-in instructions tomorrow (Saturday) to all paid/scholarship members. This will be an “Ask Me (Almost) Anything.” As usual, we’re not going to get into politics. Other than that, if your question is too personal, I’ll just let you know. But you should really feel free to ask away. Also as usual, you can feel free to participate actively, or to be a happy listener. Please start asking questions and raising discussion topics, by commenting below! I’d love to know in advance what’s on your mind. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.e0zT3a_xzIQZkHRejZ42hlH2vxJHgQuuS0Ovg3pdk5Y?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/a-stanford-neuroscientist-on-how Here’s one of the most famous insights from the famous Stanford neuroscientist, Robert Sapolsky. (I had the chance to hear Sapolsky speak last week, which reminded me how great he is, and that I should really share his work with you): Zebras flee lions for a 30 second run, then go back to grazing. But humans can worry about imagined lions for 30 years. And doing this has terrible impacts on our physical and psychological health. As Sapolsky explains: “If a lion is chasing you, and your blood pressure is 180 over 120, you’re not suffering from high blood pressure: you’re saving your life. On the other hand, if your blood pressure is 180 over 120 every time you’re stuck in traffic or you picked the slow line at the grocery store, you’re not saving your life: you’re suffering from stress-induced hypertension. And if you do that chronically enough, you’re going to damage your cardiovascular system. You’ll be more at risk for cardiovascular disease than if you smoke, than if you are overweight, than if you have elevated cholesterol levels.” This “imagined lion” habit is stubborn because it feels as if you’re doing the responsible thing by worrying about lions. It feels as if vigilance equals care. The answer is to teach your nervous system the difference between care and alarm. Here are eight ways to do this:... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.D7Sag8gvLeEj72zXbTV0V5MHoL8u18de5Wog0X7DkmI?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/why-you-choke-under-pressure Oh, the phenomenon of choking under pressure. It happened to me when I was a nine-year-old figure skater and fell twice during my first competition. It happened again when I was starting out as a public speaker - I used to feel as if my whole personality would freeze up onstage. And it sometimes happens now, as a 58-year-old tennis player, even though there are zero stakes to the matches I play. Mostly, I’ve written this off as anxiety, an emotion that I’m quite familiar with. But it turns out that there’s way more to choking than simple anxiety - and that understanding the mechanics of choking gives you the tools you need to stop doing it so much. My friend David Epstein is the wildly thoughtful (now there are two words that may never have been strung together before, not even by AI, ha) author of the #1 New York Times best seller Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World [ https://substack.com/redirect/c896f38a-e995-43ce-9673-557f10977b98?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], and of the bestseller The Sports Gene [ https://substack.com/redirect/bae1a2d4-0e72-431f-a17a-de9fc7c8769e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. He also writes a fantastic Substack, Range Widely [ https://substack.com/redirect/518056e4-4357-4319-a7d9-d8c52aaa3deb?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. And he has a new book, Inside the Box: How Constraints Make Us Better [ https://substack.com/redirect/8eefb5b7-2462-4c5d-88bd-8298be62eafa?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], coming out soon! Today, David is with us, to tell us what exactly happens in your brain when you choke under pressure - and how to make it stop. I found this information to be nothing short of revelatory, and if you, or a loved one, is an athlete, performer, or test-taker who chokes under pressure, I think you will too:... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.wRk-NhbCekIcdq0VC0xAN4pqGDDhf2RaZjSo7n23Reg?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/nothing-gold-can-stay Instead of starting your week with deadlines and stress, how about a lovely poem from Robert Frost, on the inevitability of loss and change: Nothing Gold Can Stay Nature’s first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. This poem seems, at first, to have a hopeless tone. The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. But I find, again and again, that accepting the inevitability of loss and change unlocks a richer, deeper form of happiness: a savoring of the present, and a willingness to find and embrace future gains. (This is really what my book, BITTERSWEET [ https://substack.com/redirect/62431800-5cd6-4f62-9672-4586bc18acd2?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], was all about. And I’m considering these themes all over again now, as my husband Ken and I find ourselves months away from an “empty nest”. Right now I feel pretty calm and optimistic about this change - I’ll let you know what it’s actually like, in September!) This is not to say that life doesn’t throw us catastrophic losses whose arrival we must mourn. But life does reconstitute itself, continually, in new forms; and the challenge is to open ourselves to these new forms - even when we don’t welcome them. * You know I always love to hear from you: What in your life feels “golden” (and perhaps fleeting) right now — and are you savoring it fully, while it’s still here? What “new form” might life be asking you to welcome, even if you didn’t choose it? What has “not stayed” in your life—and what did its passing teach you? Please do share! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.dRpKfrVJHB8TnlJligKOLmDFDDXfXN_ftcBLcdLnATc?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/join-me-at-the-slowdown-summit Dear all, Recently, I was invited to give the keynote address at The Slowdown Summit - a conference for introverts, neurodivergent people, and reflective thinkers. It will be held at the Columbus Museum of Art, in Columbus, Ohio, on Monday, April 27. The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. The conference organizers describe the Slowdown Summit, which you can learn more about here [ https://substack.com/redirect/f1e49c82-05e1-4929-ac2a-5b5c53c1ee27?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], as “part retreat, part professional development, and part creative recharge. You’ll find immersive sessions, quiet corners, shared meals, and real conversations - all within a setting designed to be intentional and energizing.” WE’RE ALSO GOING TO HAVE A SEPARATE MEET-UP AT THE SUMMIT, JUST FOR READERS OF THE QUIET LIFE. It will be either during or just after the conference. Also - Quiet Life readers receive a 50% DISCOUNT to the conference: just enter “Quietlife” when you sign up. If you do sign up for the Summit (which you can do here [ https://substack.com/redirect/09bf4323-5d16-40ad-816b-5b7c111627ac?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]), please do comment below to let us know, so we’ll know how many of you to expect at our Quiet Life Meetup! I am so excited at the chance to meet you in person. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.uXsX-93elGc_s8T7rS17Vsnr1GpmPQP0rrBTPZs_QDQ?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/how-to-free-yourself-from-moral-perfectionism Are you a moral perfectionist? Which is to say: Do you feel acute shame if you think you did something wrong? Do you have a tendency to feel guilty, even when you really aren’t? Do you feel uncomfortable when occasionally you have a selfish or mean-spirited thought? Do you feel unsure when it’s “right” to “put yourself first”? If this sounds like you, today’s Kindred Letter is for you... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.xv0-R561LZz-AApremfyA9OtpHcnH0G0vxB6Shc3B3Y?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/heres-the-video-replay-of-last-weeks Did you get a chance to attend our Candlelight Chat with Eric Zimmer — author of the much-anticipated new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes For a More Meaningful Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/40a55373-7877-46f2-a5ae-7047e19707be?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] and host of the award winning podcast, “The One You Feed”? If not - or if you were there, and would like to watch it again - this video replay is for you! It’s avai… Unsubscribe https://substack.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.wW7m1yhIVncMcfGKpN9I9TmKK9xp_fIV6QKTlLP4nxI?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/how-to-read-more-and-some-favorite Like everyone else, these days I spend too much time doom-scrolling on my phone, and too little time reading actual books. But I’ve been inspired by our teenaged sons - who are suddenly putting down their phones and reading long books about history and politics — to change my ways, and to get back to my first love: reading. The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I’m guessing that you might feel the same way. So, in case it inspires you, I thought I’d share these favorite books from my home library, plus some suggestions for disconnecting from your phone, and reading more. * First, some fave books: Sacred Therapy: Jewish Spiritual Teachings on Emotional Healing and Inner Wholeness [ https://substack.com/redirect/3018639a-7786-4670-ae0f-5ba93b61bbae?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], by Estelle Frankel: This book is so full of wisdom and insight. I pulled down my copy just now and it’s filled with underlines and margin notes. Frankel draws on tales and teachings from the Bible, the Talmud, Kabbalah, and Hasidic tradition to offer insights on healing broken hearts, and living life as a sacred narrative. The Power of Myth [ https://substack.com/redirect/16858848-ea34-4fe4-906e-9c429e50f6c7?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], by Joseph Campbell: I discovered Campbell’s work during that great transitional period of my life (in my early 30s, when I left the wrong career and the wrong relationship, and set sail into the unknown) and it has been a mainstay ever since. This book (as with most of Campbell’s work) is an exploration of how the world’s myths — ancient and modern — reveal the shared patterns of the human experience. Drawn from a series of conversations with journalist Bill Moyers, it shows how stories from diverse cultures illuminate universal themes such as the hero’s journey, the search for meaning, the tension between individual destiny and social roles, and the encounter with the sacred. Gone: A Girl, A Violin, a Life Unstrung [ https://substack.com/redirect/bfaa2acd-ab6b-407d-a3c7-33a5dbb7c853?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], by Min Kym: This is one of the most extraordinary memoirs I’ve ever read. World-class violinist Min Kym recounts the bond she formed at seventeen with a Stradivarius violin that became, for her, something like a lover, a child, a twin. These were not just fanciful metaphors: Min happily lived in a tiny apartment so she could pour all her financial resources into maintaining her instrument. But when her violin was stolen one day, her world collapsed. She stopped playing for years, fell into a deep depression. Eventually, though, she began to emerge — full of insights on loss and rebirth — and she wrote this magisterial book. When I first read the manuscript — which was sent to me by our shared editor — I stayed up all night to finish reading. I think you will, too. And, here are a few suggestions of how to disconnect from your phone and read more: *As with all habits you want to encourage, make them easy and inviting. Turn reading into a beloved ritual, with a “clean and well-lighted place”: your favorite armchair, a cozy lamp, a special reading snack or cup of coffee. *Again, as with all habits you want to encourage, start small: fifteen minutes a day is fine, and so is ten minutes. So is five. Any amount of minutes is better than zero minutes! As always, I’d love to hear from you: *I’d be curious to know which one(s) of these books, if any, appeal to you. *And, would you please share some favorite reads of your own? *Do you think that our boys’ recently rekindled interest in book-reading is part of a wider trend, or a quirk of our family? I suspect the former, but am curious about your experiences. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.Wv1n3eK_XoZETsGothXBe8Pl7BrP1ToIeppACO59O8A?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/let-difficult-people-do-what-they Last week, I reposted this simple statement: “One of the most peaceful habits you can build is letting people do whatever they want…. and simply adjusting your distance.” - @onixxx Many of you resonated with it; some of you asked for concrete tips on how to peacefully adjust your distance, especially from the difficult people in your life. I’m going to give you ten concrete suggestions, in a minute. But first, think of a difficult person in your life. Then think how much energy you spend trying to get this person to see things your way. You might wish for them to treat you better, or to exercise more, or to see the political world from your point of view. You might express these wishes out loud, only for them to fall on deaf or angry ears. Or you might keep these wishes to yourself, expressing them over and over in the seemingly safe chamber of your own mind. And when these wishes (of course) don’t come true (i.e., when the difficult person doesn’t change) you might feel a sense of failure. But here’s a different approach: ... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.OtrnekK0Uml6UVqOgwpAmKAFXgCQJCzXJg6fGLOmHKQ?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/our-candlelight-chat-is-tomorrow Dear all, I’m really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, for our next Candlelight Chat. We’re going to talk about longing vs. craving; whether you should pursue acceptance or change; bittersweet music; and more. This one’s for you if your life feels stagnant, or if you’re trying to build better habits, or if you want to make changes, without turning your life upside down. We’re very honored to host special guest Eric Zimmer, host of the critically acclaimed podcast, “The One You Feed [ https://substack.com/redirect/989ae5a4-1806-4733-971a-d6c4ccb105b5?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]”, and author of the upcoming new book — How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes For a More Meaningful Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/78851f0e-e4a3-44ae-bebe-5b191d5f5cb5?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], an excerpt of which we’ll publish soon. As I mentioned the other day, Eric is intense, caring, and very insightful, and you can feel these things the minute you start talking to him. You’ll see what I mean, when you meet him. As usual, we’ll also invite you to ask your questions of Eric. You’ll be able to talk to him either via the written chat, or by “raising your hand” and coming online to chat with him. Also as usual, please have a candle handy, but don’t light it yet. We’ll do that together. And, please bring a journal, iPad, sketchbook, or whatever works best for you. And finally, don’t worry if you can’t make it live. We’ll send out a video recording to paid and scholarship subscribers next week. Here are your log-in instructions:... Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly90aGVxdWlldGxpZmUubmV0L2FjdGlvbi9kaXNhYmxlX2VtYWlsP3Rva2VuPWV5SjFjMlZ5WDJsa0lqbzBNekExTVRReE9UZ3NJbkJ2YzNSZmFXUWlPakU1TWpReU9UVTVNaXdpYVdGMElqb3hOemMwTnpFNU1UZzVMQ0psZUhBaU9qRTRNRFl5TlRVeE9Ea3NJbWx6Y3lJNkluQjFZaTB5TURVd09UQXhJaXdpYzNWaUlqb2laR2x6WVdKc1pWOWxiV0ZwYkNKOS5hMDBGMGt0MFF0cFdPcUtSRU8xVVVsSHhlNkRGdXRGd2JpQ1hNQ2VFZ2VnIiwicCI6MTkyNDI5NTkyLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJmIjp0cnVlLCJ1Ijo0MzA1MTQxOTgsImlhdCI6MTc3NDcxOTE4OSwiZXhwIjoyMDkwMjk1MTg5LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMCIsInN1YiI6ImxpbmstcmVkaXJlY3QifQ.gGjrTB6fVOfTdXmOLyhrCR6SBMC_SyznLe4CiFDm5wU?

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMzI3MTgxMTU4LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5seWE1eDQxNkBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJ0b3AiLCJpYXQiOjE3NzQ2MzUxMTgsImV4cCI6MTc3NzIyNzExOCwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.xlHkjzUBk4ZtDnZXAfja2tCGIaOBu94Grumd1M5Trf0] The Quiet Life with Susan Cain subscriber chat ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­   [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] Susan Cain just started a thread Join the chat for The Quiet Life with Susan Cain [https://thequietlife.net/] now in the Substack app [https://substack.com/app/app-store-redirect?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] or web reader [https://substack.com/chat/2050901/post/b3b9580d-a1af-4d86-b038-3a8fd9d5c236?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email]. [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!YqGs!,w_24,c_scale,f_png,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Ficon%2FLucideCornerDownRight%3Fv%3D4%26height%3D24%26fill%3Dtransparent%26stroke%3D%2523808080%26strokeWidth%3D4] From Susan Cain’s subscriber chat [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!dkqj!,w_800,h_800,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff053b912-f617-4363-8f86-d1b4e759ff5e_4032x3024.jpeg] Susan Cain Hello, friends, I thought it might be fun for us to post a photo of where we are right this minute (for me, as I write this post; for you, as you read it). I'm in the same office from which I beam in to our Candlelight Chats (speaking of which, WE HAVE OUR NEXT ONE THIS SUNDAY, at 1 pm, on Zoom; log-in instructions to come tomorrow (Saturday)). But in this photo I've zoomed in on two of the shelves, showcasing (1) the millionth copy of my book QUIET, and (2) a framed copy of the email my husband sent me after one of our first dates, when I sent him some of my poems and he told me to "WRITE WOMAN, WRITE." I look forward to seeing a glimpse of your world! Join chat [https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/b3b9580d-a1af-4d86-b038-3a8fd9d5c236?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] © 2026 Susan Cain 570 Piermont Road Suite 174, Closter, New Jersey 07624 Unsubscribe [https://thequietlife.net/action/disable_email?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo0MzA1MTQxOTgsInBvc3RfaWQiOm51bGwsImlhdCI6MTc3NDYzNTExNywiZXhwIjoxODA2MTcxMTE3LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA1MDkwMSIsInN1YiI6ImRpc2FibGVfZW1haWwifQ.kRHuUD0zIfKC6dI-dAx2Jg5Rbo_4pW7lk1M9xg0ReWs]   [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMzI3MTgxMTU4LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5seWE1eDQxNkBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJib3R0b20iLCJpYXQiOjE3NzQ2MzUxMTgsImV4cCI6MTc3NzIyNzExOCwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.rEh4zthaDZ5hnXo3KvLN5X7lRQUKpvR5MHrIgR2vCVw][https://email.mg1.substack.com/o/eJxU0E1uwyAQxfHThF0tBvPlBWexhmHioBqoMFTN7atkUanrv_TT0yMcfLT-DPTA8TEenTGJFKRT5KLgAM5puxpQm-CC-dwPrtxxcNpx_FXwcnPiEdgmzwgOdPRk78x3YuvSHayXK5EXOSiprFyVAw9g_LIuziS5AUZDJoFf9XI-0fxosDctywHLNeM1kD4XakV8zbhTK2XWPJ47V4wnpzD65Fc6M-HIre45BSWN3CSIHspNy_f25WilpXn2N3XNmFrBXMM1L6yEuYrx74Z5cX9RepUGNGxefAf1GwAA___PTWHO]

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/our-next-candlelight-chat-is-this-a44 When I did my book tour for BITTERSWEET: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole [ https://substack.com/redirect/81db6cc2-4794-4add-b1b0-a21809623721?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], my father and brother had recently passed away from COVID, and I didn’t want to do in-person events. Instead, I agreed to be a guest on approximately a gazillion podcasts (“gazillion” = at least 130, probably more). It was an exciting though exhausting experience, and most of it I remember in a blur. But one thing I do recall clearly is the feeling I got from being a guest on Eric Zimmer’s critically acclaimed podcast, “The One You Feed [ https://substack.com/redirect/124de5c3-a4aa-49a2-9d72-1abeccefdbcc?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]”. Eric has an extremely singular and wonderful quality: he’s intense, caring, and very insightful, and you can feel these things the minute you start talking to him. You’ll see what I mean, when you meet him. The image that’s coming to my mind, as I type these words, is of a beautifully polished stone you pick up at the water’s edge, one that sits warm and smooth in your palm. You know that the stone got that way from having been tossed around the ocean waves for years (as has Eric - he’ll share his difficult life story) and that makes it all the lovelier. Anyway, that’s why I’m so happy to announce that Eric will be our guest for this Sunday’s Candlelight Chat (1 pm ET, on Zoom). We’ll be discussing his much-anticipated new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes For a More Meaningful Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/ad53abed-3829-4af2-ac98-a8d35a2dbda5?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], an excerpt of which we’ll also publish soon. If your life feels stagnant — or too big to fix all at once… If you’re trying to build better habits… If you want to make changes, without turning your life upside down… This Sunday’s Candlelight Chat is for you. We’re also going to talk about sad music (here’s Eric’s version of a Bittersweet playlist [ https://substack.com/redirect/441fd922-1aa3-42b9-a14e-b7a1c425fa9a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]); longing vs. craving; whether you should pursue acceptance or change; sad music, and more. To participate, you must be a paid or scholarship member of The Quiet Life. Members can participate either live (we’ll send log-in instructions this Saturday), or by watching the video replay, which we’ll send later. As usual, we’ll also invite you to ask your questions of Eric. You’ll be able to talk to him either via the written chat, or by “raising your hand” and coming online to chat with him. I really hope you join us! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.Z_tbSDVBCvJysSyXkA5xzZJLZWQUQA8WWmiVVlUHgLs?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/why-ive-always-felt-uneasy-in-groups All my life, I’ve felt deeply, instinctively, unsafe in groups. I don’t mean groups like my family, who are my most beloved people on earth. I just mean group life in general. For a long time, I wondered how this could be - especially since humans are famously social animals, evolved to live in tribes. But the older I get, the more I suspect that this instinctive wariness has something to do with the strange way we now talk about individualism — as if it were something selfish or suspect. ... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.PfoommUqr1GHPigwRKhmSUqw76bS3UtF0usw8xbF8xc?

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMzEzMTMxOTQyLjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5mcnB1ZXp0eEBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJ0b3AiLCJpYXQiOjE3NzM0MDc5ODIsImV4cCI6MTc3NTk5OTk4MiwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.3xhfJ0Eignvo99o-KlPYd4XzXWOImynInU3Xo8n3oH4] The Quiet Life with Susan Cain subscriber chat ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­   [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] Susan Cain just started a thread Join the chat for The Quiet Life with Susan Cain [https://thequietlife.net/] now in the Substack app [https://substack.com/app/app-store-redirect?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] or web reader [https://substack.com/chat/2050901/post/c1e4edc4-655b-4c32-a4a6-14c56eb30d57?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email]. [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!YqGs!,w_24,c_scale,f_png,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Ficon%2FLucideCornerDownRight%3Fv%3D4%26height%3D24%26fill%3Dtransparent%26stroke%3D%2523808080%26strokeWidth%3D4] From Susan Cain’s subscriber chat [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!84II!,w_800,h_800,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F824aa697-a93e-433e-887d-87999f79d340_419x500.png] Susan Cain Hello everyone, and welcome to one of my favorite features of The Quiet Life: the Quiet Life Art Gallery! It's been a while since we've shared our art and writings with each other. If you have a poem, a painting, a photo of a knitted sock...please, share here. And remember - we welcome your contributions regardless of talent, skill, experience. What interests us is your heart and mind. (To share and view others' shares, you must be a paid or scholarship member.) I can't wait to see your offerings. xo Susan Image: "Handcraft," by Elvi Maarni Join chat [https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/c1e4edc4-655b-4c32-a4a6-14c56eb30d57?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] © 2026 Susan Cain 570 Piermont Road Suite 174, Closter, New Jersey 07624 Unsubscribe [https://thequietlife.net/action/disable_email?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo0MzA1MTQxOTgsInBvc3RfaWQiOm51bGwsImlhdCI6MTc3MzQwNzk4MiwiZXhwIjoxODA0OTQzOTgyLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA1MDkwMSIsInN1YiI6ImRpc2FibGVfZW1haWwifQ.gJMlKHs6sE8oRudligIWdqe7vDwg1UOnSJrjUYZ_pUE]   [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMzEzMTMxOTQyLjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5mcnB1ZXp0eEBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJib3R0b20iLCJpYXQiOjE3NzM0MDc5ODIsImV4cCI6MTc3NTk5OTk4MiwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.xQrOPfkLx2cVqEnCXkw8_WOHmKJdArihw1zbg6YSuu8][https://email.mg1.substack.com/o/eJxUkEtuwyAURVcTZrUev4AHrMV6wLODaiDiUzVdfeVMquoOj3R0dQIOOmp7ufDA8TEejTCy6MCIYDwjx42RCsxqNaOM6dwOKtRwUNxw_FFhpWUPF4QQd7-jlGgtGL9zkHa3yFdBqKNmyQkQd5D82qrEIhejI6wcvQ46civVsrfnpJ_xfVOQD7706fvA8LmEmtlz-i3UnGdJ47VRQX9SdKNNutCZAo5Uy5aiE6BhBc6ayzcF7-_LUXON82xvVZ8-1oypuD47loCpsPEvw-zULpWSoLniq2VfTvwGAAD__7T5YfQ]

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/does-being-a-highly-sensitive-person “I think the Highly Sensitive Person [ https://substack.com/redirect/ee17ebd2-ac21-45ba-8c87-5d790ee5e508?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] (HSP) trait is so misunderstood. It’s one of those IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW traits. If you’re in the approximately 15% to 20% of people who is an HSP, you certainly don’t need me to tell you that you are HSP. You live it every damn second of your life! But if you’re far, far away from that trait, it might be hard for you to comprehend what the inner experience of an HSP is like.” These words come from my friend Scott Barry Kaufman, the great cognitive scientist and author who has spent many years studying creativity, human potential, and transcendence. SBK is a frequent guest essayist and Candlelight Chat guest at The Quiet Life - and you can follow his own Substack too, here [ https://substack.com/redirect/5f6a7b65-f568-449c-adca-1d3fa1f85c6a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. He’s also an HSP. Today SBK’s back with us, writing on: *Why HSP’s can have shaky self-esteem (or, what SBK calls “self-belief”) — and how to strengthen it; *Why you can have strong self-belief in Situation A and find that it eludes you in Situation B; *Whether it’s healthy to say “Haters gonna hate”; and much more... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.-r73usHGjmkxKDTKhXuHt9LRKWzgQzL-TzPgtNM3aXE?

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMzA3MTYxMzAyLjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC42dWppM2Y1eUBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJ0b3AiLCJpYXQiOjE3NzI4OTk5ODIsImV4cCI6MTc3NTQ5MTk4MiwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.8Rvuo4mWY54QmazAVKdqxal2mvbo4hcFgEEVmbufSPI] The Quiet Life with Susan Cain subscriber chat ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­   [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] Susan Cain just started a thread Join the chat for The Quiet Life with Susan Cain [https://thequietlife.net/] now in the Substack app [https://substack.com/app/app-store-redirect?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] or web reader [https://substack.com/chat/2050901/post/56ac59cf-38c1-4b20-8d52-2851b7f22972?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email]. [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!YqGs!,w_24,c_scale,f_png,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Ficon%2FLucideCornerDownRight%3Fv%3D4%26height%3D24%26fill%3Dtransparent%26stroke%3D%2523808080%26strokeWidth%3D4] From Susan Cain’s subscriber chat [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!kY3Q!,w_800,h_800,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20528db0-ce52-421d-b110-b64d9e36e951_794x1199.png] Susan Cain "When you were a child, you found magic in even the most mundane places. It's still there." - Dylan O'Sullivan Where did you find yours then, or now? (Image via EvaLovesDesign) Join chat [https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/56ac59cf-38c1-4b20-8d52-2851b7f22972?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] © 2026 Susan Cain 570 Piermont Road Suite 174, Closter, New Jersey 07624 Unsubscribe [https://thequietlife.net/action/disable_email?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo0MzA1MTQxOTgsInBvc3RfaWQiOm51bGwsImlhdCI6MTc3Mjg5OTk4MSwiZXhwIjoxODA0NDM1OTgxLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA1MDkwMSIsInN1YiI6ImRpc2FibGVfZW1haWwifQ.N8M3dMJ4tzKaILAoa2mGKUw50XLe_KPEGEGvth8xqUA]   [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMzA3MTYxMzAyLjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC42dWppM2Y1eUBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJib3R0b20iLCJpYXQiOjE3NzI4OTk5ODIsImV4cCI6MTc3NTQ5MTk4MiwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.2jAA21_itWJr_xKTUhcuqeEMBY8dk99r7pHHVe_C4v4][https://email.mg1.substack.com/o/eJxU0E1uwyAQxfHThF2tGT6MWXAWa4CJQ2ugwlApt6-STdX1X_rp6UUafLT-9PFB42M8OlMSyYOV0QbBHq2Vm3Nus4IL5XM_uHKnwWmn8VclohYPT2DlPWJwGNNmtJIKVFrNXUoOhlIU2UuQKyiwuKICuajFmgQOKZhoEm5KL-v8zOpunjcN5cDlmuEaFL-W2Ir4nmGPrZRZ83juXCmcnPzok1_pzJFGbnXPyUsw4ABF9-Wm4b19OVppaZ79TV0zpFYoV3_Ni2qkXMX4d8O8uL8orcCgRreJHy9_AwAA__9rmWFl]

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/how-ai-is-changing-your-creative Yesterday, a fellow author asked me to share my favorite writers on the subject of Melancholy, so of course I passed on my favorite C.S. Lewis passage, the one I spotlighted in BITTERSWEET [ https://substack.com/redirect/6a43e755-0050-4a69-bd60-a1771e15ca5e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]: “The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited [emphasis added].” My colleague loved it as much as I do, and I was especially happy when he exclaimed over its breathtaking final sentence. And then I realized that we’re not supposed to write sentences like that anymore - because writing in rhythms of three, as Lewis does in that sentence, is now considered to sound too much like AI. Except, of course, that AI was trained on our best writers — like Lewis. So of course it echoes those writers’ rhythms. So where does that leave us writers now? Should we abjure such rhythms, for fear of sounding like a machine? Just to ask this question is painful, given that Lewis wrote not like a machine but like an angel. This question is obviously not just for writers, but for anyone who cares about art, excellence, and expression. It’s also a question for students, who have to worry about the appearance that their papers were written by AI. And I think the answer is equally obvious: We shouldn’t cede an inch of ground to these new norms. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t use AI to help us research, ideate, and so on. I do. But we shouldn’t give up our favorite forms of expression to it. If we love em-dashes (another supposed sign of AI writing), we should keep using them. And if we like the rhythm of threes, we should use it still. (If you’re a student, add a P.S. letting your teacher know that you really like em-dashes and want to keep using them.) This is partly a matter of principle. But it’s also because we don’t have anything to worry about, at least not yet. The real reason to read, write, and engage in any form of self-expression and communication, is for one human consciousness to truly explain itself — bare itself — to another. No one but C.S. Lewis could have written those words — because they came from his particular consciousness, his particular life experiences, his particular spiritual longing. And yes, I just used an em-dash, and a rhythm of three, in that final sentence. * *I’d love to know how AI is affecting your creative life, your work life, and beyond. *I’m also curious whether you’ve had the experience of starting to read a very moving, goosebump-inducing story on social media, only to realize that it was likely written by an AI. In those cases, do you keep reading, or do you lose interest? *And anything else you’d like to share! You’re also invited to share this post with anyone you’d like! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.Y-oaIa0zPb9NgmiKxwzeEE-SS12yKAklXxXeQ3NS9mI?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/are-we-even-living-in-the-same-reality This will be familiar to all of us: We exclaim over a delicious meal, rave about a new movie. “Incredible!” we say to our person, who merely shrugs: “It was OK.” Have you ever felt deflated because someone didn’t share your enthusiasm? Or pressured to amplify your reaction, to match someone else’s intensity? These moments, which often happen in passing — so quickly that we barely notice them — have consequences for our marriages, friendships, and workplaces. Sometimes they’re just a matter of taste: you really loved the movie, and I thought it was meh. But here’s what else may be going on - and what to do about it... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.d3EUEKMkMwR9Byikj3GPTF9f11VCxMRa-RsxOCkjw7I?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/heres-the-video-replay-of-our-candlelight Did you get a chance to attend our Candlelight Chat with Dr. Maya Shankar — the cognitive scientist, bestselling author, and expert on navigating unwanted life changes (death, divorce, and beyond…)? It was an especially delightful, and meaningful, one. If not - or if you were there, and would like to watch it again - this video replay is for you! It’s a… Unsubscribe https://substack.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.1spdCJrEUtik98pFXyRtwtJKeKfYScWCgqP3czlDdlc?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/the-pleasures-of-eating-alone-and Some questions to discuss (and I’ll offer my own thoughts, in the comments): Do you love this poem as much as I do, and: Is there anything sacred about this scene to you? If so, what? Is it the man himself? Or the man’s attention to his moment-by-moment experience? Or is it something else? What ordinary rituals in your own life do you treasure? What small moments in your own life feel more meaningful than they probably appear to random passers-by? The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.NyAu9XqaEZ_MvO7XvAGE4gTbzTTyer_xxZeVdSnHrxs?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/the-other-side-of-change-our-candlelight Dear all, I’m really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, for our next Candlelight Chat! This one’s for you if you’re facing the end of a relationship, an unexpected diagnosis, the loss of a job, or some other twist of fate. We’re very honored to host special guest Dr. Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist; host of the critically acclaimed podcast, A Slight Change of Plans [ https://substack.com/redirect/517a1387-8fe0-489d-9cd8-ede70bebac4e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]; and author of the instant new bestselling book — The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans [ https://substack.com/redirect/3431b079-8177-4f03-ba29-669f18f211b3?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], an excerpt of which we published in The Quiet Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/d411dec1-a25c-48d2-90a7-0b7608ae61c9?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] last month. Here are just a few of the topics we’ll discuss with Dr. Shankar: The moment life splits into “before” and “after” — and how to rebuild meaning on the other side. What research shows about the people who grow stronger after disruption — and what they do differently. How to support someone you love who is going through radical change (without saying the wrong thing). How to recognize when you’re clinging to a past version of yourself — and how to let go with dignity. And more. As usual, we’ll also invite you to ask your questions of Dr. Shankar. You’ll be able to talk to her either via the written chat, or by “raising your hand” and coming online to chat with her. Also as usual, please have a candle handy, but don’t light it yet. We’ll do that together. And, please bring a journal, iPad, sketchbook, or whatever works best for you. And finally, don’t worry if you can’t make it live. We’ll send out a video recording to paid and scholarship subscribers next week. Here are your log-in instructions:... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.SW-wTPvFYLc8_Y1vDgiPsJa0pSANkLaiBrEcI0BSSNI?

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMjEyMTkyNTI1LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC51NGNlbTIxaEBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJ0b3AiLCJpYXQiOjE3NzA5MjQzMjUsImV4cCI6MTc3MzUxNjMyNSwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.2KT7M2wGnSXUAFrbPzBsZSxxWkKWFWjdm0widGJAGvU] The Quiet Life with Susan Cain subscriber chat ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­   [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] Susan Cain just started a thread Join the chat for The Quiet Life with Susan Cain [https://thequietlife.net/] now in the Substack app [https://substack.com/app/app-store-redirect?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] or web reader [https://substack.com/chat/2050901/post/3c760a77-66d9-4083-82d0-510c1653727c?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email]. [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!YqGs!,w_24,c_scale,f_png,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Ficon%2FLucideCornerDownRight%3Fv%3D4%26height%3D24%26fill%3Dtransparent%26stroke%3D%2523808080%26strokeWidth%3D4] From Susan Cain’s subscriber chat Susan Cain "I'm not a zoomer-arounder like you. I'm kind of like a calm...lay around the whole day." My husband Ken (who's a bit of a zoomer-arounder himself) just sent me this clip - it really does say it all! Are you more of a zoomer-arounder or a calm lay-around-the-whole-day-er? https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAluYaHSt31/?igsh=MTZnc2F4aXc2a2d1Yw== Join chat [https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/3c760a77-66d9-4083-82d0-510c1653727c?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] © 2026 Susan Cain 570 Piermont Road Suite 174, Closter, New Jersey 07624 Unsubscribe [https://thequietlife.net/action/disable_email?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo0MzA1MTQxOTgsInBvc3RfaWQiOm51bGwsImlhdCI6MTc3MDkyNDMyNSwiZXhwIjoxODAyNDYwMzI1LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA1MDkwMSIsInN1YiI6ImRpc2FibGVfZW1haWwifQ.p_N9ieGlP7yylnQxE1G-SQ7WuTZbEFwOBr9ibs_rzBY]   [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMjEyMTkyNTI1LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC51NGNlbTIxaEBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJib3R0b20iLCJpYXQiOjE3NzA5MjQzMjUsImV4cCI6MTc3MzUxNjMyNSwiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.IsgJ7pdZZrkSElEABtoNz_DRcIqlI_ksNJQSgIo-nX4][https://email.mg1.substack.com/o/eJxU0M1qxCAUxfGnGXcN1xuNceGzhKvXJtKoxY_CvH2Z2ZSu__DjcAKNeNb2dOGi8TGuFokFOzAYjBfRSWPAolrRipgp3ccZS2w0Ih80_qrWEsXl2Gja9hXNpj-tZ7sBB0OAyJrBwCaSQ8ANUKK0qFEv62I0g5XkddAs91UtU4WYUV4PBfmUS5--DwpfS6hZfE9_hJrzLGk8j1jI35HdaDO-0p0CjVTLkdghaLAgRXP5oeC9fTlrrjzv9qb69FwzpeL67FQCpSLGvxtmj-1FqRW0VNLu4sfhbwAAAP__1qdgqw]

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/if-youre-facing-unwanted-changes Are you facing the end of a relationship, an unexpected diagnosis, the loss of a job, or some other twist of fate? Do you feel as if you’re free-falling into the unknown? If so - this Sunday’s Candlelight Chat is for you. We’re very honored to host special guest Dr. Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist; host of the critically acclaimed podcast, A Slight Change of Plans [ https://substack.com/redirect/29ff0c25-71ea-4045-b6a3-77a9949a6768?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]; and author of the new book — The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans [ https://substack.com/redirect/b752e07f-3eb1-4568-85e1-6e953926cb7a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], an excerpt of which we published in The Quiet Life [ https://substack.com/redirect/d1a29660-27c3-482b-b09a-c90bf8a8cd27?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] last month. Here are just a few of the topics we’ll discuss with Dr. Shankar: The moment life splits into “before” and “after” — and how to rebuild meaning on the other side. What research shows about the people who grow stronger after disruption — and what they do differently. How to support someone you love who is going through radical change (without saying the wrong thing). How to recognize when you’re clinging to a past version of yourself — and how to let go with dignity. And more. As usual, we’ll also invite you to ask your questions of Dr. Shankar. You’ll be able to talk to her either via the written chat, or by “raising your hand” and coming online to chat with her. If you’re a paid or scholarship subscriber, you’ll receive log-in instructions this Saturday, for the Sunday afternoon Zoom (Eastern time). Please do join us! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.X68FySdbZynv42UU5bTXeUZV2gqpkVnG2Gq-BKPyFT8?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/seven-things-my-father-taught-me-4ca The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Recently [ https://substack.com/redirect/8648cd42-406c-4993-a01f-6046fc32bb89?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], I shared the eulogy I wrote for my mother, and some thoughts on honoring one’s own temperament in grief and mourning. As I mentioned in that post, every year, on my father’s yahrzeit (the anniversary of his death), I share these seven things he taught me by example. I’m actually a little late to do it this year; but, it’s never too late. Here you go: Do beautiful things, just for the sake of them. If you love orchids, build a greenhouse full of them in the basement. If you love the sound of French, learn to speak it fluently, even though you rarely have time to visit France. If you love organic chemistry, spend your Sundays reading “orgo” textbooks.​ Find work you love and work that matters, and do it as excellently as you can.​ Make a life where you’re as free as possible from the forces of dogma and bureaucracy.​ If you want to live a quiet life, live a quiet life. If you’re a humble person who has no use for the spotlight, be a humble person who has no use for the spotlight. No big deal.​ If you happen to be a doctor, take care of your patients – really take care of them. Study medical journals after dinner, train the next generation of physicians (my father kept teaching until age 81), spend the extra hour to visit the bedside of your patients in the hospital.​ (Here’s a letter from one of those patients, which we found after my father passed away. He never showed us these things while he was alive.) If you’re a husband, take care of your wife, even when she has Alzheimer’s and can’t walk and asks you the same question again and again and again and again and again and again…​ If you’re a parent, teach your children the things you love, like music and poetry, so that one day they’ll love them too. One of my earliest memories is asking my father to play the “chair record” (Beethoven’s “Emperor’s” concerto, whose name I was too young to pronounce) over and over again. My father and I talked, just before he died of COVID. He was in the hospital, trying to breathe. “Be well, kid,” he said, as he hung up the phone. And I have been well. And so, I hope, will you. * What are some of the most important things your parents or other elders taught you, or that you hope to teach other people? I would love to know, ❤️Susan Unsubscribe https://substack.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.f2Ro9YN_rGF6P2XhPqODee-czq0g5R90vL1WxG1hZ7c?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/freeing-yourself-from-excessive-guilt Just because you feel guilty doesn’t mean you did something wrong. That’s one of the many takeaways from our Candlelight Chat last week with Dr. Jennifer Reid, the creator and host of A Mind of Her Own [ https://substack.com/redirect/84618e8f-ddf2-414e-9e18-c28889e2f441?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] podcast and Substack [ https://substack.com/redirect/1c79e73e-d5fa-47a7-bbff-934ac0bc2560?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], and author of the brand-new book, GUILT FREE: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations [ https://substack.com/redirect/263ed051-8c3d-4ac3-a74e-941d1be66974?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. It was so nice, as it always is, t… Unsubscribe https://substack.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.AD53kxSPXMxCSM8kc7IkZrFboMABXjTIfs60RhDLI8A?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/one-day-left-join-the-quiet-life-e2c Hello, dear reader… Last week, we decided to offer a 15% discount on The Quiet Life subscription, just for the heck of it. That offer ends tomorrow, Jan 31, at 11:59 pm Eastern time. Here’s how to join us, if you’re interested: Just as a reminder, here’s what you receive, with a Quiet Life membership: ✨ A Free Quiet Life Journal or Bittersweet Journal (your choice as to which) (Regular price: $24.99 or $34.99 — yours free with an annual membership only, not including shipping.) 52 prompts — one for each week of the year — to help you add more poetry, ideas, and inspiration to your Quiet Life. ✨ Access to the Full Archive Including some of my most personal and beloved Kindred Letters: Are You in the Second Half of Life? [ https://substack.com/redirect/2496f216-82e5-4f4d-96ff-3d1246c9a640?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] To Find Work, or a Retirement Project, You Love, Ask Yourself These Seven Questions [ https://substack.com/redirect/01ec8b2f-fff7-4603-874f-393bd349b34e?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] My solution to any trouble, any loneliness [ https://substack.com/redirect/868f883d-1fa2-4766-aeaa-468bea818218?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] A very personal letter about anxiety [ https://substack.com/redirect/afdb3e90-dc1f-42c4-a0f0-8519386d2e0d?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] When You’re 94: Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now [ https://substack.com/redirect/1b4f26c4-699d-4816-98a5-f7e792eed0e4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] ✨ Monthly Candlelight Gatherings Zoom circles with bestselling author guests, candlelit benedictions, deep reflections, and no pressure to participate. Members can participate live, or watch later, whenever they want. Our next one is Sunday, February 22, from 1–2 pm ET — a members-only gathering, with special guest Maya Shankar, the cognitive scientist and host of the award-winning podcast, A Slight Change of Plans. ✨ Recordings from Past Chats With groundbreaking meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg, and bestselling authors Pico Iyer, Scott Barry Kaufman, Joseph Nguyen, This Jungian Life, and many more. ✨ The Comments Section (a gem!) Many say the conversations here are the most thoughtful and human they’ve found online. ✨ A Place to Share Your Own Creative Work Whether it’s a short reflection, a poem, or a painting — your voice is welcome here. ✨ And most of all… You’re supporting our shared online oasis of depth, beauty, and meaning. My aim is to help you add more art, poetry, ideas, and consolation to your life — with the ultimate goal of experiencing a richer, deeper form of happiness. * If that sounds like something you’d like to be part of, I hope you’ll join us before the discount ends. Click below to subscribe at 15% off → xoxo, Susan P.S. If you’d love to join us but can’t afford it right now, please just write to us about a full or partial scholarship. No one should stay away for lack of funds. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.HGT8fWvDxqoEUenVkKlQV-wRJSJj9bk2z7ReOyGXcHI?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/mattering-the-secret-to-a-life-of “Mattering offers a deeper, almost intuitive framework for understanding what is assailing our kids and points us to where best parental energies can be spent if we want to protect our kids from this excessive pressure.” So says Jennifer Wallace, the founder of The Mattering Institute, whose mission is to create cultures of mattering in workplaces and communities, and co-founder of The Mattering Movement, a nonprofit organization dedicated to creating cultures of mattering in schools. The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. In her brand-new book, MATTERING: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose [ https://substack.com/redirect/f3db37e1-c711-410d-9d79-4a34bb6f884b?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], Wallace shares what we can do to combat the pandemic of loneliness and despair that are harming our youth, and how we can combat today’s widespread mattering deficit. And she has graciously offered to share an excerpt from her book with us today - focusing on the tools and skills for building meaningful community, buffering against stress and anxiety, and making a positive impact on the world. Here’s Jennifer: “When the Rug Gets Pulled: Coping With Life’s Transitions In her best friend’s living room, Nancy Schlossberg sat with her hands wrapped around a warm mug of coffee. After twenty years of friendship, Sue’s living room was familiar ground, the kind of place where Nancy didn’t have to pretend. “My life looks perfect from the outside,” Nancy said in a low voice. “So why do I feel so miserable?” They’d been talking about how Nancy’s recent relocation back to Washington, D.C. had thrown her off, how much she missed the structure and routine of her old life in Michigan. After spending ten years there, her husband’s work brought them back to Washington, D.C. It felt like the right move. Nancy had landed a prestigious position at the American Council on Education. Her best friend lived across town. She loved Washington, D.C. Every box was checked. So why was she feeling so lost? Will I matter again? What Nancy was experiencing has a name: a collapse of what researchers call mattering. Mattering is the sense that we are valued by others and that we have value to contribute to the world. At its core, mattering answers our most fundamental human questions: Am I valued? Does my presence make a difference? This need is deeply rooted in our evolutionary past. For early humans, being valued by the group meant safety and survival; being overlooked meant risk. That wiring remains. When we experience a life transition, such as retirement, an empty nest, losing a job, grieving a loved one, or moving to a new city, it can rattle our sense of mattering. It can feel like our previous identity — our understanding of how we add value and to whom, and who values us and why — disappears overnight. But mattering doesn’t just diagnose the problem — it offers the solution. Mattering is highly actionable and built from specific ingredients that are captured by the acronym SAID: feeling significant (seen and essential), appreciated (valued for who you are and what you contribute), invested in (supported and cared for), and depended on (needed by others). Strengthening these dimensions can expand our “mattering span,” helping us feel grounded, useful, and connected at any stage of life. Conduct Me-Search When researchers decide to pursue a question that holds personal relevance, one that grows out of their own struggles or curiosities, it’s somewhat playfully known in academic circles as “me-search.” Me-search is the social psychologist who investigates loneliness after grappling with it herself in early adulthood, or the developmental researcher who studies resilience in children because he grew up in the foster care system. Rather than a mark against scientific rigor, me-search often leads to more empathetic and nuanced questions, driven by an insider’s understanding. When facing a shaky life transition, me-search can help you find a path forward. Maybe you turn to books, articles, or research studies related to your experience. Maybe you invite someone who has thrived after a similar transition to tell you their story over coffee. Maybe you seek out workshops and talks to gain practical knowledge. For Nancy, the most transformative knowledge came from reaching out directly to people who had similar experiences. In fact, in her interviews, she found that those who coped most effectively often did just this—sought out real-life examples to illuminate their next steps. The great thing about me-search is that it does more than give us strategies for coping. It is also a deeply relational act that strengthens our ties. When we reach out to learn how someone else has navigated a transition, we send a message that their experience matters to us and that we trust their perspective. When we ask others for guidance, we affirm that our role models and their hard-won experience have value. This creates an upward spiral of interdependent mattering, where both seeker and sharer feel more connected, valued, and significant. The act of me-search also empowers us to approach transition with curiosity. By turning outward, asking questions, seeking stories, and looking for roadmaps in the lives of others, we shift our perspective from fear of the unknown to an interest in what’s possible. Curiosity can help us move beyond our disorientation and consider our next season as something of an adventure. Harness the Power of Invitation When Catherine moved from New Jersey to Florida after her kids left for college, she planned her social relocation as carefully as she planned the logistics of the relocation itself. Back home, Catherine had always been the friend who brought people together, planned moms’ nights out, and routinely checked in on friends. Over the years, these friendships had carried her through job changes and the loss of her mother. She had seen how a simple invitation—a coffee, a walk, a conversation—could pull people out of loneliness and reinforce the important place we fill in others’ lives. So when she and her husband moved to Florida, she made a resolution: she would say “yes” to every invitation that came her way, at least for the first few weeks. No overthinking, no excuses—just yes. Catherine started by joining a local Facebook group. A few days after arriving, she took a chance and went out to dinner with a few of the group’s members. There, a woman casually invited Catherine to her Super Bowl party that weekend. “Of course, I said yes—my only word to an invite,” Catherine told me. That woman would later become one of Catherine’s closest friends. Little by little, one invitation at a time—golf outings, dinner plans, book club gatherings—Catherine’s new community started to feel like home. And it was all because of her blanket decision to say “yes.” Saying “yes” can feel surprisingly hard. We might tell ourselves we’re not ready, that we’ll focus on meeting new people once we’ve got our life in order. Or maybe we worry we won’t fit in or that we have nothing to offer. But one way to shift our thinking is to remember that saying “yes” isn’t just for us; it’s for the other person, too. When someone extends an invitation, they’re taking a small risk. They’re reaching out, hoping for connection, and wondering if we’ll meet them halfway. By saying “yes,” we’re accepting that bid, letting them know they matter, too. Sarah came to understand this firsthand after a divorce at age 45. She knew the transition back to single life was going to be rough. “How exactly do you function as a single person in a couples’ world?” she recalled thinking. Often, she felt like an awkward third wheel when socializing with her couple friends. When the check came at dinner and her friends wouldn’t allow her to split it, or when the conversation turned to topics like romantic weekends away, Sarah would shrink inside. Instead of feeding her mattering, these dinners made her feel out of place. Over time, she felt so uncomfortable that she stopped accepting their invitations. During weekends when she had the kids, her nights would be spent chauffeuring them around, and when her husband had the kids, she’d lock herself in her house, drinking more wine than she liked to admit. Her sense of mattering “shriveled up,” as she put it. Eventually, Sarah and her therapist uncovered the real cause of her retreat—a secret fear that her friends were judging, or worse, pitying her. Over time, they developed a strategy focused on reframing her mindset: invitations were not just about her; they were about both people in the relationship. Every “yes” was an act of giving and a way of helping others feel seen and valued. Often, we think that saying “yes” means we have to have our act together. Researchers call this the Beautiful Mess Effect—our tendency to overestimate how harshly others will judge us when we reveal a weakness or failure while underestimating how much they will appreciate our openness. Studies show that while we may see our vulnerability as a flaw, others tend to see it as a strength and a display of warmth, evidence that we are trustworthy. The very thing we fear might push people away is often what draws them closer. Think of it this way: Have you ever tried to tape something to a slick, shiny surface? It doesn’t stick for very long. It’s the rough part, the messy part, that allows for the stickiness to take hold. In the same way, it’s those imperfect parts of ourselves that create paths to true connection by giving others something real to hold onto. Who are the people in your life you can say “yes” to? How can you accept an invitation you might normally turn down or extend one to someone who might be waiting for it? Perhaps to start, you might set a goal of saying “yes” or offering an invitation twice in a week. That “yes” helps you when you’re feeling lonely, when you’re unsure if you matter. And it helps others, too, letting them know that the connection with them is worth it. Here’s the wonderful truth: every time we reinforce someone else’s worth, we’re reminded that we, too, are needed, valued, and capable of making a difference. In reminding others that they matter, we are reminded just how much we are, too.” From MATTERING: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer Breheny Wallace, published on January 27th, 2026, by Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2026 by Jennifer Breheny Wallace. * I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Jennifer Wallace! Would you like to share with us: *When in your life have you felt that you truly mattered? *Who in your life consistently makes you feel that you matter — and how do they do this? *What external measures (money, titles, likes, productivity, grades) most influence your self worth? *When do you feel most seen — and when do you feel invisible? *In what ways do you tie your own self-worth to productivity, success or approval? We always love to hear from you! Unsubscribe https://substack.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.CzHOBLF8m32ER3qRQYzUCyRiJHGQpae56xzVEHMNYTo?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/if-you-dont-party-like-an-extrovert This past weekend, we attended the funeral and memorial service of a family friend, a wonderful man who passed away heartbreakingly young, at age 52. He’d been devoted to his wife and family, and his many friends all over the world, and they came from far and wide to mourn him, and to celebrate his life. He and many of his family and friends are very extroverted, so the service consisted of many speeches (some impromptu), with lots of tears but also wine, food, and laughter. As a guest, I felt I’d been given a gift of entering this man’s abundant family and social life - to know its relationships, to hear its stories. After it was over, in addition to sorrow, I felt the familiar pang of having read the final page of a rich and vibrant novel. But I felt a different kind of pang, too: at how different the funerals had been for my father and mother - so much smaller, so much quieter... Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly90aGVxdWlldGxpZmUubmV0L2FjdGlvbi9kaXNhYmxlX2VtYWlsP3Rva2VuPWV5SjFjMlZ5WDJsa0lqbzBNekExTVRReE9UZ3NJbkJ2YzNSZmFXUWlPakU0TlRjek16VTRNeXdpYVdGMElqb3hOelk1TlRJMk56UXlMQ0psZUhBaU9qRTRNREV3TmpJM05ESXNJbWx6Y3lJNkluQjFZaTB5TURVd09UQXhJaXdpYzNWaUlqb2laR2x6WVdKc1pWOWxiV0ZwYkNKOS5BUWd2UTMzbDdDRFE2WkdOWHhzbXZ6TW03Ym1FNmtaMXN5blNxU2ppOUFvIiwicCI6MTg1NzMzNTgzLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJmIjp0cnVlLCJ1Ijo0MzA1MTQxOTgsImlhdCI6MTc2OTUyNjc0MiwiZXhwIjoyMDg1MTAyNzQyLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMCIsInN1YiI6ImxpbmstcmVkaXJlY3QifQ.bMY9I2qvdQFRsZ70Q49miU-UGyK0oJq4Kn_hrU4nmL0?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/living-guilt-free-our-candlelight Dear all, I’m really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, for our next Candlelight Chat! This one’s for you, if you have a tendency toward unwarranted feelings of guilt. Whether it’s guilt for working too much, for not working enough, for saying no, for saying yes, for taking a break, for asking for help…tomorrow’s guest has seen it all. We’re very honored to host special guest Jennifer Reid, MD, a psychiatrist and assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania, and the creator and host of A Mind of Her Own [ https://substack.com/redirect/d56abaaa-86eb-4635-b455-aa7b816e96c1?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] podcast and Substack [ https://substack.com/redirect/a2d8f231-60ea-4064-aa47-f3eedaa8ddb7?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. Dr. Reid’s new book — GUILT FREE: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations [ https://substack.com/redirect/a272bc58-72f8-49c9-bae9-51b76ad0c2b9?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] — is coming out on January 27 — and you’ll get a preview tomorrow. Guilt Free Dr. Reid’s new book [ https://substack.com/redirect/a272bc58-72f8-49c9-bae9-51b76ad0c2b9?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]offers a science-backed and deeply compassionate guide to understanding and dismantling the forces behind excessive guilt. Drawing from over a decade of clinical work with high achieving but emotionally exhausted women, Dr. Reid combines psychological insight with real-world examples and a deeply personal lens to help readers take back control. Through real case studies, personal reflections, and actionable strategies, GUILT FREE [ https://substack.com/redirect/a272bc58-72f8-49c9-bae9-51b76ad0c2b9?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] offers relief and a roadmap to living with more joy, purpose, and psychological freedom “A guilt-free life is one where we—not our guilt—are in the driver’s seat.” Here are just a few of the questions we’ll discuss with Dr. Reid: How societal, familial, and cultural expectations shape our guilt tendencies When guilt is useful—and when it’s toxic How to heal through the SPEAK process, a five-step path grounded in the core tenets of psychotherapy and much more. As usual, we’ll also invite you to ask your questions of Dr. Reid. You’ll be able to talk to her either via the written chat, or by “raising your hand” and coming online to chat with her. As usual, please have a candle handy, but don’t light it yet. We’ll do that together. And, please bring a journal, iPad, sketchbook, or whatever works best for you. And finally, don’t worry if you can’t make it live. We’ll send out a video recording to paid and scholarship subscribers next week. * Here are your log-in instructions: ... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.JEWTihLDvfwgMWjdclnwl95QtzCU74jad6cxrmW3Y2Q?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/a-15-discount-to-the-quiet-life-976 If you’ve found a sense of kinship and inspiration when you read the Kindred Letters — if you’ve been thinking that you really do want to live a happily Quiet Life this year (kind of like the girl in this amazing illustration) — and if you’ve been thinking about a paid membership — today’s a good day to join! Because we’ve decided to offer a 15% discount, through Jan. 31 only. This applies to both annual and monthly subscriptions. I know, from our members’ letters, how many people have joined the Quiet Life only after thinking about it for a long time — and then wish they’d done it sooner: “I am signed up for very few newsletters and even then, I have a low read rate. Your newsletter is the only true exception.” — Rae “These notes you send are very touching and make me think and help me accept who I am.” — Clint “The generosity and beauty of your writing has nurtured a community of thoughtful, authentic people. I’m grateful to be a part of it in a world that can be harsh and heartbreaking.” — Julie “I feel so drawn to this soulful community of deeply human people.” — David To sign up, click this button and follow the instructions: Here’s what you receive, with a Quiet Life membership: A welcome email, from me. Annual members only: Get started, with a free copy of the Quiet Life Journal (normal cost is $24.99) or Bittersweet Practices and Reflections Journal (normal cost is $34.99) - your choice as to which. Both Journals have 52 “prompts” — one for each week of the year. You can start working with these journals at any time; it doesn’t need to be on Jan. 1. (Please note - Shipping not included. Also, we can send the free journal only to annual subscribers, not monthly ones.) Read the full archive of Kindred newsletters, plus all the new ones to come. (I generally save my more personal letters for “behind the paywall.”) Here are some examples (we’ve removed the paywall from the first two of these five): Are You in the Second Half of Life? [ https://substack.com/redirect/61c5aa49-fd56-46df-b5e6-6fa617854ba7?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] When You’re 94: Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now [ https://substack.com/redirect/6e2042c9-e70c-4228-93a8-fa80e4a301f4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] My solution to any trouble, any loneliness [ https://substack.com/redirect/eb836b4d-f2a4-4875-992c-e2dfbc8e28e3?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] A very personal letter about anxiety [ https://substack.com/redirect/65755554-0355-4dcb-8056-8a99ce11dacd?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] To Find Work, or a Retirement Project, You Love, Ask Yourself These Seven Questions [ https://substack.com/redirect/faa559c9-77f9-4255-9215-64201d37eebf?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] Read the comments, join the conversation if you choose to. Join our candlelit live monthly gatherings hosted by me: with author interviews, deep reflective exercises, and magical chemistry. Gain access to many hours of recorded Candlelight Chats with fascinating past guests, like bestselling authors Sharon Salzberg (groundbreaking meditation teacher), Pico Iyer (soulfully brilliant author), Scott Barry Kaufman (one of the world’s leading psychologists), Joseph Nguyen (wise-beyond-his-years Buddhist thinker), the dream-decoders from This Jungian Life, and more. Share your own creative work and writings. Most of all, support our shared online oasis of quiet, depth, and beauty! My aim is for you to add more art, poetry, ideas and consolation to your life, with the ultimate goal of experiencing a richer and deeper form of happiness. I hope you join us, and I look forward to personally welcoming you soon! P.S. If you can’t afford the membership, please, just email us about a full or partial scholarship. No one should decline to join us, for lack of funds. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.e-pMdBPACd7YjxHimLHdBvKxQMW2zMjG1Hpe0hNu5Zk?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/what-a-military-general-taught-me A few years ago, I had the honor of connecting with the extraordinary Elanor Boekholt O’Sullivan - the first three-star general in the Dutch Armed Forces, and a self-described “highly sensitive, introverted leader with a strong voice.” General Boekholt O’Sullivan has received various honors for her work in supporting quieter voices in the military - including hosting a Quiet Leadership Symposium (at which I had the honor of speaking, along with General Stanley McChrystal and many others). The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Paid subscribers receive all back issues of The Kindred Letters; a free copy of The Quiet Life or Bittersweet Journal (not including shipping); access to our Candlelight Chats; and more! And now, she has published a book about her ideas. It’s called “Armed With Sensitivity: A General’s Perspective on Leadership [ https://substack.com/redirect/ded33154-ec67-4ddd-8d0e-999b34f09624?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ].” General Boekholt O’Sullivan has graciously offered to share an excerpt with us, today! Here she is, straight from her book (which you can purchase here [ https://substack.com/redirect/b62a6438-b550-4d1f-86b3-cfa7b060322a?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]): “In the armed forces, but perhaps even more so outside it, military leadership is often associated with visibility. The image of the soldier as someone who is loud, powerful and fearless is deeply rooted. Leaders who are visible and loud, we believe, win wars and lead troops to victory. But is that really the case? And more importantly, does this mean that you cannot be a good leader if you are less visible and loud? What if you observe more than you speak? What if you think before you speak, and prefer to listen rather than draw attention to yourself? Does that mean you cannot be a leader? Does that mean you cannot be charismatic? Or do we only attribute charisma after the fact to those who were successful? My natural tendency to first observe was not always understood in my early years in the armed forces. Silence was quickly interpreted as doubt. Restraint. Or worse still: as weakness. In meetings, I felt pressure to say something, even when I knew it would be more useful to wait a moment; to listen, to understand, and only then to respond. But that’s not always how it works. In many organisations, including the armed forces, visible leadership is often equated with audible leadership. Those who speak up get attention. And those who hesitate risk giving the impression that they have nothing to say. Even during training courses, there is a strong focus on how often you speak up. How you ask questions. How assertive you are. Not just what you say, but above all the fact that you say it. In a new position, you are expected to make your mark almost immediately. As if all that matters is that something changes drastically. Building on the work of your predecessor? In this culture, that feels like a sign of weakness. But is that justified? Or are we confusing visibility with effectiveness? I don’t think you have to be opposed to outspoken leaders – many of them may operate efficiently and achieve great things in that way. I also believe that being loud is not the same as good leadership. Sometimes it’s quite the opposite. You see it time and time again in the workplace: a new leader who wants to do everything differently may be impressive on paper, but the team often thinks: ‘Here we go again... let’s just sit this one out, and then the next one will come along.’ It’s recognisable. And it’s a shame. Because there, between the lines, you see where the strength lies: in continuity. In listening. In understanding what is already there before you decide to change it. The quiet forces in the workplace make the difference. Those who do the work behind the scenes. The quiet leaders see where it’s working and who is working. They create space, rather than fill it. These are leaders who win in the long run. Not because they made an impression in the first week, but because after three years, they leave behind a team that has become stronger. No grand gestures, no radical change of course. Just trust. Structure. Time. And yes, sometimes you have to work harder to be taken seriously when you operate in that way. But you don’t recognise true leadership by the volume of the voice. You recognise it by the results and the way in which those results were achieved. And by how long those results endure when a leader is succeeded by someone else. WHAT YOU DON’T HEAR I remember a training course about fifteen years ago, when I was a major, in which a teacher took me aside after a day of lessons. ‘You need to speak your mind more,’ he said. ‘People want to see and hear that you are there.’ It sounded like well-intentioned advice, but to me it felt as if he was saying that my way of observing, listening and thinking was not enough and therefore not right. Yet I decided to give it a try. I tried raising my voice (which still didn’t seem loud to me), responding more quickly and emphasising my presence more. I tried to play the active student that people seemed to expect. But it felt as if I was wearing a mask. And the more I wore it, the more it started to pinch. Later, when I was leading larger teams myself, I began to notice something. The most effective team members were not necessarily the ones who talked the loudest. They were just as likely to be the quiet, thoughtful types. In fact, they complemented the more vocal types. They were more likely to spot details that others missed, make relevant connections that others didn’t always see and come up with solutions that were sometimes quite surprising and effective. This got me thinking: why do we promote a culture in which visibility is so often the norm? Why do we associate visibility with trust, as if the two were inextricably linked? In missions, military personnel must be able to trust their leaders blindly. But trust is not necessarily built by those who speak the loudest or are the most visible. Loud and powerful leaders can initially inspire trust, I admit. But it can also be a mask. A convincing facade, with no depth. As far as I’m concerned, charismatic leadership can exist without being linked to that tough, visible presence. It can just as easily stem from deep-rooted trust, built through consistency, integrity and the ability to listen. Sometimes the real power of leadership lies in what you don’t see. Not in fine words or grand gestures, but in the small actions that create space for others to do their work properly. Take the special forces, who work inconspicuously and yet make all the difference. Or the people behind the scenes, cybersecurity people, who keep things running pretty much unnoticed. They remind us that success depends not only on what is visible, but also on everything that quietly contributes to it. QUIET LEADERSHIP My view of leadership changed fundamentally after reading Susan Cain’s book Quiet. The book felt as if someone had looked inside my head – and then written it down better than I could ever have done myself. I sent her an email to thank her. ‘Thanks to you, I’ll never have to write a book,’ I wrote. ‘Everything I ever wanted to say is already in your book – and better too.’ To my surprise, I received an invitation to visit the Quiet Leadership Institute in New York. What I found there was clarity. Introversion is not an obstacle for which you have to compensate. It is a source of strength, provided you learn how to use it. The conversations that followed were not only about introverted qualities, but also about the interplay with extroverted characteristics. Not either/or, but both. Yet something continued to nag at me. It was nice to feel recognition, but what could I do with it? The real issue was not within me, but in the organisation I work at. How do you ensure that people who do not put themselves in the spotlight, but do have something important to say, are given the space to do so? How do we make the armed forces appealing to people who think they don’t fit in? Not by changing them, but by making space. For those who are quiet, but not invisible. For those who listen and only speak when it matters. For leadership that is not loud, but that works. I decided not to stop at theory, but to make it more practical. I hired two trainers from the Quiet Leadership Institute [which no longer exists] and organised workshops for senior Defence colleagues who identified with the theme or were simply curious. The goal? To learn how to make better use of the qualities of introverts in your organisation. We also organised a Quiet Leadership symposium. A conference at which introverted leadership would be given a face within the military context. With someone who had authority and respect, and whose story would touch people. I eventually found two such people: General Tom Middendorp, then Chief of Defence, and General Stanley McChrystal, author of Team of Teams [ https://substack.com/redirect/7c6ba6b0-7032-4906-a159-8e3362b91bc6?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. Both described themselves more as ambiverts or introverts rather than extroverts – something that visibly surprised many of those present. And that’s exactly why it worked. The room was full. Participants had filled out a questionnaire about their personality in advance. Based on the results, they were assigned a seat colour: red for extrovert, green for introvert, blue for ambivert. A simple representation, but effective. Upon entering, you could see at a glance how the group was divided. More than 90 per cent scored higher on extrovert than on introvert or ambivert. The latter accounted for only 2 per cent. Of course, you could question, how honest people are when filling in a questionnaire like this. Sometimes we say what we hope is true. Or what we think a good employee would say. But it’s not surprising. In an organisation associated with action, visibility and speed, there are relatively few applications from people who prefer to have a bit of a think first. And yet it is precisely this minority that sometimes deserves a microphone. Not to be loud, but to be audible. Leadership has more than one volume. And sometimes the power lies not in how loudly you speak, but in what you say, and when. What I hoped to convey is that silence is not the same as passivity or absence. Silence is not passive. It is not doing nothing. It is giving space. So that others have the courage to say something. The power of silence lies not in yourself, but in what it enables others to do. Not every good idea begins loudly. Some thoughts need silence to actually come into being. That insight, and the conference on introverted leadership that we organised, gave me the confidence to carry on building on my own way of working. Not forcing, but shaping. I deliberately started to create space. Not with spontaneous brainstorming in which the fastest wins, but by sharing topics in advance, so that the thinkers among us could also participate. I allowed silences to fall. Not uncomfortably, but deliberately. I looked at who always spoke and who never did, and I tried to create space without pushing anyone into the spotlight. Slowly, it started to work. People who had previously been silent began to speak. Not because they had to, but because they felt that they were being listened to. What started as a method became something bigger. A cultural shift. Diversity in personalities became tangible – no longer a wish on paper, but palpable in how the team worked. At a meeting, a young colleague suddenly said: ‘I always thought leaders had to be loud. But you have shown that listening is more important.’ Simple words. But they struck a chord. Ultimately, that is the heart of the matter: leadership has no fixed form. It can be loud or quiet. Visible or inconspicuous. Extroverted, introverted, or something in between. What matters is not the style. What matters is what it enables. For the team. For the mission. For everyone who contributes. And to tackle complex challenges, that is exactly what we need: not uniformity, but space. For differences. And for voices that don’t naturally rise to the surface unless you dare to be quiet for a moment. What I learned is that introversion is not only an individual trait, but above all a quality that makes a team stronger. In a culture that often revolves around action, speed and visibility, an introverted approach brings something rare: calm, reflection and space. It is the ability to see patterns where others experience chaos. To listen before you judge. And to only say something when you really have something to say. Extroverts bring something else. Something necessary. The ability to energise a group. To make the right decision at the right time, when others remain uncertain. To stand up, speak, and say, ‘Let’s go.’ That is not a facade, not a superficial show. It is leadership that you see and feel. On exercise, when there is an unexpected turn of events, or simply on Monday morning at eight o’clock when there’s no more coffee and no one is in the mood. That, too, is essential. In the armed forces, we need that diversity of personalities just as much as we need diversity in gender, ethnicity and experience. The best teams consist of people who complement each other. It is precisely in the difference that the strength lies. And perhaps that is the most important lesson: leadership has no fixed volume. It can be loud or quiet. Prominent or in the background. Extrovert, introvert, or simply human. What matters is that it works. That people feel seen. That everyone is given the space to contribute, in their own way. To really get something done, you don’t need uniformity. You need an environment where differences are allowed to exist, and where being quiet is not confused with a lack of understanding. After all, silence is not a weakness if you know what you are saying with it. That, too, is a form of leadership. Armed with heart, not with noise.” * This is Susan writing again: What moves me most about General Boekholt O’Sullivan’s reflections is not simply that they validate introversion — though they do — but that they restore something deeper: moral seriousness to the idea of leadership. If this piece stirred something in you, you might reflect on these questions: *When have you felt most effectively led — and what qualities did that leader embody? *Do you associate authority with visibility? Where did that belief come from? *How might meetings, conversations, or decisions change if space were intentionally made for quieter forms of thinking? As always, we would LOVE to hear your thoughts. And so, I’m sure, would General Boekholt O’Sullivan. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.5dHR9CvMmPvyonR1THijm1tCCh9LAOIZb3Mq3RprHmI?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/9-public-speaking-tips-for-introverts Yesterday, I was chatting with a podcast host who is a very comfortable (and extroverted) public speaker. He said that, despite his love of public speaking, he gets butterflies before every talk. “I know exactly what you mean,” I said, and mentioned that sometimes-terrible feeling of having all eyes on you. He replied that this feeling doesn’t bother him at all! For him, the main issue is worrying that he’ll be revealed as not knowing what he’s talking about. This exchange made me think about how public speaking has a way of bringing out each person’s particular insecurities. And how there are certain insecurities that I hear a LOT from introverted speakers. So that’s who today’s post is for. Over the years, I’ve gathered many public speaking tips for introverts, and I thought I’d share some of them with you today. These tips are meant for speakers who don’t love “performing", but who’re very interested in offering something of value. These ideas won’t turn you into a showman; they won’t ask you to become someone you’re not. On the contrary, they’re meant to help you feel more at home in your own skin — even with a hundred pairs of eyes on you. Here they are:... Unsubscribe https://substack.com/redirect/2/eyJlIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly90aGVxdWlldGxpZmUubmV0L2FjdGlvbi9kaXNhYmxlX2VtYWlsP3Rva2VuPWV5SjFjMlZ5WDJsa0lqbzBNekExTVRReE9UZ3NJbkJ2YzNSZmFXUWlPakUzTmpFM01URTVNaXdpYVdGMElqb3hOelk0TkRreE5qWTFMQ0psZUhBaU9qRTRNREF3TWpjMk5qVXNJbWx6Y3lJNkluQjFZaTB5TURVd09UQXhJaXdpYzNWaUlqb2laR2x6WVdKc1pWOWxiV0ZwYkNKOS51S3RNbHpDREFYS19nZDE1UWNoQWhLNUs2THFkTGMycjVXV2gySTVCa2xzIiwicCI6MTc2MTcxMTkyLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJmIjp0cnVlLCJ1Ijo0MzA1MTQxOTgsImlhdCI6MTc2ODQ5MTY2NSwiZXhwIjoyMDg0MDY3NjY1LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMCIsInN1YiI6ImxpbmstcmVkaXJlY3QifQ.Qchy7YYZaNmfEqNgNBzxYL7bjKaXt1A3370YAfAUR6M?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/how-to-avoid-rumination “Life has a way of thwarting our best-laid plans. Out of nowhere, we’re confronting the end of a relationship, an unexpected diagnosis, the loss of a job, or some other twist of fate. In these moments, it can feel like we’re free-falling into the unknown”….and into an endless cycle of rumination. So says Maya Shankar, the cognitive scientist, and host of the critically acclaimed podcast A Slight Change of Plans. The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. In her brand-new book, The Other Side of Change [ https://substack.com/redirect/97ded90a-3de2-445b-a0f6-50b3121cb16c?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], Shankar teaches how to navigate unwelcome changes. And she has graciously offered to share an excerpt from the book with us today - focusing on how to avoid the rumination loops that so often come when life throws us trouble. Here’s Maya: “Most of us know what it’s like to get caught in a negative mental spiral. Any number of things can trigger these unrelenting, suffocating loops, but the catalyst is typically a change in our lives. Our new anxieties, regrets, and uncertainties can take on a life of their own and become a bigger challenge to deal with than the change itself. These thoughts become like mind worms, nestling into our psyches, hijacking our attention, and stoking our biggest fears. What’s wrong with me? How could I not have seen that coming? How could they do that to me? What’s going to happen? This is known as rumination, and it can involve obsessively rehashing something in the past, grappling with perceived problems in the present, or catastrophizing an imagined future. When we’re in its grip, it can be hard to focus on anything else or to conceive of ever moving past our problem. Rumination is a common symptom of conditions like depression and anxiety, but anyone can fall into its trap from time to time. Part of the allure of fixating on a particular problem is that analysis and self-reflection often do bear fruit. But when we ruminate, we’re not actually making progress toward a solution: we’re simply cycling through the same negative thoughts over and over again. Each time we engage with our problem, though, we can fall prey to the illusion that we’re on the verge of a breakthrough—that we’re just about to gain some great insight, find closure, or attain some guarantee of security. If I analyze my mistake enough, I’ll avoid repeating the mistake in the future. If I dwell on this failure, I’ll feel like I have paid my penance and can move on. If I catalog all the harms that may affect my family, I’ll be able to keep them safe. Similar to when we’re in denial or think that our possible selves have been predetermined, rumination puts blinders on us. We are trapped within a narrow understanding of our situation and are unable to see that there are other ways to approach it. We might search only for further evidence that confirms our worries. This can lead us to double down on our convictions, however unfounded they might be. So, what does it take to break free from these maddening mental spirals? If you’ve ever experienced rumination, you likely know that the brute-force approach of telling yourself to “just stop already” usually makes things worse. What does work, it turns out, is a technique called psychological distancing. As researched by psychologists like Ethan Kross and Ozlem Ayduk, psychological distancing involves creating space between yourself and the thoughts that have taken hold. In other words, since rumination arises from zooming in too closely on a situation, one of the best ways to break free from it is to actively zoom out. This distance allows you to see your situation from new angles, which can release you from rumination’s hamster wheel. Zooming out involves proactively seeking other points of view or greater context so that you can approach your problems more constructively. Just as there are different ways you can fall into ruminative loops, there are also many ways you can spring out from them. When a change occurs in our lives, our instinct may be to resist the uncertainty it brings and to try to resolve it. Often, this intolerance of uncertainty is what gives rise to mental spirals—our brains search in earnest for answers, despite the fact that there are none to be found. Rumination, in other words, can be an expression of a desire to assert control in situations where we simply have less of it than we’d like. The more we can strive to exist comfortably in life’s gray spaces, the less likely it is that rumination will take hold. The specific topic our rumination latches on to will vary throughout our lives. Each time we’re stuck in a new loop, its novelty can give it a kind of power. Even if we’ve triumphed over previous bouts of rumination, it can feel like this new issue is somehow different and will resist all intervention. That’s the devilish side of rumination: our brains will fool us into thinking that the topic we’re currently perseverating over is the most threatening, most pressing issue we’ve faced, and that we have no defenses against this new foe. This is why it can be useful to assemble a diverse anti-rumination tool kit. Different tools will work in different situations, and what worked last time may not work this time. In addition to the zooming-out techniques of cognitive reappraisal, mental time travel, and awe, another tool you can add to your kit is affect labeling. This involves taking a step back and trying to identify what negative emotions you’re experiencing as a result of your rumination. Research shows that giving a negative feeling a specific label (for example, “frustration,” “despair,” or “envy”) can reduce its intensity. Naming it fosters psychological distance by shifting your perception away from “being” the emotion to simply “having” the emotion. Another tool for zooming out is visual self-distancing, in which you mentally view your situation from a “fly on the wall” perspective. For example, you might revisit that tense conversation with your coworker from earlier in the day, but this time you try to process it not from a first-person perspective but instead as an impartial observer. This approach has been shown to decrease emotional reactivity and to lower the frequency of intrusive thoughts. A related strategy is distanced self-talk, which you can practice in one of two ways. The first way, rooted in self-compassion research by the psychologist Kristin Neff, is to coach yourself through your situation as you might coach a friend: this can limit your self-berating and keep you focused on generating constructive advice. The second way is to refer to yourself in the third person—using your name—or in the second person, when guiding yourself through a problem. (For instance, “Maya, you need to get a grip!” rather than “I need to get a grip!”) This tweak in framing has proved to be a powerful antidote to rumination in both high- and low-stress situations, for both past and future events, and across a wide range of negative emotions. And finally, it’s worth noting that engaging in activities that distract you from your negative emotions is not only okay but can be beneficial. One narrative that has become pervasive, particularly in Western conversations around wellness, is that the only healthy way to move on from a bad experience is to approach it — to fully confront, express, and process your negative emotions. Otherwise, you risk having those emotions resurface in the future with even greater force. But recent research on resilience reveals a more complex story, in which individual differences play a big role in determining what makes for a healthy response in any given circumstance. The upshot of this research is that if directly and persistently confronting your negative emotions is working for you, stay the course. But if you’re not gravitating toward that method and are doing fine — or if some combination of both approaching and avoiding your negative emotions is your sweet spot — there’s no need to feel guilty or to fear that you will pay for it later. As the psychologist Ethan Kross writes, “If something doesn’t keep cropping up, there’s a good chance you’re not harboring some invisible wound that will fester and ruin your life decades down the road.” Excerpted from THE OTHER SIDE OF CHANGE: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans by Maya Shankar. Copyright © 2026 by Maya Shankar. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. * I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Maya Shankar! Would you like to share with us: *What topics have recently caught you in a rumination loop? *What unwelcome changes have recently entered your life? *Whether any of the above techniques resonated with you? We always love to hear from you! The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Unsubscribe https://substack.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.D83IUfp7AVqaX9WRWq54MKNxi7H5y8axiqjrQa0IbH4?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/five-ways-to-find-thin-places-without Our next Candlelight Chat will be on January 25, featuring the brilliant psychiatrist Dr. Jennifer Reid, the author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations [ https://substack.com/redirect/9b1f45b1-54c8-4973-a3b0-7b72a90f31c4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. This one’s for you, if you disproportionally experience guilt. Please join us! “Thin Places tend to be quiet.” - David Perrell * A few weeks ago, an old friend texted me, asking if we could talk that evening. This friend is a prominent person, leads an organization, enjoys many a public accolade. We hadn’t been in touch in a while. I said “sure,” and asked her the topic. She wanted more time for writing and reading, she answered. She wanted more music. I knew then why she was reaching out to me. She wanted to spend more time in Thin Places - a subject that I write about quite a bit [ https://substack.com/redirect/93a06cab-8c02-47d0-bb21-91d0ced2efb4?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]. Thin Places are the moments and locations where the boundary between us and the sacred dissolves. Today, I want to talk about how to find these places, even if - especially if - you lead a very busy life... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.jWEjYS7m8K6tLF_bwCABUqANniSf7i8JBu6cNaXLda8?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/jan-5-how-to-live-a-quiet-life-in As I mention every year, I’m not one for New Years resolutions — I think we get farther focusing on joy than willpower. I started exercising only when I found activities I loved (tennis, hiking, yoga); I started eating vegetables only when I found recipes I loved. I started writing when I realized it was an excuse to hang out in sunny cafe windows. So. Instead of resolutions, I’d like to suggest that this year, you direct your attention properly - and live the Quiet Life you long for. Now more than ever, there are so many forces vying for your attention - wishing either to monetize or mobilize it. But the whole idea of living a Quiet Life empowers you against those forces. Here are seven ways to take your attention back this year - and to live the Quiet Life you want... Unsubscribe https://substack.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.fBId_5YJ4Lyr_VkmMNAaJQQWxLfirnXazA8g73upHPU?

View this post on the web at https://thequietlife.net/p/office-introverts-have-begun-speaking Happy World Introvert Day! When I was writing my book, QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking [ https://substack.com/redirect/b762926a-bcb5-481c-a833-b097b7567c86?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ], I kept thinking of Betty Friedan’s famous book, THE FEMININE MYSTIQUE, which she wrote in 1963. That book touched a nerve; then it sparked a flame. After its publication, the shelves filled with books exploring the situation of women in society. Now you can walk into any bookshop and find a whole section devoted to this subject. That was always my vision for QUIET, and I’m thrilled to say that this is exactly what seems to be happening. Here’s the latest evidence from the Wall Street Journal [ https://substack.com/redirect/3fb55085-e532-42e8-9577-7d1aafbea1af?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ]: an article [ https://substack.com/redirect/3fb55085-e532-42e8-9577-7d1aafbea1af?j=eyJ1IjoiNzRiZXZxIn0.26TDO4Ygo5l69NnkPzr2Ax0IIjv-K5IWcmNJKcK8PLY ] talking about the many advocacy and other groups that introverts have formed within their companies and organizations - for example, a “Valuably Quiet” program at Bristol Myers Squibb - which created discussion panels and resource guides, and even resulted in the company creating a recharge room for introverts. (Note: I actually think that everyone - introverts and extroverts alike - needs a recharge room; our performative work culture is too much for almost all humans.) The Quiet Life with Susan Cain is devoted to bringing you quiet, depth, beauty, ideas, and consolations. Please, join us! I’ve been hearing about these kinds of corporate groups for years (and am often invited to speak to them, at companies like Amazon and L’Oreal), and am so excited to see this phenomenon getting widespread attention. If you’re an introvert in a company or organization: please, consider starting your own such group!! (Incidentally, it’s a great way to gain leadership experience around an issue you truly care about.) * Also! My dear friend Jeri Bingham is sponsoring a free online event later today, on the subject of “Introversion Across Generations: Success at Every Level.” You can register below. * If you work or have worked at a company or organization, I’d be curious to know how well you think your company addresses the needs of introverts and extroverts alike. *As an introvert or extrovert, what suggestions do you have for employers? Many employers I speak to are sincerely interested in learning more about this topic, so please do share! *On the topic of “introverts at work,” what do you think is the #1 area for improvement? Unsubscribe https://substack.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.ISFaeUgsRHkAIkfc9SuC8GPCnUaAZYcM1cta9QYeiiE?

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMTAxMTk1MTM3LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5lMTAzczVzNkBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJ0b3AiLCJpYXQiOjE3NjcyOTcwOTcsImV4cCI6MTc2OTg4OTA5NywiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.kJVTSpERqIDesDB9l78EnWk86bXkZOvChB_49iGyxe8] The Quiet Life with Susan Cain subscriber chat ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­   [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] Susan Cain just started a thread Join the chat for The Quiet Life with Susan Cain [https://thequietlife.net/] now in the Substack app [https://substack.com/app/app-store-redirect?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] or web reader [https://substack.com/chat/2050901/post/81a4cdb2-04f5-44b2-b338-10998eade276?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email]. [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!eulI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff4065475-c147-4d43-8455-9dfcb5e4ac9c_1125x1193.jpeg] [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!YqGs!,w_24,c_scale,f_png,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Ficon%2FLucideCornerDownRight%3Fv%3D4%26height%3D24%26fill%3Dtransparent%26stroke%3D%2523808080%26strokeWidth%3D4] From Susan Cain’s subscriber chat [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!wTfL!,w_800,h_800,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7029e0d9-77ec-4877-a0f8-2454bf4a2bc9_747x900.png] Susan Cain May 2026 bring you all good things - including the gift of a quiet life. And, here's a reminder, courtesy of the artist John Falter, that there are many ways to ring in (and live out) a new year. (It's worth focusing on what's happening behind each of those windows.) Art: "Apartment Dwellers on New Years Eve", by John Falter (1948) Happy new year! 💕Susan Join chat [https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/81a4cdb2-04f5-44b2-b338-10998eade276?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=thread-email] © 2026 Susan Cain 570 Piermont Road Suite 174, Closter, New Jersey 07624 Unsubscribe [https://thequietlife.net/action/disable_email?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo0MzA1MTQxOTgsInBvc3RfaWQiOm51bGwsImlhdCI6MTc2NzI5NzA5NywiZXhwIjoxNzk4ODMzMDk3LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA1MDkwMSIsInN1YiI6ImRpc2FibGVfZW1haWwifQ.Orm-PqXpjTO9PwD0kJXq_LBOtOKrd12SrcuS41oDL34]   [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjYwMTAxMTk1MTM3LjMuNzVkMDkxYWI1YzVkMTgzNC5lMTAzczVzNkBtZzEuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMS5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoiY2hhdC10aHJlYWQiLCJmIjpmYWxzZSwicG9zaXRpb24iOiJib3R0b20iLCJpYXQiOjE3NjcyOTcwOTcsImV4cCI6MTc2OTg4OTA5NywiaXNzIjoicHViLTAiLCJzdWIiOiJlbyJ9.UaoL-GQA3Z5KYmISRp8GNgHD_WkU4rPsTWj7pw55AZ8][https://email.mg1.substack.com/o/eJxU0E2KJCEQxfHTlLtJIjRNdeFZklBjsmRSHfxoqNs3VdCLXv_hx-NFmny1_vLxSfPPfHamJJIHI6MJgj2aw0hnEA7BhfJ9Xly50-R00vyp4IyVVjx9SqQtIDsCaxUEZvnXgVLAVu0SUWQvQR6AgOg0KrOpzegEDinoqBNatW-MoIYex2OHcuE2VhiT4r8ttiL-r3DGVsqqeb5OrhRuTn72xe9050gzt3rm5CVocICi-_LY4bN9u1ppad39Q40VUiuUqx9rUI2Uq5i_bliD-5vaFWjc0Vnx5eV3AAAA__-sU2BT]

[https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjUxMjMxMDkwNTQ3LjMuMjkxODFmMzc3MTAzYzM3Yi4wY3l4NHpxZkBtZzIuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoidW5maW5pc2hlZC1zdWJzY3JpcHRpb24iLCJmIjp0cnVlLCJwb3NpdGlvbiI6InRvcCIsImlhdCI6MTc2NzE3MTk0NywiZXhwIjoxNzY5NzYzOTQ3LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMCIsInN1YiI6ImVvIn0.77n6lRzK5PQ8bec4GjIKoAPnZDj2fN70ubD5tUJ1FYA] Welcome! ͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­ The Quiet Life with Susan Cain [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!bWEz!,w_80,h_80,c_fill,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdfd5532d-af18-4e13-a6ae-5d849bf3d039_600x600.png] [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!EF5_!,w_506,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9e13521b-6ad8-45dd-8d0e-369bf96ce57a_3890x3596.jpeg]https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0ks-OpSwUxJ8Gdhr-iixYdDqfr2EQjl6-EbAFevr200_0ZjKzmRWVnEPVLwXOVtjy-TQtrSGF8gDflbYUd4ajhpywN8LTUY4YDFWDoopqoTBEG_Z5gwSnreBnW_-aDoLjh-F2EHyRChjVSrgVLAi_eiEVtwCc4mAYYZIyTokmUqie90zTka5cKUq442rpiXt-ie-PFQkSN9ZfZNW6H73LEYcyryfcJKaeDfBuHrUeBfE3xCbEpt_bzqfrAmJTiHYDxKYVqnvcS6LMiNH_JnkdiL2vs201I_b-8RL8bcvZX4N9Ps68nVBK-ATE30oFOBCbXplMXqnyspR_krsjl9pF8MH2hfc22u-c7M_ywpFsOtqyB3fLm63cUgPlktGlG6wfOyG970ZPoOODXlY9OJDKznzU5ItLPfT_H7Dhoy2zyzG2FOpzhmSXHfyrl1eIvZ5zDt4wIokmFJ8mIkHu_votx-zbft7Flrb4HG1IprRik7Mh4frPD9IKnJet4ERSQfWIPw37FQAA__9HxcIU Welcome! Thank you so much for subscribing to the Quiet Life community – a place for art, ideas, consolations and candlelight. If you wouldn’t mind replying to this email with a quick “hello!,” it’ll help convince Gmail to keep this newsletter out of the dreaded Promotions folder. If you have a moment, please also tell us your name and where you’re from. And if you have TWO minutes, why you joined. ;)   From now on, you’ll receive at least two or three of my Kindred Letter newsletters every month. You’ll also have the occasional ability to comment on these letters. Upgrade subscription [https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0kk1vozwcxD8N3IL8wlsOHPo0T7RUIVVV1LS9IGP_ARdsU7CbwqdfJdut9tKrPRrPb8acWWjNtGRON1LLuQOxmV0980mOVhrtiywUOI1SHzKcxAlO8DZMfFBMDlULGiZmQVTM_nMbh9TvMixEGqVxk1LRgOBNBDVFLAKUhpzGLPFlRhCJMKEYbVEUJgENyBanuKFJghHlNKkDxJfPcH1vvBCplgSXZJbxPuBG-XKumgmuSTI7OfCHrLN2nD1645G9R_a2g3cnwQ6ygUCD9cj-C60Gj-6dVdVs3MTBo7sf8D0SX2ScqZHJVnt0d31vwzvgvXHWI_Hk0V0S1vDx7pHYmh6uquUOc_K0PJOhz98MKtYbXJQPn_dlO-dq6MRtHhclJ8f1f1qUPTouZ_n63J3zN_N5XF-i4_qy3pcP9HB7N3JayHt5dxan3BZvN7jY9efiMZ9zfcQvMo9zdTSvp-NU0yeUaxT8dxhuN_XIZZETLVepD_ul1Lw9JL-0PfW7MaIlnR5P49P5C0-BkE79hfs6_K7mu7PNWYoWrD-6uuJGKaelXSrQrB5A_JlgdPUgObtUV0mRERShLcL-lCkvRFf3oDXKCDdM1w1nVwujmNTZ7GamOZPatz_-RTfDdLENKYpwiLep_5GR3wEAAP__8MbwKA] If you’re also looking for ways to deepen your Quiet Life, you might consider upgrading to a paid subscription. It’s only $99/year (or $10/month). The Quiet Life is reader-sustained. As a paid subscriber, you’ll be able to support our project, and also be able to:  * Read all my Kindred newsletters (where I curate art and ideas, and basically write 2 books a year for you). Here are two examples: * My solution to any trouble, any loneliness [https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx00LmunTAQBuCnwR3IG8d24SLNeQ3kZThY8cL1EoU8fQRp0txupJH--eZ3psOn1EuPvIcc2gF-bsM2V8PZQ8nIa-6JXCUCTcRLEEEUFwiSCXH7QIZqOvjN9P-2L87QoYFj6yQhVBrCHLVgFQZhXlJaJQVTKGiK6UooI1jhlYuFLVQRSXYmBMHMMWEX7K7f_M_XPnGcPnS5Zd24n4srCYW27RUeie51AIr66P1sE_sx0fdE3_2ArxGgx7DDkqFP9H1O9J2uuZU47u_mXmaTr7nXMmyEZ44lQwwZWkPnsJsrKY0c-rVBNjaC_3frHDYGZ-6QLXhN8YoVJqjqNHH8mJZPScWPWB9sG9aXZELWbTSTnQkZ9W9LHw3qHcsZXgknSqJfmv4NAAD__1Zjjv4] * When You’re 94: Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now [https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx00DmynDAQBuDToAxKGwgFCpzMNSgtrUH1kMRosY1P7wInTl78V3d__Vvd4J3LpXryIYW6gxtrN9WWcLaQE3KKO7LOKwJFxCKIIJILBFGHY3tDgqIbuE23_9KFM7Qrp4lfLTAuMaN-XQCc4UYCeJgXghcUFMV0JpQRLPHMxcQmKslKPBOCYGaZMBO212_-5-MHjuObTresafs12RxRqJsv8EhUKx3QofbWzjqwHwN9DfTVdvj0AO0IHqYEbaCvc6CvXzuk8cq9wCj5-OlQ70fr2PKo69eTVDg8OrvZbI6xp9CuDZI2B7h_l85ujmD1PbcFpyiescQEFRUHjh_R9M4xu36Uh1q7cTnqkFTtVSerQ0Lt28p7hXKv5QzPhBO5op-K_g0AAP__3AuOjA] * Join the comments, join the conversation. * Join our candlelit monthly gatherings: with author interviews, deep reflective exercises, and magical, introvert-friendly chemistry. * Enjoy many hours of recorded Candlelight Chats with fascinating past guests, like bestselling authors Sharon Salzberg, Pico Iyer, Scott Barry Kaufman, the dream-decoders from This Jungian Life, and more. * Share your own creative work and writings. * Most of all, support our shared online oasis of quiet, depth, and beauty! [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!gkNw!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc46ac949-dab5-423d-b1dd-020329843f9c_2000x1333.heic]https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0kkGPpCAQhX8N3jRQYKsHDp1JPO5fMCWUNhkBR2Bmen79Rjub3cveXlLFe18eZTDTGo-nLmFxwaUH2TqVOZnD7dnFUFmtrOjbviItulsnOjGoriKPbptWCnRgJjth_md6U7J66NkgcCm6HiX13UL9gjP1NyFwICu4qZwGDq0AKfjAW9U1soFB9GKRXSe4NLKbG26e3-rnY2GK-xWakyyjeW9M9JVL03LQRaLzUaja9CPnPTF5ZzAyGP9sGxvOBwxG53ElBuNC2TyuJZUmBmJ9__XFQDB4WyYsOTJ4-3gJeV9jtOdgm_Yjrgel5D6JyXvKRDuD8ZUJ7Znanpbt3-R6jynXnqzDJskGPf7EgF_phdPCuJd5c-aSF1u6pFE3NIMaaotzWyuQtp6FtTUHLmHolVwGMwHn_FtIKZsHOVPtZZ5M9L4El58TBZw3sq9eXiF4fufkrAbe8oGL6tCeKX7116zRR1u24yo2ldlGjy7oVBIGgy5U-b8HUhIdp62SvBVKDH31qeF3AAAA___4WsJF Also! If you join as an annual or founding member, you can get started with a free copy (plus shipping) of the Quiet Life Journal (normal cost is $24.99). The QL Journal has 52 “prompts” — one for each week of the year — to help you add more poetry, ideas, and inspiration to your Quiet Life. You can start working with the journal at any time; it doesn’t need to be on Jan. 1. Upgrade subscription [https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0kk1vozwcxD8N3IL8wlsOHPo0T7RUIVVV1LS9IGP_ARdsU7CbwqdfJdut9tKrPRrPb8acWWjNtGRON1LLuQOxmV0980mOVhrtiywUOI1SHzKcxAlO8DZMfFBMDlULGiZmQVTM_nMbh9TvMixEGqVxk1LRgOBNBDVFLAKUhpzGLPFlRhCJMKEYbVEUJgENyBanuKFJghHlNKkDxJfPcH1vvBCplgSXZJbxPuBG-XKumgmuSTI7OfCHrLN2nD1645G9R_a2g3cnwQ6ygUCD9cj-C60Gj-6dVdVs3MTBo7sf8D0SX2ScqZHJVnt0d31vwzvgvXHWI_Hk0V0S1vDx7pHYmh6uquUOc_K0PJOhz98MKtYbXJQPn_dlO-dq6MRtHhclJ8f1f1qUPTouZ_n63J3zN_N5XF-i4_qy3pcP9HB7N3JayHt5dxan3BZvN7jY9efiMZ9zfcQvMo9zdTSvp-NU0yeUaxT8dxhuN_XIZZETLVepD_ul1Lw9JL-0PfW7MaIlnR5P49P5C0-BkE79hfs6_K7mu7PNWYoWrD-6uuJGKaelXSrQrB5A_JlgdPUgObtUV0mRERShLcL-lCkvRFf3oDXKCDdM1w1nVwujmNTZ7GamOZPatz_-RTfDdLENKYpwiLep_5GR3wEAAP__8MbwKA] (We also have partial and full scholarship options, if you don’t have the means. Please email us at hello@thequietlife.net [hello@thequietlife.net] to learn more.) WHAT SUBSCRIBERS ARE SAYING > "It’s like free therapy.  You guys are the guiding light."   > > “Receiving the Kindred emails feels as if an old friend is reaching out to ask > about how I am doing. I know it will arrive, but when I see it in the inbox, > it still spreads warmth in my heart. “ > > “Receiving something in my inbox from you is like curling up on a rainy > afternoon and breathing out a sigh...bliss.”  > > “Receiving this beautiful newsletter in my inbox is like receiving a huge dose > of recognition, permission and nurturing love. I can't recommend it highly > enough.”  > > “Reading Kindred Letters is one of the highlights of my week. This is coming > from a person who subscribes to newsletters then proceeds to never read even > one of them.” > > “I just wanted to say thank you for doing these letters, Susan. They mean > everything to me. I am so grateful for you and all of your light you give out > to us in the world.” Once again: WELCOME. I’m so glad that you’re here, and do not take it lightly. [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!ULvA!,w_272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8b7d8b2c-f63c-4b81-884a-03906b35c255_400x144.png]https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0ks-OpSwQxZ8GdxooQHHh4qYTV9_2Wxv-lF4yArZAT3c__URvJjOb2Z2kinN-OZTVBbd0fk01rj76_ETX5mqyPf1RfIqNm4RjSqoGJzb0AxvYKIYGg_b7smHEUxd0iy5_TXvBm-ckQa0jKsEGR8dRUSl6QzkMqA30jmPjJ6AgGXBGRyrF0PEORqbYyoeBUW75YDpqvz7F9_tKBA0bdBdZ0fZHZ1NofF7WE2-SqZwVm316lnJkwh8EZgLz723r4vWAwOyD3pDAvGKxz3tJ5IUA-_-_jwcBRuBtXXQticDb-0vwx5aSuwb7cpxpOzFn_4GEP3JBPAjMr0yQV6q8LOWf5PZIubQBnddd5p0O-jtF_TO_cCTMRzW7t7e82fItlRmcMmDbtee2FUaxVimhW8pH2hsuLUi5CEo_mRDdEbfmqGaxKYQafflaMGqzo3uV8krQ118u3k1AJR0pa84pEEHv8rotheTqft6t5mpcCtrHKdeso9U-NuWf11Eznpet4FQywUbVfEzwKwAA__9aE7_v -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOME HOUSEKEEPING… If you aren’t seeing all of my e-mails, please check your spam folder. And please mark this address as ‘not spam.’ If the newsletter isn’t in your spam folder, either, you should please look in the Promotions tab. Thanks again, and if you’d like to share this with friends and family, you can do that here: Share The Quiet Life with Susan Cain: a Community [https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0kUuu3CAQRVcDs1j8bMyAQaSn3obFp9xGMdAPiiid1UfupKVM3vRwdTlVFRzCvbanHWVPJfUD4rc-fA8tPTDVQqNVka_zSsFyvWiuuVGaQnbp3O5QoDmEuDn873VRkh52jotZIwcWFuH34Pm-RM6YdmZmQRugyQomZi4kZ4bNSk9yEoavfJdacyaD1H5i4flL_f7ciWL5LqbLDF34MYWaaerb3uBlYrENoKc9EB-dyO9E3Ii44QGfIwGeaYepAF5U3gbmrdfRAhD58S4kYrl4hphGJvLj1foPhloQCl7pwzUgYnHhWs0b0MfwW6g5j5LwuUFx_oT4V-kx_JmCu-JbilawmRnGabOZKPb6ZLrXXOM422umPnys2aVi--iuBJcKxS9vMzq0q1ZJNnPFzUp_WvEnAAD__8GPnBw] © 2025 Susan Cain 570 Piermont Road Suite 174, Closter, New Jersey 07624 Unsubscribe [https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx00s9ymzAQBvCngVsZ_QPBgYPrlBQ32HXqidNcGCEJo4AEQSIYnr5j99JLzzu7832_Wc6cvPTjkk6mVkbZRoovdqosH9XgVG98kRIB4zD2ZQppRCGFCaG-1Ex15UUaOTInRcncP9OIYL9JExrFhFImKRaYxTUGEY5jRgghCEme-CpFAIUQYQgSEBIa4AAlMIY1phQCzDGtAsCXK1k_ao8AfUHBLZljvA14r31ly3qU9ySpGyfpd2nj3GA9vPFQ5qHMNfJjUtJ1qpaBkc5DGeO3Uh7KhLKs6mR5X_dw5vpWGg8_yGUHOXpZXlHX5u89KNYNLE7H6-F0sbn5-snxc83OR3XQIaweZ5vrrhHbPCpOHO3Xb7g4tWC_zOrttZnz9_66X1uyXzf4cDrip-1u4LhQB7WbxTl3xfsGFg_tXPzKbW728LfKo1w_Dxxlqnp8qd_OsGHnWdXHoJyzbeSERgId6OaRr8UT_f4578YfvXn9KUPS1YSOW3E8cn-YqpL3Wk9GuaWU5tZT_BUapqpTnN0MSiVSBEKQAOiPqfYIuFMEl173YurGO7GdKtFrpkxqJ8sMZ8r47r-vMlk53s4SDEJIYBL7nyn6EwAA___6zcqc] Get the app [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!IzGP!,w_262,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Fimg%2Femail%2Fgeneric-app-button%402x.png]https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0kb2O5CAQhJ8GMlv82dgBwUmreQ2Ln7YHrQEfNKebe_rTeJNNNumkStVfd3mLcJT6Mj3vMcf2hDC07pqv8cJYMg1GBb5MCwXD9ay55qvSFJKN53ZAhmoRwmbxmzorSZ9m0krLYBe5ismrsDsLE2erUDN38zrvNBrBxMSF5Gxlk9KjHMXKF75LrTmTXmo3Mv_6q_793oli6RDjmwyt_xx9STS2ba9wkxisHehpnohXI_IXEQ8iHt_dRDzsdX3NoWGpMFQIsYJHIh8d0-Ztumw8MpEfb0-y9RMw5oOI-ZZLRshI5Me9cdhLQaiD64gl06u7zZeUeo742iBbd0L4orq6O6O372duMRjBJrYyTqtJRLE7azxKKqGf9T6rdRdKsjGb1pvN3sZM8cd6eoP6jlWSTVzxdaF_jPgfAAD__3MmnbUStart writing [https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!LkrL!,w_270,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack.com%2Fimg%2Femail%2Fpublish-button%402x.png]https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJx0kU1u3SAUhVcDs1jAxQ97wKCS-zbQBVgYrv1QDTj8RH1dfWWnqTJohhyOPj50rKm4pfzULa4--vJA91LaUmz2R_UpUqel40M_UNRc3RRXfJSKYjB-nzeMmE1FN5v66fYmgT704MQA0ig-9GqwixAG5KrYaGBdHAdJvRZM9FwAZyPrpeqgEyMf-ApKcQYW1NIx-_wlf7-uRLKwie40q8b-7GwK1Jd5zXiZ6Job0l0_aj0KgW9E3Im4f26fR7_FdhC4txrmklq2SGD6KBFxO_OAzrdAYLq4f0ObYsVYCUxrShXzR2zCYfwWCUym1bT6fUf38q9yyv243vx-sWAKRLKL220pJNf2_K52ywQmJRd8e6VHW2abQmjR1-eM0Sw7uvf_HW3ZvTXnLLN3WrCejYzTrP_PpaUtLgXjoy6tmGiNj7R-OXQrmE-sBNZzyceBvmnxJwAA__8LvbcU [https://eotrx.substackcdn.com/open?token=eyJtIjoiPDIwMjUxMjMxMDkwNTQ3LjMuMjkxODFmMzc3MTAzYzM3Yi4wY3l4NHpxZkBtZzIuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tPiIsInUiOjQzMDUxNDE5OCwiciI6Im1AZW1haWwuZ29tb2R1bHIuY29tIiwiZCI6Im1nMi5zdWJzdGFjay5jb20iLCJwIjpudWxsLCJ0IjpudWxsLCJhIjpudWxsLCJzIjoyMDUwOTAxLCJjIjoidW5maW5pc2hlZC1zdWJzY3JpcHRpb24iLCJmIjp0cnVlLCJwb3NpdGlvbiI6ImJvdHRvbSIsImlhdCI6MTc2NzE3MTk0NywiZXhwIjoxNzY5NzYzOTQ3LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMCIsInN1YiI6ImVvIn0.2lStqwP2QJ0UkiH5y9zM3bQc7X2d_gnsaZFnmngwDZM][https://email.mg2.substack.com/o/eJx0kE1uwyAQRk8TdrVmAAd7wVkszAwOqoGUn6rp6atkUXXT9ZOe3vd51_ko9WFHDjHHdmN6a2NvvsZ7jyULsppwmRfBFs3VoMFVG8HJxXM7OHN1nWlz_Q-9aiVuNhi1KkUenNFEioJiBO3N6gIFI3cRrQQ5o1QIK8zaTGqSKy4YlDEIyiuzT-AfX_r7I1w0pENOz7Lu_PvkSxKxbaHyq8T2Oljcx775ktLIsT82zm4_mX7RGb17LtoiWQkzrICi2nTR8FJMR0mFxllf7jZ2KsnFbNtoLnsXs-j_fjQa16dWK5hR47qITyt_AgAA__-Z5nKg]